Romance of the Four Juans

Track 16

The simple rain Jigo wished for did not stay as a simple shower, it became a downpour, and that evening, delighting in the cold, he gazed out his window to watch the wispy fog outside. His room, unlike An-An or Kiko’s, doesn’t have a view of the backyard, though it looks out to the front gate. Sometimes, he likes to sit by that window and just look at the cars passing by. Except this time when he looked, there was a girl running to and fro from their gate. She’s trying to ring a doorbell that hasn’t worked for a week now, and probably running towards the side of the road hoping to get noticed. How long has she been doing that?

Jigo’s heart was racing as he ran down the flight of stairs. He passes by An-An who asks why he’s rushing, but he can’t answer. Grabbing the red umbrella at the entrance, Jigo speeds towards the gate in record time, just in time to see HB ringing the doorbell again, soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold. Seeing her like that, Jigo steps closer to her, so they can both be under the shade of the umbrella. It is not big enough. He could feel the bullet-like pelt of rain on his shoulders. The strong pitter-patter is even obstructing the conversation he wants to have, fueling the frustration inside.

Does this woman know no fear?

The weather could’ve been worse. What if it was a thunderstorm?

And the rain has made the temperature of these highlands drop to the tens.

“That doorbell is broken. You should’ve made a call! How can you stand here and be stupid?” His anger surprised even himself. “Let’s go.”

“I can’t go in. I’m carrying something inauspicious. Can you call Kiko for me, please? Tell him to meet me here.”

Jigo looks down once at the thing she’s hugging in her arms. He cannot understand. But he still hands her the umbrella which she pushes right back into his hand. They did that a number of times. “I’ll be fine. Take it with you, don’t get sick again.”

“I’m not fragile.” He pushes the umbrella one last time before running back. He almost slipped on the granite floor, and he took the stairs two at a time in his hurry to get to Kiko’s room. He opens it without knocking, proceeding to bang on the bathroom door, yelling at his brother to hurry up because HB is waiting. Kiko emerges a minute later fully dressed. “HB is at the gate. She won’t come in and asked for you to go see her. What were you doing? Why aren’t you answering your phone?”

“I was in the bath!”

“You take too long.” Jigo grumbles and starts pushing his brother out of the room. “Hurry, kuya!”

Jigo paced on the terrace waiting for the two friends to come in. An-An joins him out of curiosity. Then, Dante came as well. Jigo cannot fathom Kiko’s actions when he came back without HB. “Why would you leave her standing there in this pouring rain, kuya?”

“Because I was sent to ask for permission!” Kiko yells back. He faced his father with a sigh. “She’s carrying an urn! The girl had lost it completely. Can she and the urn come in?”

Their father's mouth gapes open. “Does it contain anything?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Whose ashes?”

“My ex. Bivi’s mother.”

Dante doesn’t know what to say anymore. “Get HB in. She’s going to get sick at this rate.”

The moment he sped back, Jigo ran upstairs as well. His frantic mood even had their father questioning, “What’s up with him?”

An-An shrugs but follows the third child upstairs. When Jigo emerges out of his room with towels, Kiko and HB are coming up the stairs with Kiko supporting HB, their wet footprints leaving embellishments on the hardwood. Kiko takes the towels from Jigo’s hands, murmuring a thank you before draping them over HB’s shoulders, who’s still shivering. Everyone watched as Kiko took her into the comforts of his room, locking the door behind him.

An-An drapes a towel on Jigo’s shoulders. While the latter thought about bringing towels for Kiko and HB, no one thought he’d need one, not even himself. When Jigo remained motionless, just letting the towel sit on his shoulder as he stood at the top of the stairs, staring at Kiko’s closed room, An-An pleads. “Kuya, dry off. That door won’t open for a while. They have a lot to talk about.”

An-An tries to push him back into his room when Kiko’s door opens. He opens his mouth when he sees the two youngest still standing where he left them, but holds himself back until he’s at least a few steps closer to them. “Let me borrow some of your clothes. She doesn’t like mine.”

Jigo nods, already moving back into his room.

“Why though?” An-An asks.

“Because most of my clothes were hand-me-downs from her dead brother. And they’re extremely large for her. Jigo’s should suit just fine.”

Jigo’s clothes are perfect on HB. They’re the right fit for an oversized look on a female. She liked the length of it, hiding her hands and toes. Most of all, she could tell, despite the softness and the floral scent from the fabric conditioner, that the clothes were dried under the sweltering sun and flapped through the air with the raging wind. The thought of a hot summer day is a great comfort amidst all the feelings that had been haunting her.

Kiko is sitting on the floor again, leaning against the side of the bed as he stares at the urn sitting at the farthest corner of the room.

HB quietly climbs on the bed, settling in a space behind him.

“She’s long been dead to me. I don’t understand how she can come back to haunt us like this, Bee. Why? Why would you even take responsibility for her? After everything she put us through?”

“She appointed me as her medical legal guardian. I was bound.”

“In the first place, why did you agree to be that?”

“She’s an orphan, Kiko. Who else should make the call for her when she can’t? There was only me.” The girl debated whether she should tell him about the circumstances that led them to this point, when Kiko reached out for her hand. That small comfort made her certain she had to tell. “She’s been on life support after a car accident and registered as a Jane Doe at some rural hospice. That is why we haven’t heard from her for such a long time. She would’ve come back if she could, I believe that. A month ago, a schoolmate who

went to work at that hospice recognized Calli and called me. But when I finally had the courage to go and see her, she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Doctors started explaining to me that she would not get better. So, I signed a document stating that they won’t attempt resuscitation if she crashes again. I did that, Kiko.”

HB’s tears fell. Her arms naturally sought out her friend’s warmth, embracing Kiko’s neck from behind.

“I kept thinking. What if the doctors were wrong? What if she still had a chance to survive? I just cut off all of her chances when I signed those papers. Kiko, what do I do? My conscience is killing me. I did that to her. What happens one day when Bivi asks about her? What will I say? I’m the reason why Calli is dead.”

Kiko turns, rises from the floor, and crushes her in his chest, hushing her as he caresses her hair. “Don’t think of it that way, Bunny. Bivi would never ask. We will give her so much love that she will never think about Calli even for a second.”

“But my heart is breaking terribly, Kiko. Another life is gone because of these hands.”

Kiko covers her mouth with his large hands and she cries even louder. His tears drop and he buries his face at the crook of her neck, whispering his quiet pleas. “HB, please. You promised not to speak of it again. You must forget. Please lock those memories back in the grave again, otherwise you will lose yourself. I cannot afford to lose you, Honey. Please.”

It was already midnight, the rain was taking a break and everyone at home, who were still awake at that hour, heard the two friends, sobbing their hearts out. The man of the house even came out of his room and stood in front of Kiko’s door, trying to listen in to as much conversation as he could.

“Pa.” The third child’s warning voice booms from the other side of the floor.

“Go back to your room.” Dante mouthed.

Jigo had never seen their old man looking so serious as he did at that moment. Jigo watched him listening on, watched the play of expressions on his face. When Dante finally removed himself from that spot, Jigo also returned to his room, keeping the door ajar, sitting on the floor and strumming his guitar, writing a song he managed to finish in thirty minutes.