Fated Desire

Six - Preparation

Sastra was following one of Jason’s suggestions, to spend more time on horseback in preparation for the long journey they would have ahead of them. Afterall, they wouldn’t be leaving Milany behind in a carriage. She’d spent more time in the stables this spring, than she had the rest of her life. It wasn’t that she couldn’t ride a horse, but it was a freedom that somewhere in her adolescence she had stopped allowing herself. It had become something she resented, along with any lessons in self defence and sword play. Lessons she had loved as a child, but then distanced herself from when it became clear she would not be able to follow her desired path in life.

But, with Jasons’s recommendation, Sastra found herself spending another rainy spring afternoon in the stables as the rain pattered down on the roof above. It bounced off the gutters and onto the courtyard beyond the stable door. The smell of sweet hay and horse was overwhelming, something she’d grown to hate in the last few years. Now though, it held a familiar comfort. A pair of stablehands were playing cards in the back room. The horses had all been fed, groomed and cared for. None of the animals housed in the King’s private stable needed to be readied to ride. Which wasn’t a surprise given the heavy weather.

Sastra stood, running a brush over the neck and shoulders of a tall back mare with a beautiful glossy mane and full feathers around its feet. She wasn’t like most of the horses, being heavier built than the long-legged riding horses that would run faster. The mare wasn’t even as heavy set as any of the destriers that the Knights trained for battle. Sastra had asked the stable hands why her Uncle had raised the foal and they’d just laughed, shrugging the question off. They didn’t know.

‘I think you’re a beauty,’ Sastra murmured as the horse lipped against the pocket of her pinafore, a simple overall that protected her fine dress from the worst of the dust. ‘You just need to find your place in the world.’

‘Don’t we all,’ a woman’s voice broke the serenity of Sastra’s moment. Even the horse’s ears flicked forward as she looked at the petite red-head who had ducked beneath the stable door. She pushed back the hood from her head in a deft motion. She had pale green eyes and her hair was braided neatly into a crown over her head. She wore a tunic of dark green, a small emblem embroidered across the left breast. But even without being able to make out the Knight’s shield and rank, Sastra would recognise Lady Liliana Lanai any day.

Here in the stables, Lady Lanai exuded a confidence Sastra could only admire. Beneath her tunic was a warm linen shirt and dark leggings tucked into sensible boots that stopped just beneath her knees. A sword was buckled at her sides and every horse as she passed, lifted it’s head to extend their nose towards her. Except the mare that stood beside Sastra, who after watching the Lady Knight for a moment, simply huffed and returned to trying to find treats in Sastra’s pockets. The Duchess held back her smile, and palmed a small mint to the horse. A loud crunching broke across the stables as Sastra turned to greet the Knight more formally.

‘Lady Lanai,’ she studied Liliana’s features, wary. Liliana had been the best friend and closest companion of Grace Denare. It had been Liliana’s investigation into Grace’s murder that had uncovered the plot that had seen Sastra found guilty of treasonous acts. For all that time had crawled by at an unbearable pace in the Palace since the trial, Sastra had not seen Liliana. Would the Knight hold her responsible for Grace’s death? Would she think that an arranged marriage was too low a price to pay?

‘I hear congratulations are in order?’ Sastra had once been ruler of the court, Queen of the ballrooms if not the country. She lifted her chin, there was a way to take charge of this situation, to keep Lady Lanai at a safe distance until she could deduce her intent.

Liliana, who had stopped to greet every horse in the stable with a gentle rub to the nose, looked up at her. She smiled and the expression lifted her features.

‘Thank you,’ the woman hesitated then, letting one of the destriers nudge her shoulder in greeting before it nibbled the edge of the hood around her shoulders. ‘I have to apologise, your Grace,’ Liliana flushed, ‘I’ve been meaning to seek you out for some time. I was at the stables for the King’s Hand, and heard you were here. I hope you don’t mind the intrusion?’ Liliana peered behind Sastra at the stable hands who’d simply lifted their hands in greeting before returning to their cards, too far away at the back of the block to hear what was being said.

‘I don’t mind at all,’ Sastra replied, curious. She had once considered the Lady Knight to be quite unremarkable, aside from her flaming locks and unusual eyes, but wasn’t too proud to reconsider her opinion. Even if Liliana did retain some of her more awkward traits. For some reason, she seemed more comfortable with the horses than she did speaking to another person. Liliana moved with a precision of movement and though it was easy enough to see her as just another Knight in her simple clothes, her smile made her a beauty that in different circumstances could have been popular among the courtiers.

‘I have to ask, however, why you’ve thought to seek me out at all though?’ Sastra turned back to the black mare, passing over the last mint she’d found in her pockets before retreating. She moved to the centre of the stable block, touching a hand to her own hair that had pulled into a simple horse-tail and swung back and forth as she moved.

Liliana moved to mirror her movements, standing before her. She shifted, as though uncertain what to do with her hands before holding them behind her back.

‘I’m sorry for the judgement you received,’ Liliana admitted softly, lifting her green gaze to meet Sastra’s.

Sastra blinked quickly, panic set her heart racing in her chest, ‘how so?’ She asked, trying hard to hide her nerves. Disappointed in believing Sastra had deserved a harsher punishment? Had Lady Lanai thought she deserved death, Sastra couldn’t help but glance back at the two stablehands and suddenly wish they were sat much closer. Though Sastra was well aware that if Lady Lanai wanted her dead, there was little the two young men could do to stop her. No matter how close they sat.

‘I…I’ve been lucky,’ Liliana sighed. She moved to one of the stalls and lent against it, folding her arms over her chest in the most unladylike manner Sastra had ever witnessed. ‘I have been able to marry a man of my choosing,’ she turned the words over carefully as she spoke. Sastra could see her weight them up. Such was her own gift in being able to read the people around her. One that had served her well at Court and led to such dangerous over confidence when it came to her Father’s oldest friend, the Baron Ardeth and his daughter, Sasha. She’d not read them right at all, their treachery still stung. Lady Lanai seemed to realise she was unable to answer, and carried on quickly.

‘I just…I just wanted you to know that I am sorry,’ Liliana added in a hurry, ‘that your Uncle decided your punishment must last a lifetime.’

Sastra almost smiled at that, she looked down at her hands, spreading out her fingers, ‘one might say I am lucky to have a lifetime. Don’t you hate me?’ She asked quietly. Of all people, she could understand if Liliana might hate her. Her Uncle and Cousins had been at risk from a treasonous plot. But it had been Liliana and Grace’s family who’d lost a loved one. They were the ones who would carry that loss each day; as she carried the guilt of it.

Liliana shook her head, ‘no.’ It was a simple reply.

Sastra felt bands wrapping around her chest again, squeezing with uncomfortable force as she looked up at the Knight. There was no malice in Liliana’s expression.

‘No?’ Sastra echoed.

‘No…’ Liliana closed the distance between them and took her hands carefully in her own. It was strange to feel the Knight’s callouses upon her palms. ‘You didn’t kill Grace. You didn’t order her death. Your Grace, you, like Grace were used and then betrayed. I heard what Ardeth meant for you,’ a faint smile pulled at the Knight’s mouth, ‘you never would have agreed to marry his son. Not for all the power in the Kingdom.’

Grief was a strange weapon, it expanded like a bubble in her chest before escaping as a soft gasp of laughter at the absurdity.

‘No,’ she agreed, ‘I’d sooner marry a frog than marry Ardeth’s son.’

Liliana grinned then, she squeezed Sastra’s hands gently before releasing them. Outside the rain poured harder and the woman grimaced as she looked back over her shoulder.

‘You told me once that you and Grace were friends, during her summer at Court.’

‘Yes,’ Sastra couldn’t help but smile at the memory. She could understand how Grace and Liliana had been friends, in many ways they were very similar. They both seemed to have an age beyond their years, with their considered words and movements. But there was a contained energy within, as though they were simply conserving their energy for something horribly reckless.

‘Then I thank you for that,’ Liliana gave a nod, ‘because you were there for her, where I couldn’t be,’ she lifted a hand to scratch the back of her neck, ‘we both know I’m no court flower. I’d have had her hiding behind the curtains, or running away from every ball.’

‘You did seem to escape a few of the season's engagements,’ Sastra found herself smiling more easily than she had all season. But it was Liliana’s sudden blush that really caught her curiosity.

‘It is George Thade that you married?’ Sastra lent forward, so that she could speak more quietly.

‘Yes,’ Liliana looked up, meeting her gaze with eyes that danced with mischief.

‘You seem very happy,’ Sastra pulled a long lock of hair forward, smoothing her fingers through it.

‘Deliriously happy,’ Liliana tilted her head to the side, ‘why?’ she wondered aloud.

‘I…he’s a common man,’ Sastra lowered her gaze and flinched at the answer. She hadn’t wanted to offende Liliana.

‘He’s a good man,’ the Knight replied and all the mischief vanished from her voice. Sastra was reminded all too easily that the woman who barely came up to her shoulder, could kill her a hundred ways with bare hands.

‘That’s not what I meant,’ Sastra tried to meet her gaze again and saw the woman soften once more, brows drawn with curiosity.

‘Go on?’ Liliana encouraged.

‘I…it doesn’t matter to you? You don’t want to live in a mansion, to attend all the seasons…you’d be happy without any wealth, or title or privilege? Not that you’ve sacrificed that,’ it was Sastra’s turn to flush, she pressed the back of her hand to her cheek. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m trying to say,’ she apologised quickly.

‘It’s alright,’ Liliana extended a hand, patting her shoulder in a light tap, ‘I think I understand.’

‘You do?’

Liliana nodded, she withdrew a little then, eyes narrowed with thought. She looked down at the distant stable hands once more, saw them still in the middle of their cards, before she glanced at the stable door. Confident that they were truly alone, she lowered her voice.

‘You’re asking if I would choose the man I love, over a lifetime of privilege and rank?’

Sastra nodded, searching her eyes for the answer. Dreading what it might be.

‘Yes,’ Liliana replied softly, ‘a thousand times yes. Don’t misunderstand me, this marriage is…challenging at times. I’m not floating on a bed of roses and sometimes I want to wring his neck,’ the Knight drew a breath, ‘but I would choose to fight with George every day than never see him. I’d choose a hut in the middle of the woods, where it was just us two, than all the ballrooms and dances in the world where I’d be forced to share out time with others.’

Silence stretched between them then, the rain continued dripping on the hard slabs of the courtyard.

‘But there’s nothing wrong in choosing the other option,’ Liliana added softly after a spell. ‘It just wouldn’t be my choice.’

Sastra nodded slowly, ‘thank you,’ she murmured. Her heart thumped more steadily. She felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She exhaled with care, ‘thank you.’ the Duchess repeated with feeling.

‘Anytime,’ Liliana smiled, and a shout for the Knight rang out across the courtyard, making the sleepy horses shift in protest. Liliana turned to go then, as though whatever had driven her to seek the Duchess out no longer held her in sway. As she reached the stable door she turned, fingers resting on the frame.

‘I do mean it,’ Liliana added, quietly. ‘If you find yourself in need of help…Grace would have helped you. I would in her stead.’

‘You don’t owe me a debt,’ Sastra swallowed the lump in her throat.

‘No,’ Liliana agreed, ‘call it a favour.’