Darkly and Eternally Yours

Chapter 17

"What is it?" I asked.

He opens his mouth and closes it again. "There are a few things that I should tell you. Before things change." He said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like how I became who I am for a start." He replied.

Just then, the doctor came out of Dianna's room, all flustered. I walked over to her, "Is she okay? Is she still at risk?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm happy to say Miss Winters, she had a miraculous recovery. She's not fully recovered yet of course. But I can assure you, she's at no risk anymore." She announced triumphantly, clearly proud of herself.

I looked at Adrian, and he gave me a small smile. We went inside Dianna's room. She was sleeping again. I sat down beside Dianna's bed and Adrian sat on the couch.

"So?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "She's out. Tell me."

He sighed. "The first life I had taken was of your father's." He paused, letting me process the information. When I gave no outward reaction, he continued, "I was eleven. I know it's not an excuse, but I really had no idea what happened. My father told me what to say, what to do. Looking back now, your father had an easy death. He didn't suffer much. It was clean."

He continued, "I... I was terrified. I remember seeing a little girl crouched beside him, you. It was you, crying. I wanted to help, I wanted to comfort you, but I wasn't allowed to. Your cries had haunted me for years. It still does. When I came back from that 'trip', everything fell apart. I stopped sleeping. Until one day I realized that I physically could not sleep. All I could think of was how life left his eyes. How I physically felt his soul. How I carried it. How I took away someone you loved so dearly. It haunted me. I stayed up all night, obsessing over it. My father told me, this was a taste of the life ahead of me." He said, and I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. I was numb. I didn't know how to feel anything.

He gulped, "When I turned 16, my official job began. Life after life. I loved a girl once. The only girl I had. Until you anyway. I killed her mother. It broke her. It broke her into pieces. I couldn't stand seeing her after that. I felt like I'd killed a piece of myself whenever I looked at her. She looked for comfort in me. Me out of all the people. The boy who had taken her mother's life. I left her, giving her a stupid excuse. I knew love wasn't for me. I am death. I couldn't even kill myself. I was stuck in this... life." He said his voice so raw.

"My family had left me after I turned 16. I'm not allowed to see them, until they die anyway. My father left me money so I still have a place in this world. I come in this world as a human, once or twice a year. And then I leave. I killed my friends, their parents, their grandparents, innocent people. It was my duty." He said.

"But why?" I asked, softly. He frowned, "I... don't know. I was never told." He replied.

"But you deserve to know." I said, frowning.

"I'm not allowed to ask questions." He said.

He reached for my hand, "When I saw your father's picture, and I saw you, my blood ran cold. You were the girl who haunted me for years. I had hurt you so much. I wanted to leave you alone. I couldn't, I didn't have the strength to look at you. But you came to my house, made me face you. Made me tell you the truth. You loved me even after I told you who I was. I admired you from the beginning. You were different the moment I had seen you watching me in the bar. You have... I don't know, a kind of invisible strength, courage. In me. And I love you for that. I love you. But... you can't be with me." He said, his vulnerability flowing like honey.

"I'm not a lover. I'm not a human. We don't have a future. I'm the Grim Reaper. I simply cannot risk you."

The tears flowed more now. The hot tears burned my skin. "Are... are you saying goodbye?" I asked, my voice so feathery soft, even I barely heard it.

He looked at me, with such affliction, it made me cry more. He crouched in front of me, on his knees. He picked up my hands on my lap.

"I'm sorry love. But I have to. I never, never meant to hurt you." He said, gently.

He was trying to let go, so gently. I was openly crying now, his forehead touched mine. I cried and cried. It hurt so much. I knew there was nothing to do. He was death. I grabbed his shirt, clutching them tightly, burying my face in his neck. He let me cry. He rubbed my back, rocked me. "I love you." He whispered.

I sobbed harder. I couldn't, I couldn't let him go. "Please..." I begged. "Please..." I held him so tight. "Kiara." His voice broke. He pulled me off the chair, and held me even impossibly tighter. His face tucked in my neck.

To my surprise, I felt him shaking, I heard sounds, sobs from him. Tearless sobs. I felt such a strong sense of heartbreak, agony it was unbelievable. It was like a strong force threatening to shatter my bones. I felt his pain physically. He was crying. The angel was crying, tearless sobs. For me. He cried, with such aggression, my heart was beyond crushed. We both cried, after a while, we just held each other, in silence.

But, too soon. Way too soon, he pulled back, His eyes were red. "I love you. But I have to go." He said, quietly.

I rested my forehead against his. "I know." I replied. He crashed his lips with mine out of the blue, taking me by surprise. I reciprocated. I explored every inch of him. Every part. And he did mine. I felt his smooth tongue, entering my mouth, exploring every corner. We didn't pull back to breath. We kept moving our lips in sync with each other's. He traced my face, and I tugged his hair and all too soon, he pulled away.

"I love you." He said, pulling away. We both stood up. "You... Have a good life." He said, awkwardly.

He started heading to the door. But I couldn't let him go yet. I grabbed his hand. "Adrian, is there really no way at all?" I asked.

"No. We'll meet at death." He replied, his voice clipped.

I choked on my tears, "We really can't?" I asked again, hoping he'll give a different answer, even though I knew there wasn't one.

He didn't say anything. He placed a tender kiss on my forehead, and disappeared in the black smoke. Like air. He left.

He's gone.

He's gone.

He's gone.

I felt the full force of sobs coming at me like a high speed rail. I broke down on the floor, crying so hard. My hands clutched in my fists so hard, they were bleeding. He's gone.

I cried like I never did before. At some point, Dianna had woken up. I could faintly hear her calling my name. I could sense movement, but I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I howled in anguish, in grief. I felt nothing around me. My body buzzed in tremors, the sobs crashing into me like waves. He's gone.

"Kiara! Kiara!" Dianna called, wrapping her arms around my shaking frame.

"K, I'm here, tell me what's wrong?" She asked, brushing her fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm me down. I struggled to breath, the sobs choking my throat. She patted my back, telling me it's okay. She tucked me under her chin, rocking me side to side. After a good few minutes of sitting in silence, and an occasional sob escaping my lips, I talked.

"He's gone." I said quietly, my voice groggy and rough. She said nothing, I wasn't expecting her to. I was talking more to myself than her. I needed to say it out loud. thinking that maybe that would make acceptance easier.

I continued, "I feel empty. Barren. Dark. It's always dark. Whenever he's gone it becomes dark." I paused, feeling overwhelmed again.

My brows knitted together, moisture seeping into my eyes again. My voice breaking because of the sobs I was holding in, "I don't want anyone else. I never did. No one, no one ever made me feel like he does. When I'm with him, I feel... love. I can feel it. But I can't have him. I can never have him."

Suddenly, something changed. I felt my emotions inverting. All of a sudden, I was laughing bitterly. I laughed hysterically, Dianna was staring at me anxiously. Her face made me laugh harder. My body convulsed with laughter. I felt crazy. Actually, I didn't even know how I was feeling or even what to feel.

Instantaneously, my laughter dissolved into sobs again. I was stranded in the middle of this whirlwind of overwhelming emotions. At this point, Dianna was just staring at me, her mouth hanging open like I was a fascinating wild animal, like she was witnessing an astonishing miracle.

I pushed my knees to my chest, and pushed my face in them, so I could muffle my screams. I screamed, like a woman on fire. I needed to get it out of myself. Maybe I am a wild animal. I screamed at the unfairness, at the pain, at the grief, for my father, for Adrian, for his life, for my life, everything. After a few minutes, Dianna grabbed my arm, "Hey Kiara, come on let's go to bed." She pulled me up.

And I laid there in strange tranquility. After all the screaming and crying and cyclone of emotions conquering me, I was beyond exhausted. A restless blanket of sleep came over me and I prayed not to wake up again. I didn't want to. Not unless he was there.