Memories Lost - First of Apocalyptic Hell Series

Bitter-Sweet Memories

    “Sayuri,” I felt a large arm pull me in close, a large frame pressed against my back, “Come my love, we must prepare to meet the queen.” Theoden nuzzled my hair and kissed the top of my head. I grumbled in annoyance and rolled over, burying my face into his large chest. He chuckled softly as he stroked my hair and moved a few strands out of my face. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

    “Why must we be awake so early, love? Queen Alenia can wait a few more moments.” I growled, he slipped an arm underneath me and lifted me up as he moved to lay on his back, then lifted me so I was sprawled on his chest. I giggled as he did this, then curled into his chest while propping my head up so I was resting on my chin looking at him. 

    “I would love to lay in this bed with you all day, as we have for many days since coming here, but we now have to start preparing for an even longer battle. We must do our duty to Eindenia, Lilith must be defeated. Then when this war is over, we shall spend as many days as you want in bed and I will ravage you till the end of days.” He pulled me up as he lifted himself up till his lips met mine gently at first, then grew in intensity. 

    I would’ve been perfectly happy with staying there for the rest of my life, but we simply could not do that. He pulled away entirely too soon. He gazed into my eyes as he stroked my hair, the amount of love and devotion that I felt in the moment was enough to keep me satisfied till this meeting would be over. 

    “Fine, but I will hold you to that deal.” I slid off of him and off the bed, walked over to the large cushioned chair where he would sit to read his books to grab my linen shirt. I knew he was staring at my bare ass as I bent over to reach for my shirt. Once I was standing up again I looked over my shoulder at him, “Think the queen would mind if we were a few minutes late?” I asked as I slowly pulled my shirt up one arm. Theoden sighed and chuckled at me, I could see he was fighting the urge as he stood up. He walked up behind me and took my shirt from me only to help me put it on the other arm. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. 

    “If we stayed, I would  ravage you like I desperately want to and we would never make it to meet with her. I’m certain she would send someone to fetch us if we stayed.” I growled at his response, he was right anyway, but I wasn’t about to let him win this. I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I pressed my face against his chest and took a deep breath, feigning my reaction as I acted like he smelled. 

    “I don’t think the Queen needs to know what we’ve been doing these days. We need to go to the bathing caves to clean up before we meet with her.” I waved my hand in front of my nose, “We smell like debauchery and lust.” Theoden arched an eyebrow at me and gave me this look like he knew what I was up to. “Smell yourself if you don’t believe me.” I was rather amazing that he did and thankfully I wasn’t wrong on this. 

    “Alright, you’re right. But bathing is all we will be doing.” He gave me a stern look before he walked over to gather some clothes. I quickly grabbed what I needed, having an extra spring in my step knowing I was going to get exactly what I was wanting before this dreadfully boring meeting. 

    We walked together, he carried the burlap sack that held our clean clothes and had it slung over his shoulder. I was walking on the opposite side so he could drape his free arm over my shoulders, I intertwined my fingers with his as we walked in silence to the caverns that held the natural baths. I was still amazed with these and how the water always stayed clean no matter how many people went to bathe in them or how they held the water at a hot and pleasant temperature. 

    When we arrived at the mouth of the caverns, we picked out the scented salts that we would use, grabbed some of the drying and washing cloths, then headed to find an open cavern that we could bathe privately in. Once we were in our private area, Theoden ensured the door was shut and locked before I started to disrobe myself. I may have been comfortable with being naked, but only with Theoden, not with complete strangers. 

    I slipped into the naturally hot waters and sighed in relief, it felt amazing to be in these waters. The water went all the way up to my chin, but on Theoden it reached below his chest forcing him to sit on the bottom of the natural pool. With a sly smirk on my lips I planned my next move, determined to get what I wanted. 

    I moved to the carved out bench to lift myself out of the water enough, my breasts were just above the water line. I grabbed the salts I picked out, rubbing them up and down my arms. I could feel Theoden’s eyes on me the entire time, I pretended that I didn’t notice him doing this as I went about washing myself. Lifting my sculpted legs above the water as I rubbed the scented salts over my flesh. My final move was washing my hair, massaging the salts into my scalp to help scrub the grim that had built up over the past few days. I let out a slight moan as I massaged my scalp, arching my back as I sat angled knowing he could see how arching my back in such a way was rather naughty. 

    When I finished scrubbing my hair I dove under the water to rinse, when I came back up for air I was face to face with Theoden’s chest. I looked up at him, his eyes smoldering with love and lust as he gazed down at me, meeting my eyes, his breath was ragged. That fluttering feeling in my stomach came back with a vengeance, just like burning that was deep in my gut. My heart fluttered wildly the longer I held his gaze. We stood there just gazing into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity before he spoke. 

    “It seems you are in need of a lesson my love, teasing is not a wise decision.” His voice was deep, rumbling deep in his chest. He leaned down, hooking an arm behind me while grasping on cheek with his large hand, lifting me up, his free hand weaving into my hair as he pulled me into a deep kiss. 

    His lips pressed against mine, it didn’t take much for him to gain entry and to begin exploring my mouth. We spared for control, but he easily won as always. He growled as he deepened the kiss. I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist, his manhood already hard as stone. He stepped forward, pressing on till we reached the bench cut out and he sat me down. 

    We broke apart long enough to take a breath before he started a trail of kisses along my jaw and neck till he reached my breast. He wrapped his lips around my fleshy nub, pinching it lightly between his teeth as he teased it till it stood at attention. As he moved to the other one there was a light knocking at the door then the queen’s squire opened the door. Theoden quickly raised up, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest to block the squire’s view. 

    “Are you half mad?!”Theoden bellowed as he threw one of the bottles of scented salts at the squire, who narrowly escaped being bludgeoned by the glass bottle as he dove to the floor. It shattered against the stonewall of the cavern. 

    “Well I never!” he grumbled as he stood and righted himself and fixed his tunic, “Queen Alenia sent me to fetch you. You are late to your meeting with her, you were to arrive promptly and decent.” The last part of his statement he looked down his hooked nose at us and sneered. 

    “I suggest you leave before I get a hold of you. Naked or not, I will rip your throat out with my teeth if I have to get out of this bath. You do not just barge into a bathing cavern when the door is shut, the same rule applies to a whorehouse, you ass!” I growled at him, my voice may have been muffled from being pressed against Theoden’s chest, but the squire heard me. I could tell by his gasp that he heard me and knew I would hold true to my word if he did not leave. He hurriedly left, slamming the door behind him as he scurried away.  

    “Well my love, as much as I want to ravage you right here, we must go to our meeting with the queen. Before that little goblin comes back.” he glowered at the door as he growled that last statement. 

    I knew he would be mentioning that to the queen when we got there. I simply pulled him into a deep embrace, he wrapped his large arms around me with one hand woven into my hair. I was frustrated and scared, I knew this meeting was the end of our time together as we had been spending the last few months. 

    Since I met him at Fort Hope I knew he was special. I never would’ve imagined that I would have fallen in love with him. I never imagined falling in love before, especially after everything I went through with Daryl. We had created a strong bond at Fort Hope that grew into something more as we journeyed to Eindenia. Now any time we were near each other, we couldn't separate. We have to be constantly touching in some manner. Being near him is more than words can describe, he was my everything. I feared this war would take him from me, just like everything else in this life.  

    As we walked up to the room where we were supposed to meet Queen Alenia, we were greeted by the same squire as before. Just to be playful I bared my teeth, growled and made a small lunge at him. Instantly he flinched, letting out a small squeak. This gave everyone a good chuckle, even the guards. As we walked into the room, the queen turned around to greet us. 

    “Blessed be, Sayuri, blessed be, Theoden. I apologize for the squire’s behavior, sometimes he takes his duties too seriously.” I gave her a curious look since no one had mentioned it yet. “I heard about the squire’s behavior. I did not ask him to barge in on you, I asked him to check to ensure you were coming to our meeting.” She looked genuine as she said that. 

    “Blessed be, your majesty.” We said in unison as we bowed before we took turns grasping her forearm. 

    “It would’ve been different if we were clothed.” I said before muttering under my breath, “If it happens again you may be missing a squire.”  I growled under my breath, she heard me and chuckled at my comment. 

    “Yes, well he does have a tendency to take his position rather seriously when I send him on an errand.” she turned back to the table as she motioned for us to join her. As I stepped up to the table I could see various maps and scrolls scattered about, the largest map contained small figurines that reminded me of chess pieces covering the map in various areas. 

    “What did you wish to meet about, your majesty? Any news on Lilith?” Theoden asked as he looked over the large map. I glared down at the map while I waited for the queen to speak. 

    “She has set her fortress here,” she motioned to the area of the map that had a black castle, “It is here where she has been amassing her forces, my intel has been bringing back information saying she has been searching for people, Fae and mortal alike to bring back to her fortress. We are not sure what she has been doing with them though.” She looked sad for a moment. It felt like someone had just given me a swift punch in the gut. I left in search of my friends, now I have abandoned them out in that hell. 

    “What could she possibly need them for? Prisoners? Soldiers? She already won over half of the dark races over to her side, what use would any of the refugees be to her?” I growled. The thought of that demon b***h reeking more havoc on the world boiled my blood. 

    “We don’t know yet, the only thing we know is that she has been taking them. She could be adding them to her army or she is using them for something else.” This was in need of dire attention. 

    “Then we should start sending people out to find as many refugees that are out there and bring them back. We could also gather supplies to bring back as well, especially medically supplies and weapons. Anything that could slow down that demon bitch.” I would love to do nothing more than to bring her to her knees and make her pay for her crimes. 

    “No, I will not risk sending you out there. I already have forces out there finding refugees and plenty of raiding parties. I will not put you at risk, Sayuri.” She spoke sternly. It was as if she could read my mind, knowing I wanted to go out in search of my friends. 

    “I still have friends out there that were like family to me, I will not simply forget about them and just leave them at the mercy of Lilith!” I slammed my fist on the table with enough force to knock over some of the figurines on the map. “I have no family, they are the closest thing I have to a family. I cannot leave them out there. I have spent enough time here, I cannot abandon them.” I held Queen Alenia’s gaze, refusing to give in on this. After some time she looked away and sighed. 

    “You won’t stand down on this matter, will you?” She looked at me as I held her gaze even longer. She sighed in defeat, “Well so be it, but you won’t be going without proper gear.” She walked over to her large desk and grabbed a leather satchel, tossing it to me. I opened it to find several drawstring sacks that looked large enough to hold a canteen of water, each had a different colored patch sewn onto them. I looked back up at the Queen in confusion. 

    “I don’t understand, what are these for?” I asked. 

    “These may look like common everyday sacks, but they have something incredibly special added to them. They have an Undetectable Extension Charm on them so they can hold an unlimited amount of items, each color represents something different. You can use these as you raid on your journey to find your friends.” She gave me a warm and kind smile, “I may not be able to stop you, but you must spend time training before you leave. I expect you to leave with as much preparation as possible, which means you will train in all manners of combat, tracking, survival, and magic.” I couldn’t even stop myself when I lunged at her pulling her into a hug. I could feel tears burning my eyes as a knot formed in my throat. I almost felt for certain she was going to deny my request to look for my friends, yet here we were, she was granting me permission. 

    Everything soon began to be engulfed in a fog as the memory of that day faded back into the recesses of my mind. Where was I? How long have I been out? I thought as I floated through the fog of my mind. I had no idea how long I had been lost within my memories, but I remembered my last days with Theoden before I left. I remember all the training I went through before I could leave. 

    “Promise me that you will be safe, my love?” Theoden’s deep, rumbling voice echoed through the fog. His face began to come through the fog, I remembered that moment. It was the day that I left Eindenia. That moment haunted me several nights after I had left, all I wished for in that moment was to be in his arms. 

    “I promise, I’ll be back before you know it. And you better be here when I return. Your mission shouldn’t take as long as mine, so you better be here at the gates and waiting for me.” I leaned into him, his large arms wrapping around my body and engulfing me. 

    It was my safe place, I knew I was safe in his arms and that no one would ever harm me here. I knew I had to find my friends, but I didn’t want to leave him either. Tears threatened to spill over, the burning sensation was almost too much. It was almost as if he knew what I was feeling as he leaned away and forced me to look up at him. 

    “No tears, my little dove. No tears. This isn’t the end, we will be together once more when you return. Your friends need you more right now, they are out there waiting for you. The sooner you find them, the sooner you can bring them back and the sooner,” he paused as he leaned down and kissed my forehead, “you will be home,” then he kissed the very tip of my nose, “with me.” Finally kissing my waiting lips. 

    I melted into his touch, clinging to him as if he were my lifeline. I wanted it to go on forever, but it ended all too soon as he pulled apart. I looked up into his eyes and could see the sadness they held as we silently said our final goodbyes. 

    I turned quickly to Vivaldi, preparing to mount. Theoden stepped up behind me and boosted me into the saddle. I grasped his hand one last time while we waited for the gates to open to allow the raiders to leave the realm. As the horns blasted alerting that the gates were opening I caught a sob in my throat, fighting it back for now. 

    “Ride quickly and quietly, my love!” Theoden shouted above the noise of the crowd of the guards and other raiders. I leaned down pressing my forehead into his, he tilted his head up for a final kiss. I choked back a sob as I turned Vivaldi to face the open gates, I held him back looking back at Theoden one last time. 

    I could see the tears as they streamed down his face, the torment clear in his eyes. With the final blow of the horns he clapped his hand down on Vivaldi’s rump, causing him to squeal as he reared and lurched forward, galloping towards the gates. I looked back watching Theoden grow smaller as the distance grew. My vision blurred when the tears finally spilled forward. All I could do was lean forward, cling to Vivaldi’s neck and bury my face into his thick mane as he galloped through the gates of the realm and into the wilds beyond them. 

    Vivaldi stopped after we made it a short distance from the gates to give me a moment to regain my composure. I had to fight back the urge to turn around and run back to those gates, demanding to be let back in. The rational part of me reminded me that my friends were still out there, probably barely surviving and scraping by while hiding in fear from Lilith’s minions. I couldn’t leave them out there, many of them had families of their own with children. I had to do what I could for them, they were the only family I had left after all these years. 

    ‘Sayuri?’ Vivaldi’s voice echoed within my mind breaking through my thoughts. ‘We must continue before Lilith’s minions that are near find us.’ I lifted myself up, the cool breeze drying my tears even as more spilled over. I blinked a few times to clear my eyes, after a moment I managed to pull myself together. 

    ‘Let’s go, we have a long way to go before we get to where we can start the search.’ I gave him a quick nudge of my heels and he took off at an easy lope. I could feel as the knot came back in my throat and was threatening to cause more tears. I fought them back with as much strength as possible, there wasn’t time for tears. 

    ‘Sayuri?’ Vivaldi flicked his ears back to me as he heard me choke back a small sob, ‘If you need a moment, I’m certain we can find a spot to give you some time. I will be able to get us back on track in no time.’ So much sympathy and worry were in his words as they rang through my mind. 

    ‘I’ll be okay, the sooner we find my friends, the sooner we can get back to Eindenia and the sooner I will be back with my love.’ There was a slight bite to my words, but I couldn’t give into these tears. Not yet. There will be time for them later. Vivaldi snorted in annoyance as he picked up his pace, I could tell that my words hurt him a bit. ‘I’m sorry.’ He didn’t say anything back, but his ears flicked back to me and he slowed his pace a bit. There wasn’t as much force in his strides. 

    We travelled without stopping till dark, well after sunset and we lost the light of the moon. We found a small hidden clearing that was protected by plenty of thicket and thick tree coverage from above. I unrolled my bedroll and set up underneath the largest tree, Vivaldi laid so I could rest next to him. As I searched through one of my packs looking for something small to eat when I touched a linen shirt. I pulled it out to find it was one of Theoden’s black linen shirts with a small bottle of his scented bath salts and a note. 

    To my love - 

    We don't get to choose whom we love. When I first met you, I honestly didn't know you were going to be this important to me. Even if I spend the whole day with you, I will miss you the second you leave. It is strange to think that since you rode through the gates leaving Eindenia I have missed you. I will see the moon, full and new, every sunset and sunrise but none of it will compare to your beauty. 

    I can sense your love even in darkness. You are the moon of my life, that is all that I know and if this has been a dream I will kill the man who tries to wake me. I have never been so scared of losing something in my entire life, nothing has meant as much to me as you do. 

    The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could pass through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.

    For upon your return I never want to part from your side, I wish to spend the rest of my days with you until I take my last breath. Everything about you is perfect, your smile brightens the darkest room, your touch heals old wounds, your scent is most delightful and sweet, like moonlit lilac fields. 

    Hope is what guides me through each day and night. Hope that after you have left my sight that it will not be the last time I gaze upon you, the last time I look into your beautiful eyes. Eyes are the soul's windows, I know this to be true for when I gaze into your eyes the view is beautiful. 

    Ride swiftly, travel silently and return to me in haste, my love. 

    With all the love I possess, I remain yours.

    As I read his beautiful words the knot returned in my throat, but I couldn’t hold them back any further. I held the parchment to my chest as the tears I had fought back burst forth, the dam that had held crumbled as wave after wave of tears poured my eyes. I choked on the sobs as my heart was torn, I didn’t understand why having to leave Theoden was hurting as much as it was. I couldn’t wrap the logical part of my mind around the emotions that were storming through my mind. Vivaldi pressed his muzzle into the side of my face as he shuffled into my ear. 

    ‘Please don’t be sad, you will be with him once again.’ Vivaldi tried to comfort me, but nothing could. I rolled Theoden’s letter up, returning the ribbon he had tied it with. I pulled his linen shirt to my face, inhaling his scent as the fabric absorbed my tears. I collected myself enough to cast a few protection charms so we wouldn’t be bothered during the night. Once cast I laid down on the bedroll, pulling his linen shirt to my face and slipped into a restless sleep while tears continued to stream down my face. 

    Thick fog filled my line of sight against the never ending darkness. I began to panic as I wandered through it, but finding no end to it. Where was I? Did I die? Am I in some never ending void of nothingness? Fear and panic began to well up inside me as I started to run through the fog.