A Forever Kind of Love

One

Lily walks out the door, letting it close loudly behind her.

“You already lost me. I just didn’t know it.” Her final words to me echo in my mind, causing a torrent of emotions to invade my brain.

Today, anger speaks the loudest.

I’m f*****g livid. I’m so mad, and I know I don’t have a reason to be.

Life just happens. Who am I to think that my life should turn out exactly the way I planned? How many people are lucky enough to have life go according to schedule? Anyone? Maybe a few bastards out there are fortunate enough, but the majority of us don’t get so lucky.

Either way I look at it, either way I choose…I will lose.

I will not be coming out of this unscathed.

It would be impossible.

But on the other hand, either way, I win, too. Life is funny that way. It’s always taking, but then it’s always giving back as well. Sometimes, I have to look more closely to find the blessings, but when I quiet the fury and pity surrounding me, I can always find the light.

“Hey,” Stella says quietly.

Speaking of the light.

She is watching me, leaning against the wooden pillar at the entranceway of the sitting room. “You okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“How did it go?” she asks, concerned.

“Horrible.” I run my hands through my hair, expelling a breath. My chest feels tight. “But I guess as good as it could have.”

Lily showed up, unannounced, to tell me that she wanted me back, that she loved me…that I was her everything.

I hadn’t wanted Lily to find out this way. I hadn’t wanted her to unknowingly walk into the house that I owned with my fiancée and pour her heart out to me. I should have gone to her to break the news earlier this week, but Stella and I had been so busy finalizing everything with the house and moving.

I can’t even imagine how much Lily must be hurting right now. The pain and heartache that my words caused Lily was so tangible that I felt the anguish radiating from her every pore. I broke her heart again. Ugh, what a cruel blindside.

Everything in me wants to run after her, wants to explain. I want to bare my heart, let her know everything. I want to convince her of my love and let her know why I’ve chosen Stella, why I’ve committed myself to Stella.

But I can’t. I watched Lily walk out my door, broken, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

Stella walks toward me. “I’m sorry, babe. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” Her hazel eyes shine down on me, so full of love.

“Stop,” I reply quietly, dismissing her concern. “It’s fine. Come here.” I reach my hand out to her and pull her down to my lap.

She giggles as she falls on me, and I wrap her up in my arms. I hug her tightly, taking in her scent, which is a deadly combination of coconut and sweet fruit.

I sigh. “Well, that’s done at least.”

“True. So, can we tell your family now?” Stella asks hesitantly.

I laugh loudly, shaking my head. This whole situation is so ridiculous that I can’t help but chuckle. “I think that sounds like a great idea.”

I haven’t been home since Christmas break when Lily broke my heart into shreds after refusing to take me back. It was only a little over six months ago, but it seems like a lifetime.

My parents and Landon were at my graduation, but they didn’t run into Stella. At the time, we had been dating for only three months. To be honest, I wasn’t sure where Stella and I were heading, and I was still desperately missing Lily. My family knows of Stella because I’ve mentioned her in the past. They know that she was my study buddy all throughout college. I’m sure they think we are good friends, and while that is true, we are much more.

Shortly after graduation, things intensified quickly with the whirlwind of the engagement and the house. Perhaps I should’ve informed my family as it was happening, but I didn’t. Stella and I needed time to figure out our plan before we had the outside influence of others.

The past six weeks have been intense, to say the least, but Stella is all that matters right now. She has to be.

So much has happened since December that I find it hard to process some days. I definitely haven’t been able to make sense of it all, and that’s why I haven’t talked to anyone about it.

Truthfully, part of me just wanted to live in my Stella bubble for a while before it popped. After Lily’s visit, I’d say it definitely burst.

If Lily hadn’t surprised me with a visit today, I might have gradually broken the news to my family, but that ship has sailed. I have only hours before my mom hears about the engagement, and I’d rather she heard it from me. I don’t have time to decide if suddenly dropping the news on my family is the right manner in which to tell them. It is the only option on the table at this point.

I’ve spent the last six months mourning Lily and the loss of what we were.

I’ve been trying to figure out who I want to be in this life, who I am when I’m not following orders from people who do not have my best interests at heart. I’m finally starting to understand.

I’ve also spent the time since December falling in love with Stella.

I needed to do all of this away from Lily and away from my home. But now, it is time to let my family in.

Lily’s impromptu visit wasn’t how I’d envisioned telling her, but I guess there really isn’t ever a good way to break someone’s heart.

“Let’s go visit my parents today,” I say.

Stella’s eyes go wide. “Today?”

I grin. “Why not? It’s already been a hell of a day as it is. Let’s be crazy.”

She beams. “Why not? You only live once, right?”

I hesitate. “Right.”

My grin fades as I stare into her hazel eyes. They appear browner in this light, mirroring her chestnut hair. I take her mouth against mine and kiss her hard, reminding myself of the reason for all my recent choices.

I pull away before returning for a quick peck. “Okay, no more kissing. We have to go.”

I lift her off of my lap, and she stands in front of me.

I rise to meet her. “Let me just call Mom real quick and let her know I’m coming home for dinner and bringing a date.” I wink at Stella.

“Oh my gosh, this is happening!” she shrieks, bouncing with an innocent giddiness. “Let me go get changed.”

“You don’t need to change. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” She stands on her toes to give me a chaste kiss. “But I’m officially meeting my future in-laws. I’m not wearing this.” She motions to her sexy-as-hell outfit, skinny jeans and a T-shirt that falls off of one shoulder.

“Okay, but don’t fuss too much. You’d look stunning in a paper bag.”

She playfully slaps my chest. “You’re funny.” She shakes her head before skipping out of the room.

I exhale and drag my fingers through my hair. My family is going to flip when they hear that not only have I moved on from Lily, but I’ve also gotten engaged. The fact that I have a new job with my fiancée’s father and have purchased a new house—all without informing them—will just be icing on this very messed up cake.

How in the hell did I get here?

How is it possible to feel so much despair and an equal amount of contentment at the same time?

I’m on a perpetual teeter-totter of emotions—sadness versus joy, heartbreak against hope, loss fighting love—and all of it is struggling to remain on top. Each morning when I awake, I never know what the day—or hour, for that matter—is going to bring to my heart.

I still can’t wrap my mind around how I came to this point in my life, and more importantly, how quickly it all changed. One day, everything was going as planned, and the next, I blinked and ended up here.

Regardless, the one thing I can’t do is regret any of it. Every choice I made has somehow aided in leading me here.

My here is Stella, and I will never take any of the time I spend with her for granted.