Without Me

Jon

Jonathan knew he probably scared Shou with his barging into the room, locking it and just heading straight to bed. But he needed to think. It was a weird habit of his. Just shutting himself away when he needed time to think and just process everything over again. He was just thankful the other didn't ask him what was wrong.

It had only been two days yet this happened. Why? He didn't know. He couldn't ask either. He just ran. Why? He really didn't have any answers. He was afraid, maybe.

In the end, he fell asleep with no questions answered.

When he woke up, he just felt groggy and too tired to do anything but he pushed himself up to turn off the freaking alarm that went off again. He had no idea why Shou even bothered with the alarm if he wasn't even going to turn it off. He got off his bunk and shut it off when he found it at the exact same spot. He turned around, flinching when he saw Shou staring back at him.

"You alright, man?" The boy asked in a wary tone. Jonathan just nodded and headed into the bathroom, knowing that was a clear lie.

Shou didn't ask anymore and Jonathan headed out to start his day. He did hope he didn't make Mark think he didn't want that to happen or that he was rejected. But the other probably did.

How was he going to react when he sees Mark? And vice versa? He breathed in, recalling his schedule. He didn't have any classes with Mark today thankfully. Or not. He wasn't sure if he was grateful for not honestly. He just wanted the problem to go away.

It wasn't even that huge of a problem perhaps. Perhaps.

Chuck didn't notice his subtle attitude changes and just went on being the cheerful guy he was which Jonathan was thankful for. He was glad he didn't need to put up a face. He sighed sometimes but kept it soft and hidden.

Classes felt slow despite it going at its usual pace. He definitely wasn't too keen on lunch hours because Mark might be in the cafeteria.

Soft lips.

He shook his head, trying to push the thought of even touching his own lips away. He couldn't let himself lose control now. Focus, Jonathan. Stay out of trouble.

His only friend.

No. Chuck's only friend too.

But who is more important?

You know it. Don't you, Jonathan?

He gritted his teeth and excused himself to the toilet to wash up. He can't let his thoughts take over. None of this was helping.

Don't get involved.

Lunch hour rolled by but it rolled away just as quickly somehow. Maybe it was because of Mark's absence but he felt every minute dread by as his eyes stayed stuck on the entrance.

"Jonathan?" A small voice said and he turned back to Chuck who was finally realising how weird he was acting. "Are you okay? You seem very... cautious today."

Jonathan gulped slightly but nodded anyways. He couldn't tell Chuck. Chuck would hate him for it. Maybe. But no chances needed to be taken here.

"Okay. But if you need help, I'm here." Jonathan tried his best to put on a natural smile but guessed he looked more like a fool. "Cool. Come on. Class is starting soon."

Jonathan only found himself nodding again as he got up as well.

So far, luck was on his side. Perhaps. But he hadn't met Mark at all or even see him as he switched classes. He had a class with Viktor but his thoughts weren't on them kissing. He felt as though he shouldn't bring that up anyways. It wasn't his place to talk about it, he was just at the right place but at the wrong time. There wasn't anything he could do about it.

Stay out of Viktor's territory. Stay away from Mark. Stay away from unknown guy.

He could feel his mind grumbling and his heart aching. He couldn't tell what it was but it was uncomfortable. He was not at ease. He guessed it was going to be this way until he actually settled things between him and Mark. Now that it had unexpectedly escalated.

Mark didn't show up for dinner either though and Jonathan didn't stay long. He brought his dinner back to his dorm to eat.

Shou was there this time, just working on his own things. Although they didn't seem much like school work to Jonathan but he didn't feel like asking either as he poked his vegetables that were getting cold.

"Hey. If you don't want to eat, you can give it to me," Shou spoke up after a while, raising a brow at Jonathan who just pushed the container over. "Thanks."

Shou started eating and kept an eye on Jonathan who started daydreaming instead. The kiss. The look in his eyes. He shook his head, ultimately hitting himself by accident. He groaned and rubbed the spot of impact.

"You are definitely not fine," Shou mumbled through a mouthful. Jonathan sighed and placed his head on the table.

"What is fine? I'm in this darn school. That itself isn't fine already," he grumbled, silently cursing himself for sounding like this.

"You're not wrong about that. You don't look like you belong here. Well, although plenty of the students here feel the same."

"Yeah."

"I'm not joking, Jon. Before I got ignored, I've talked to people. A lot of them didn't do anything worthwhile to be sent here."

"Jon?" Somehow, Jonathan was more focused on the nickname than anything else Shou had just said.

"Yeah. Cause you're Jonathan."

"Please don't call me that. I'm fine with anything but Jon."

What would Tammy think?

"Okay. Fine. Jonathan. What about Nathan?"

"What about it?"

"A nickname."

"I don't think one is really necessary."

"I know. Just trying to lift your mood up."

"Oh." Jonathan sat up to look at Shou who was disposing of the container. He was surprised, he guessed. That Shou was actually bothering to do something like that.

"What."

"Nothing. Just shocked. I suppose."

Shou raised a brow and shrugged. "You're still my roommate. It's not fun to be stuck in a room with a grumpy male. Go get changed and sleep, man. Probably would do you more good than moping around."

"Yeah... You're right. Thanks, Shou."