Romance of the Four Juans

Track 03

They didn’t need to ask. Dante Silverio volunteered the information readily. He recounted days from his youth in vivid detail which made his young sons feel ashamed. The youngest of the three choked on his food, the middle child listened attentively, while the eldest, clearly disgusted at the colorful history, swore he would vomit if he stayed to hear any more of it.

Huan stands, takes a couple of beers with him, and leaves the dining table. Soon, Kiko stands as well, pulling Jigo up with him to follow Huan. Coming into the eldest son’s room, they had the tall younger brothers ducking their heads as the door was clearly tailored to Huan’s height.

“Is this maltreatment?” Kiko wanders through the expansive, cold room. It’s a basement. And after claiming one of the nicer rooms on the second floor of the house, he thinks that Huan can do better than where he is. “Were you maltreated as a child? Tell me, and we’ll leave this place right away.”

“Relax. It’s a matter of preference.” The eldest sits on the floor instead of the sofa, placing cans of beer on the coffee table in front of him. “That man spoiled me rotten as a child. I have no complaints. Until I reached my rebellious puberty stage, that is.”

Huan opens three cans of beer, one for each, then proposes a toast. Then he starts chugging it down as fast as he can, becoming this uncontrollable drinking monster. Unlike him, Kiko and Jigo took their drinks in moderation.

Already half drunk, Huan starts to tell his version of the story. “At fifteen, I gathered all my courage and told him I wanted to know who my real father was. I didn’t get a straight answer. He told me that from the moment he claimed me as his, I was his son and he was my father. That I don’t have any other father aside from him and if I wanted to search, to do so only after he’s dead.” He sits up, crushes the can in his hand then throws it at his back. “I asked to be disadopted and I left home. Until now, I still don’t know that part of me that’s missing. Hearing about the fact that he’s dying, I thought maybe now he’d concede and tell me. That’s one of the reasons I came back. Also, to make peace with him. I was fooled. We were all fooled. He’s not dying. And I don’t know what to feel about that.”

Kiko bows his head and silently sips his beer when the question came. “Why did you come?”

Kiko sets his can down and readily gives his answer. “I came because that man is a part of who I am. You cannot go about your future without knowing the past, without knowing about the mistakes they made and learning from it. I want to know in what way are we the same, and in what way are we different? It is necessary for me to know because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I will end up committing the same mistakes he made. I don’t want that to happen. No matter how much longer he has left, I will get to know him. So, here I am.”

They turned to the youngest. “I’m here because I don’t want to regret anything. I don’t want to regret the fact that I know he existed but didn’t dare recognize him when the opportunity presented itself.”

“Were there moments when you resented him for not being present?”

“None.” Kiko finishes his beer. His downcast eyes glistened as he recalled the ups and downs of his own life. “I lived a guided life. The spirit of a law-abiding citizen has always been instilled in me by my stepfather, who is a detective. He made sure that I lived an upright life. So, everything is well. And my maternal side is chaotic enough as it is. There was not a moment I was allowed to think about what could’ve been.”

Jigo shifts his gaze to his feet and answers, “My mom never married and she’s always someplace else. But just like how Kuya Huan had that father and Tita Angel, and Kuya Kiko with his mother and stepfather, I also had someone who took care of me. I lucked out because my grandparents were educators. They stood as a father and a mother. Their embrace was just as warm. I had the proper guidance, I experienced being fed too, being lectured, scolded, taught. And my childhood was great. I sang and danced and a lot of people clapped for me, praised me, and supported me. Nothing was ever missing. This, the reason why I am here today, is just a simple looking back. Looking back at the trail that my parents left for me. It’s something that I can’t control no matter what I do. It’s their past, after all, not mine. I did not come here to rekindle anything either. I just came to meet him. I’m glad he’s not dying after all.”

“You should know. Mama, asking all of papa’s known children to come stay with him is for filtering who is able to stay and tolerate him until his end. It’s that cultural value…” Huan takes a deep breath. “But if you ask me, mama should’ve brought their son back instead. He’s the most caring person I have ever known.”

“So, they have a son together?”

“An-An. Zian Hwan. I don’t know much about the circumstances because I was still young then. Mama gave him to her brother to be raised, and that child became sort of like a cousin to me. And don’t ask me how I feel about him. My conscience gets pricked every time we’re together, because instead of him, I was the child his parents had to raise together. But you should meet him. He’s so brutally honest…”

A few more cans later and Huan’s head finally hits the hard floor. He mumbles something, but in the end he’s out like a light.

“Kuya.” Jigo continues conversing with Kiko even as the middle child cleans up the beer cans on the table, placing them on one side of the wall in a straight line. “How long have you been brothers with Kuya Huan?”

“Maybe all my life. But I’ve only known him for about seven hours. He and I look the part of good brothers, don’t we? Huan is cool, he made my heart feel at ease when I arrived. He’s so accepting. What about you? Do you mind having half-brothers?”

“I don’t know yet.” Jigo meets his eyes. “But I like you as a person, kuya. I like Kuya Huan too.”

“Let me say this as someone older, Jigo. If you’re just curious, get to know him and go home. Because it will be a huge controversy if the public finds out. From what I’ve heard, you’re a celebrity, an idol. But you’re not the only one who has a name. Your father is a businessman who also invests in the entertainment industry. Your career will be affected, but so will his business. Though, if what you actually feel is longing or if you want to be acknowledged by him, then stay.”

Kiko places a pillow underneath Huan’s head and tells Jigo to take the bed. It’s already way past midnight, and sleep came to them as soon as they closed their eyes.

None of them were awake yet when the head of the house stumbled into the kitchen searching for merienda at ten in the morning. Wondering what they were up to, he went to check Huan’s room and found them all there, with Huan and Jigo sharing the bed. The fact that they got along so well sent shivers down his spine. And as he closed the door, he’s already devising a plan to get rid of them and bring back his life to the kind of normal he had been used to.