CHAPTER 9: BREAKING WITHOUT KNOWING HIM
1061 Words
Why does remembering him hurt this much?
Why does my chest feel like it’s breaking… even though I finally know the truth?
And why does it feel like… no matter what I choose, I’m going to lose him?
I couldn’t breathe properly.
The memories.
The feelings.
Everything was crashing into me at once.
I stepped back from him.
Not because I wanted to.
But because I needed space.
Needed air.
Needed something to hold onto that wasn’t falling apart inside me.
“You erased me,” I said.
My voice was quiet.
But it shook.
Daniel didn’t move.
He just stood there, watching me like he already knew what was coming.
“You erased us,” I added.
My chest tightened painfully.
“Like it didn’t matter.”
“It mattered,” he said immediately.
Too fast.
Too firm.
“Then why would you do that to me?” I snapped.
My emotions finally breaking through.
Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t wipe them away.
I wanted him to see.
To feel it.
“To protect you,” he said again.
The same answer.
The same reason.
And somehow…
That made it worse.
“You don’t get to decide that!” I shouted.
My voice echoed slightly in the quiet space around us.
“You don’t get to decide what I remember… or who I love!”
Silence.
Heavy.
Painful.
“I was trying to save you,” he said.
His voice was lower now.
But still steady.
“And what about me?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“What about how I felt?”
He didn’t answer.
Because he couldn’t.
Because he knew.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
Then another.
“Do you know what it feels like?” I whispered.
“To feel something so strong… and not even understand why?”
My chest tightened.
“To look at you and feel like my heart belongs to you… but I don’t even know how?”
My voice cracked completely.
“It hurt,” I said.
The word came out soft.
But it carried everything.
“All this time… it hurt.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened slightly.
His control slipping just a little.
“I was there,” he said quietly.
My brows frowned.
“What?”
“I stayed close,” he continued.
His voice almost breaking now.
“I watched you.”
My heart stopped.
“What do you mean… you watched me?”
His eyes locked onto mine.
“I made sure no one got close,” he said.
“I made sure you were safe.”
A pause.
“Even if it meant staying away.”
That hurt.
More than anything else.
“So you were there?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“All this time?”
He didn’t look away.
“Yes.”
My chest tightened painfully.
“And you never told me?” I whispered.
“I couldn’t,” he said.
“Because if you remembered me… they would find you again.”
My hands trembled slightly.
“So you just… watched me live my life?” I asked.
“Like I didn’t matter enough to fight for?”
That was the wrong thing to say.
I saw it immediately.
Something in him snapped.
Not anger.
Something deeper.
Pain.
“I fought for you every single day,” he said.
His voice low.
Raw.
“You just didn’t see it.”
Silence fell between us.
Thick.
Heavy.
Overwhelming.
My breathing was uneven now.
My heart aching in a way I couldn’t control.
“I didn’t ask you to forget me,” I said softly.
His eyes softened slightly.
“I know.”
“I didn’t ask you to leave,” I added.
His jaw tightened again.
“I know.”
“Then why does it feel like you did?” I whispered.
That broke him.
I saw it.
Clear.
Real.
For the first time…
He didn’t have control over it.
“I thought it was the only way,” he admitted.
His voice quiet.
Almost fragile.
“I thought if you forgot me… you’d be safe.”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
“But I wasn’t,” I said.
My voice trembling.
“I was still searching for you.”
His breath hitched slightly.
“I didn’t even know who you were… but I was still looking for you.”
That hit him.
Hard.
Because it was true.
Because somehow…
Even without the memories…
I still found him.
“I kept coming back,” I continued.
“To the same place.”
“The same feeling.”
“The same pull.”
My chest tightened again.
“Do you know how crazy that felt?”
He didn’t answer.
Because he couldn’t.
Because he understood now.
“I would have chosen you,” I said softly.
The words hung in the air.
Heavy.
Real.
“I did choose you.”
Silence.
A long, painful silence.
Then slowly…
He stepped closer.
Carefully.
Like he was afraid I would move away.
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
Because even now…
Even after everything…
I still wanted him close.
“I know,” he said.
His voice softer now.
Different.
“I know you would.”
My heart tightened again.
“Then stop pushing me away,” I whispered.
His eyes searched mine.
Deep.
Conflicted.
Like he was fighting himself.
“I don’t know how to keep you safe and keep you close,” he admitted.
That honesty…
It broke something in me.
Because for the first time…
He wasn’t trying to control it.
He was just being real.
“You don’t get both,” I said quietly.
The truth sitting heavy between us.
“Then what do I get?” he asked.
My heart skipped.
“You get me,” I said.
The words came out before I could stop them.
Soft.
But certain.
His expression changed.
Everything in him shifting at once.
“And if that puts you in danger?” he asked.
I stepped closer.
Closing the space between us.
“Then we face it together,” I said.
Silence.
But this time…
It wasn’t painful.
It was something else.
Something stronger.
Something that felt like a decision.
Like a line had been crossed.
And there was no going back.
Because this time…
I wasn’t choosing fear.
I was choosing him.
Completely.
- Writer
