The Pursuit of Nihilism

9. Morbid

“Huh?” Leon said while on the verge of crying. “WHY, WHY AGAIN, WHY GIVE ME EVERYTHING JUST TO HAVE IT TAKEN FROM ME AGAIN!! I HAVE NO FAMILY..” Leon said while looking at the selling on the ground. Leon now started to go bizarre. He was smashing things and hitting himself. He was truly alone, his family had been taken from him again. Leon couldn't imagine growing up without ever receiving Pats on the back from his dad and being able to see his big brother, Owen. Leon will never see them again. L e o n w i l l n e v e r s e e t h e m a g a i n? “I will never see Dad again?” Leon thought loudly. Leon couldn't take this. Why has he had so much bad luck his entire life? Why has death and despair followed him throughout his life? What did he do to deserve such horrible treatment and emotional damage? He couldn’t think, he couldn’t think of a reason horrible things were happening in his life for particularly no reason. Leon had nothing to live for. He didn’t want to live. Leon grabbed a rope from the garage and hung it up. I’ve tried, I’ve tried, it took so much but I’ve tried, I can’t take this anymore, I don’t wanna live anymore. Leon's thoughts were only encouraging him. Leon stepped on the stool being encouraged by his thoughts to jump off. But he couldn’t. Leon’s hands were shaking. “W-what? I’m scared. I’m scared after all this. I'm scared after being born Now out of all times? Why now? Why can’t I just die? I wanna die. I wanna die. I don’t want to live.”

Does death gain people reassurance?

•

2 years later.

“Come down to eat Leon!” his auntie said in a loud jolly tone. “Coming,” Leon said depressingly. Leon was now 16, still going to the same school, of course, he didn't bother telling his auntie anything. He didn't bother telling anyone anything. Leon wasn't the same, his eyes were dead, and not a sign of happiness registered in his eyes. Leon was traumatized, nothing made him happy. His auntie gladly took custody of him, but this made him even more sad. He didn't feel like doing anything. He was mentally dead. The bullying went on but it wasn't as bad. He was never chosen as the red card again after his incident, and surprisingly no one minded. Leon wouldn't care either way. “Have a nice day at school Leon. Have fun and don't make trouble ok?” Auntie Shirley said politely. “Understood,” Leon said in a low tone. Leon missed his family. But for some reason, it's like the world was meaningless to him. him being alive was meaningless. The world should have a purpose Leon that at first. Now? The world and the humans in it are meaningless he thought. Why should we endure suffering? Wouldn't we be happier dead than alive? The dead don't have worries to deal with, the dead don't have to deal with hardships. Leon's mind went over the borderline of insanity.

•

More of a calm insanity I’d say.