Poppy's Fall

Chapter 16

“Tell me about Fiona”

Poppy was met with complete silence.  Even the birds had stopped chirping for several seconds as though they knew she had opened up a can of worms.  She was just about to apologize and tell him he didn’t have to tell her anything when he spoke.

Ryan shifted to place a forearm on his knee.  “We met at a ceilidh in Galway.  A cousin of mine was trying to convince me to go and I finally relented.  When we got there I made my way to the kitchen where I knew the ale would be.”  Ryan looked off in the distance seemingly dredging up memories of that time.

“Was it love at first sight?” Poppy asked him. 

“We were young.” Ryan chuckled and looked down. “Of course it was love at first sight.”

He then got up to his feet to pace.  Talking about Fiona was more difficult than he thought it would be.  It had been several years, after all, since they had parted ways.  He found his way to the small stream where he stooped to pick up a handful of small pebbles from the banking. 

“It wasn’t long before we were a couple.” He threw one pebble in. “She was working in a pub in the city and seeing as I was always visiting her we were soon looking for a flat together.”

He was giving her the shortened version of Ryan and Fiona; she didn’t need to know all the details of their time together.

“After a year of courting I asked her to marry me and she happily said yes.” Ryan threw in another pebble.  “I gave her a small ring, promising her that someday I would replace it with a bigger one but she beamed when I slipped it on her finger.  Then it was as though things changed overnight.  She grew more and more distant until the day I found a note she left on the kitchen table and she was gone.”

With one last throw the remaining pebbles flew out of Ryan’s hand to land in the flowing water.  He turned to see Poppy had made her way closer to him.  He saw the pity in her eyes just as he knew he would and hated it.  He had despised it back then when word had gotten out that Fiona had left and he despised it now.

“I’m sorry.” Poppy managed when she was close enough to see the sadness in his eyes.  She never should have brought it up and now felt like a complete jerk for making him relive it.

Ryan reached out to her, drawing her close so she could rest her head on his shoulder. “Don’t be, it was a long time ago and I have you now.”

Poppy closed her eyes shut as tight as she could, Ryan’s words drilling into her head…I have you now.  

This...was not what she wanted to hear.  She knew Ryan could possibly have some feelings for her but hearing him say those four little words, it was obvious it was more than a little crush.  In a few short hours she would be ripping his heart out.  She would be telling him that she was going back home, back to Kyle.  Poppy was not ready to see the devastation he would surely experience when she told him.

And, wow, did she ever have an ego on her.  Where had this attitude come from?  Just because Ryan had feelings for her didn't mean it would be the end of his life.  She was sure it would hurt him on some level but devastation?  Never in her life had she felt as though she was the be all, end all for anyone and she doubted she was for Ryan.  

When he stepped away she plastered a smile on her face.  She would make sure the last time he saw her would be regarded as a good memory.

"Where to next?" she busied herself packing away the remains of their picnic, then stood up brushing away non-existent dirt from her pants.

Ryan squinted his eyes a bit wondering what she was up to.  She was acting a little off but he didn't know why.  Quite frankly he had known something was off the second he saw her with the bright yellow hair but there was also the fact that she could barely look at him in the eye and busied herself needlessly.

They made the short trek back to Ryan's truck and were on the road again before long.  Poppy glanced at the clock on the dash.  Still time.  There was still time to just be with him and in the morning she would be on a plane back home.  She would be in the arms of the man she was supposed to be with.  Right?

If she was so sure then why didn't it feel like it?  Just the thought of leaving this place was making her heart beat erratically in her chest, her palms sweaty and just plain left a bad taste in her mouth.  Then again, the thought of not getting on that plane made her feel the same way.  She hated this feeling.  All her life she had never flip flopped on anything.  She had never doubted what action to take on anything.  

On the one hand there was Kyle.  From the moment they met their relationship was electrifying.  She had left for Ireland the second something seemed off and never confronted him about it or gave him a chance to explain himself.  

On the other hand there was Ryan, the very man sitting beside her.  The one innocently holding her hand as they drove through the Irish countryside; as though they had done this a thousand times before.  The one who opened doors for her, pulled out her chair or guided her with his hand on the small of her back.  He made her feel comfortable and safe.  Poppy could actually see herself enjoying this kind of life with him as opposed to the fast-paced life back in New York.  

But how long would she be okay with it?  That's what scared her the most.  Would they settle into an easy life, one most people would kill to have, then she would become unhappy?  She would undoubtedly hurt him if she left now but if she left in a few years what would that do to him?  To her?  Even knowing it was the right thing to do it would destroy her.  It was destroying her now.

                                                                                    ***

Ryan could feel the tension in the way her hand lay in his.  He could tell she was struggling with something but didn't quite know how to bring it up.  Women could be volatile creatures any man should approach with caution.  One wrong word and you end up on the couch.  Truth be told he was worried about her and wanted to somehow let her know he was there to help with whatever was troubling her.  

When a small sigh escaped her he gave her hand a slight squeeze hoping it was enough to show he was there for her, no matter what.