Romance of the Four Juans

Track 25

Jigo locked himself in the music room until dinner time came, and he found himself sitting in his usual place at the dining table with one extra plate that was not meant for their frequent houseguest, but his brother’s girlfriend. Bivi, who used to sit next to her father, is sitting by his side tonight. And as bowls of food were laid on the table, Jigo grew more conscious of the girl in his room, his heart squeezing itself tighter because he didn’t want to feed HB with mere leftovers. Even stronger was his desire to have a meal with her like he'd done so once.

He stands and takes Bivi’s hand. “Let’s go eat with your mama.”

“Mama said it’s bad manners not to have our meal at the dining table with the rest of the family because that’s how it’s supposed to be, papa.”

“She’s staying in my room, she’s currently my wife, she will have to live with my decision.” He looked to his father. “That girl only had desserts since this morning. I have to make sure she’s fed well.”

Dante nods and waves them off. So, he went up to his room with a few platters of food and plates, with Bivi holding a jug of water on her own. At least, even if they'd offended people, his niece looked excited about sharing a meal with the mother she chose for herself.

Jigo momentarily places the tray of food on the bed. “Get up. Dinner in this house is always at six.” He strides towards the drapes and slides them to the far left, then opens the sliding door leading to his balcony. With a white dishcloth, he wipes the dust off the round table and the two chairs situated there before motioning for the girls to bring the food over. They didn’t need three chairs, he was sure Bivi would sit on HB’s lap and enjoy being fed. “I took the liberty of heating up what Julian packed for you. I assume they suit your taste buds more than what I prepared. An-An said these are typical Thai cuisine. Is Julian Thai?”

“About three quarters.”

“Her name alone sparked hope in my father’s heart. I would appreciate it if you stopped giving him ideas about people’s love lives. I wouldn’t appreciate it if it were me.” HB nods but she grows quiet throughout the meal. “I made you uncomfortable, haven’t I?”

The girl shakes her head, but they continue to eat in silence.

The silence ensued through the night as Jigo evaded the thought of their sleeping arrangement, and he kept losing hope as the eldest and youngest brother denied him entry to their rooms. By the end of their nightly drama-watching with their father, Jigo goes back into his room and finds HB locating constellations and naming stars with Bivi. He slips into the shower quickly and quietly. The floor is dry, but hell does it smell like HB just got out of it. The scent of her shampoo and shower gel stuck in the air and Jigo did not want to pollute it with whatever products he’s using for himself, so he uses hers. Anyway, it’s still displayed on the sill next to his.

When he got out of the shower, the mother and daughter were back in the comfort of the room. HB has Bivi in her arms, gently swaying left to right while patting her to sleep and Bivi is begging for her mama to sing her a lullaby. HB readjusts Bivi’s position in her arms and, without being told twice, sings for her.

An unexpected song by Rivermaya came out of her lips, one which Jigo would never even consider singing to a child. The title is probably the only appropriate message you’ll get from it, 'You’ll Be Safe Here'. HB sang it for as long as Bivi wanted to hear it, even when her voice started to sound hoarse. Jigo stepped out of bed then, and took Bivi from her, tucking the girl right in the center of the bed under his heavy blankets. HB lies on the other side just as Jigo suggests that he sing Bivi’s lullaby this time. He graced them both with his soft singing voice and managed to make both mother and child fall asleep.

In the early hours of the morning, Jigo wakes up to HB leaving the comforts of his bed, stumbling in the darkness, while she heads for the door. She’s leaving. The reality of it sent Jigo’s senses into overdrive. He dashed forward just in time to stand between her and the door. Kiko did warn him about this, that HB would not be able to shake this bad habit of taking long walks in the quiet hours of the morning so easily.

“You’re not leaving.” Her hand still seeks the door knob, so Jigo takes possession of it. “Get back in bed.”

“I want to go home.”

“I said, get back in bed, Hanabi. You can go home when there’s daylight.” Jigo watched her trudge back to her side of the bed. He soon follows, sitting instead of lying down, and watching her every movement. It pricked his heart to see her frequent tossing and turning in bed. Her restlessness is also making him feel edgy. It was a good ten minutes of that when he finally conceded and stood up, taking two hoodie jackets from his closet. “Just this once, I’ll accompany you on your walk.”

The way she quickly stood up and wore the jacket he was offering made him sigh. It’s at least a ten-minute drive from Dante’s house to HB’s condominium unit. They’re going to walk that distance and only God knows how long that will take them by HB’s careful steps, which Jigo has no choice but to match. Still, he admits to himself that walking under the night sky in such a foggy time with only the lamp posts to guide their way has its upside. It’s therapeutic, and he has to admit that walking like this next to her has calmed his heart and cleared his head. It also helped that HB’s mood greatly improved as they neared her condominium building. She has become more talkative, even oversharing nonsensical information again.

“Why do you always walk at such holy hours?”

She looks at him and grins. Then her eyes were downcast as if there was a terrible reason for it. “I just find it easier to sleep knowing that the other people in the house are awake. Meanwhile, not having a single soul moving around the house puts me on guard, and it wakes me up. You see, when I was fifteen, I experienced having men break into my own home, a place that should be a sanctuary. I never got over the trauma and the fear. It keeps waking me up and making me relive it. So, instead of being on edge and cowering in fear in the comforts of my bed thinking that someone is going to come in again, I go out and clear my head.”

“This is dangerous and you’re a girl. Walk around the house, if you must comfort yourself, don’t get out in the streets.”

HB doesn’t respond. Instead, she changed the subject. “You should continue dancing. This afternoon when you danced with us, you looked like yourself.” She laughed. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous like I know you, but… Your first love is acting, you’ll probably always have a place for it in your heart. You found yourself in music and will live with it for the rest of your life. But your rage is in dancing and that is something you’re not used to showing the world. Why? Because it’s ugly? But rage is good, rage makes you more human, and you shouldn’t try to keep it to yourself.”

“You make it sound so pleasant. I haven’t been dancing because I was so used to doing it with a group that I don’t think I can dance on my own.”

“Is that so? Then, whenever you feel like dancing, tell me, I’ll dance with you anytime.”

They finally stop in front of her building. “Give me your phone number.”

“Why?”

“Do you really have to ask? We had a lot of incidents, frightening and worrying incidents, concerning you. I worry every time. If something happens, and you can’t contact Kuya Kiko or papa, call someone else. I’m saying, you can call me.”

“Then, it should be the other way around. Give me your number. I’ll call you when no one else answers.” It’s not what he wanted, but it’s good enough. “Wait for it. I get in trouble quite frequently.”

“So, I will.” He waves her in and starts walking his way back.

Jigo never realized he’d been counting their encounters, not until he looked up at the lamppost and muttered to himself, “Today’s interaction lasted a full night.”