Fated Desire

Four - Proposal

Jason lent back enough to study her clearly. Beyond the courtroom it had started raining. Thunderous heavy rain that battered the high glass windows. The torches around the room no longer seemed to provide enough light as Sastra looked at the man. Her throat was tight with panic. Uncertainty stripped her of voice. Had she really just suggested that, out loud?

‘What about me?’ He asked slowly, wanting to be sure of what the Duchess was suggesting before he made a fool of himself. He felt as though he was walking a tightrope, no matter which way he fell there was only catastrophe. The only way of getting out alive would be to advance with great caution.

‘What about…’ Sastra paused, her mind struggling to catch up with her tongue, ‘what if I married you?’

‘Your Grace,’ he looked down at her slender fingers, encased within his own, ‘we’ve only just met,’ he summoned a smile then, even though she could tell that he was shocked by her suggestion. His cheeks beneath the fine freckles had started to darken. ‘I admit, that I don’t think I’ve quite been able to steal your heart…’ he tried to tease her gently.

Sastra turned to him, refusing to bow to the fear that tried to silence her. Fear could be an enemy, or a friend. She wet dry lips, Jason was a good man. A good Knight. Feeling his touch upon her skin did things to her insides, that she had spent a lot of time avoiding. The Duchess of Khama had never sought romance, preferring to lay claim to independence by birth, rather than be granted it by a husband. But what if she’d missed the chance to choose a good man. Fear could be the match to a taper.

‘My Uncle, the King is going to find me a husband. I won’t know him either,’ she protested softly. Made brave as the rain slid in heavy drops down the windows, Sastra reached out and curled her fingers gently around Jasons’s features. He had a long, aquiline face with his strong jaw. His light blue eyes were often thoughtful, until now. Now they darkened with unspoken desire and her breath caught again. As though the strings of her corsetry had been pulled too tight. Had he looked at her this way before? Sastra wondered, had she missed it?

‘It’ll be someone for the good of the Kingdom,’ Jason placed his own hand over hers, holding it to his face. He turned to press a kiss to her palm, their gazes locked together. She could see him thinking, turning over the idea in his mind. ‘Sastra, they’ve tried you for treason…if you run…’ whatever desire she’d read in his features faded just as quickly. He lent back and slowly lowered her hand, capturing it once more between his own. ‘I cannot be responsible for your death.’

‘I can’t do it,’ she whispered, honest as she faced him. ‘Sir De Straffe…I can’t do it. I know that I should be better prepared,’ her words caught in her throat as she pulled her hand away. ‘I can’t marry a stranger.’ If she ran they would sentence her to death. The appropriate response to her acts of treason against the crown. An outcome she preferred.

Decided, Sastra stood and dusted off her skirts with shaking fingers. She wouldn’t marry a stranger. She gathered herself, trying to ignore the way her fingers tingled wherever Jason had held them.

‘Your Grace,’ he stood beside her then, ‘many people find happiness in arranged marriages,’ he pushed his fingers through his short red hair. Frustrated, his free hand dropped to his hip, where his sword was usually buckled. Today his belt was bare, his sword waiting for him at the entrance to the courtroom. As if this was some kind of battle he could win with weaponry.

‘I will not,’ Sastra glanced back at the man. ‘But…I..’ she bit her lower lip once more, ‘I apologise if my proposal offended you.’

‘Proposal…’ his mouth was agape. Although he seemed to gather himself quickly, crossing the distance between them, ‘you’re going to run, arn’t you? You’re going to do it anyway?’

Sastra nodded, she lifted her chin up. Resolute in her decision.

‘Where will you go?’ He demanded and she heard the note of panic in his voice.

‘I…’ She touched her tongue to her bottom lip again, her resolve threatening to crack just as quickly as it had been put in place. She didn’t know. This hadn’t been the plan. She’d attended the trial fearing the worst. That she might be executed. She’d also dared to dream that her Uncle would forgive her foolish actions. That he might feel compassionately towards her. Her heart thudded uncomfortably in her chest as thunder rolled over head. A large boom echoed through the stone chamber. She yelped, jumping closer to the man. She felt safe around Jason and he lifted his hands, resting them on her shoulders.

‘I don’t know yet,’ Sastra admitted, ‘I didn’t expect this…this judgement. I feel caught in a nightmare, Sir. I…One I don’t yet know how I might escape.’

Jason let out a slow sigh, ‘if you left Milany…you would be beyond the King’s reach,’ he suggested quietly, as though doubting the wisdom of his own words. Or perhaps, the wisdom in sharing them with the Duchess.

‘Oh…’ Sastra considered the idea. ‘Yes!’ Was she always such an i***t? Sastra didn't like to think so. Usually she was considered a fast thinker and an even faster talker. But stripped of all her certainty the woman found herself stumbling, lurching in the darkness for ideas that she knew must be out there somewhere. Thunder boomed again, this time making the windows rattle in their panes as lightning lit the room in a flash of blue light. She jumped again, but this time managed not to jump into the man’s arms like a fool. She’d already asked him to marry her, and he’d said no without managing to say the word at all.

‘There is somewhere you might go?’

‘I have an aunt on my Mother’s side. She’s in Ipito, across the Fjords’

Never had Sastra imagined that she might propose to someone, let alone that they might refuse her. Nor had she imagined her Uncle would announce to the entire court that as punishment, she would find herself in an arranged marriage. For someone who had valued his own privacy, he’d run roughshod over hers. Maybe she’d be feeling less resentful, less frightened if it had been a private conversation. If it hadn’t been a punishment.

‘Would she you protect you from the King?’ Jason asked softly.

Sastra frowned, ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, ‘she doesn’t like him…I don’t think she would turn me over to him. But I don’t know that I could live with her, forever.’

‘Maybe just until you think of a better option?’ The Knight suggested. He lifted his hand once more, feathering a touch against her cheek.

‘And you won’t marry me?’ Why was she asking again? Sastra could kick herself, but as the lightning split the sky once more, despite everything, or maybe because of it, she wanted to be wrapped safely in the man’s arms. It was an unnerving desire. One that saw her steady herself with a hand on the back of the nearest table. The sky flickered again but without the rumble of thunder. Did that mean the storm was closer, or moving further away?

‘Your Grace,’ Jason murmured the words until she silenced him with the shake of her head.

‘Sastra,’ she insisted.

‘Sastra,’ he said the word slowly, testing it on his tongue as he looked down at her. Broad shoulders silhouette against the sconces that flickered behind him. The clerks were lingering somewhere, she knew. They must be desperate to get into the room and put out the torches for the night. Yet for now, the courtroom felt private. Somewhere she could be with Jason and be afforded to freedom to speak openly. A rare gift. One that she intended to seize with both hands.

‘Sastra…I will help you leave Milany,’ he promised slowly and the weight of his words settled between them. The truth that they both knew was simple. If Sastra ran, she would be executed for treason. If Jason helped her, so too would he. If they were caught. Helping her leave would be an act against the King. He would be forsaking his Knight’s Oath to serve. He would be risking his shield, his reputation and his life for her.

She couldn’t breathe.

‘No’ she changed her mind just as quickly. ‘I- I’m going alone,’ Sastra withdrew from the man, determined to put space between them. Damnit, her mind was racing. All her thoughts had been coming far too slowly, reluctantly. Now there were so many that she was overwhelmed. Foremost in her mind, was the knowledge that she couldn’t live with Jason being executed on her behalf.

‘How will you travel?’ He demanded and closed the gap, for all his hesitation to marry her, he seemed settled on his plan to help her flee.

‘Horse,’ she turned, lifting her chin. She would be independent. She would save herself.

‘On the road?’ He lifted a brown, incredulous.

‘I’ve not worked it out yet,’ she stamped her foot in her slipper. Why was he demanding all the answers now?

‘When will you go?’ She thought she saw a smile twitching the corner of his mouth as he paused, no longer closing down the distance between them, ‘tonight?’ He didn’t hide the note of teasing in his voice and she glared at him. Maybe it had been a ridiculous idea to ask him to marry her, twice. Clearly he wasn’t as nice as she’d thought he was.

‘Yes,’ she set her shoulders back, pulling on all training as a Duchess. The highest ranking woman in the land. She would not be made to feel a fool by some Knight. Not even if, sometimes, the way he looked at her made her heart beat too fast.

‘No,’ Jason replied, calm. ‘Leaving tonight would be rash,’ he gestured to the window, ‘you’re scared of the storm, imagine what a horse would do beneath you?’

She moved to protest, only for the loudest clap of thunder to ring overhead. She yelped again, pushing her face into her hands as she stood. Sastra took a deep breath, shivering. She hated loud noises. Always had, always would.

‘Sastra,’ Jason approached once more, but this time didn't reach out to touch her. Instead kept his hands resolutely at his sides. Was it wrong that she missed his touch? Now was not the time to pout, she reminded herself.

‘We will need time to plan this. Properly. We need time to gather supplies. But I promise you, I will take you from the city…it’ll be hard work but I’ll do everything in my power to see you safely delivered to Ipito. There, you can make your decisions,’ his lips twitched again into one of those faint, roguish smiles, ‘you can even ask me to marry you again,’ he offered.

Sastra let out the breath she’d been holding, ‘and you’d say yes?’ she wondered.

‘I might just,’ he teased softly, ‘but I’ll not hold you to it. You might hate me after the journey.’

‘I don’t think that’s possible,’ she admitted. His fingers curled under her chin and she found herself searching eyes the colour of a cornflower. How was it possible for them to be so blue, even when the light was so dimmed around them? If anything, the near darkness that surrounded them made his gaze more intense. She shivered.

‘I can’t let you do this,’ Sastra shook her head, one of them had to see sense. And it wasn’t the man with a plan. ‘I can’t let you risk your life for me.’

‘And I can’t live, wondering the rest of my life what would have happened if I didn’t,’ Jason replied. ‘I’m not afraid…’

‘I am,’ Sastra admitted.

‘I’ll be with you,’ he bent then and brushed his lips gently over hers.

Sastra froze, all her focus rushing to the featherlight touch of his kiss.