Without Me

Curfew

If regret could drain his face, him swimming would have already consider it done.

"We can change that," Mark replied, a small smile appeared at the corners of his lips. Jonathan felt himself breathing in sharply and clutching onto his swimming trunks tightly.

"We can. But..." Just say it, Jonathan. Get it over with.

But he just couldn't. He didn't want to do this to Mark who had done nothing wrong or bad to him. Apart from actually taking a kiss but that didn't feel bad at all.

"But? Weren't you the one who said you wanted to be friends?"

That question made Jonathan surprised but he recalled saying it, of course. How could he forget? He had thought Mark didn't want to be friends then with the way he had spoke back. Things were somehow different now.

"I did. But you know I don't like trouble and you were the one who told me to stay away from you too," he mumbled back a reply, feeling as though this was going to go back into a loop.

"But I also know you love it," Mark whispered as he moved even closer until his lips were beside Jonathan's ear. His breath tingled his ear slightly, making him hold his breath. His words were intoxicating but Jonathan had to hold onto his sanity.

"That doesn't mean I can just... plunge myself into trouble. I promised myself not to get into any trouble," Jonathan said as firmly as he could despite hearing the shakiness of his own voice. Mark moved away and sighed.

"So, it's a no go? Guess I was expecting too much."

Expecting too much?

Jonathan wasn't sure what Mark meant by that but the other had already started to stand up. Mark gave him a half smile and patted his head.

"Don't worry. I won't disturb you anymore. Still, sorry about the kiss. I don't know what came over me then." Mark started walking away and Jonathan felt this crushing feeling within his chest as the other's footsteps got gradually softer.

No. Don't go.

He breathed in, shaking his head. He can't do this. Not to himself. Not to Chuck. But Mark? He got up quickly and caught up with him, grabbing his wrist. It definitely surprised Mark with the look on his face.

"I. I..." His words just couldn't find their way out properly as he tried to speak. Mark gently moved his hand away from his wrist.

"It's okay. I understand, really... You don't have to force yourse-"

"Look. I don't mind being friends and I do want to be friends with you but could you promise me something else first?" He interrupted Mark as the words just flew out of his lips. He took another deep breath, waiting for a reply. Mark blinked and stared at Jonathan for awhile before letting out a soft chuckle.

"I thought you were going to confess there for a moment. What is it?" He asked and calmed his laughter down. Jonathan breathed in and said his requests. It was now or never. He watched Mark's expressions, trying to decipher the other's feelings but it was quite impossible since he hadn't actually fully understood the other yet. It took Mark awhile to reply but it was definitely a positive sounding one. One that brought a small smile back to Jonathan's lips.

"Alright. No kissing or anything beyond. Not hanging out in public eye. I can do those." 

Hopefully, nothing else goes wrong. Jonathan was just really glad that that worked out between them. They parted ways and Jonathan headed back to his dorm, feeling a little too tired to be joining Chuck and Ares now but he was glad and as if it wasn't clear enough, Shou was definitely giving him the weird look as he entered his dorm room.

"Grumpy male to sniggering male? Somebody is in pure bliss," Shou said teasingly as Jonathan climbed onto his bunk to lay down.

"Ah... Wouldn't you like to know...," he mumbled tiredly. He should take a shower but he was too tired to care by now.

"Maybe not. Have you gotten dinner yet?" Shou switched the topic instead, not really feeling up to listening to whatever sappy or cheesy story Jonathan had to tell.

"Nope... too tired, man. I'll just skip dinner tonight," he mumbled again and Shou nodded.

"At least, take a shower, dude. Don't make our room smell like the pool," Shou said in a serious tone before he headed to the door. "Also, I'll be late tonight but don't you worry. I'll be back."

Jonathan propped himself up with his elbows, watching as Shou left the room and hearing the click that indicated the lock had been turned. Late? What about curfew? Not that they had one. Jonathan was a bit confused but then again, he guessed he didn't know Shou all too well to know what he was doing. Whatever it was, he hoped it wasn't dangerous.

He got down his bunk once he found enough energy to do so. He took a quick shower and decided to lay in bed again right after. He pulled out his phone and decided to check on his social media, doubting anyone would miss him. He was never really close to anyone even back then. Maybe Tammy and that one other person but other than that, he didn't make many friends. In a way, it just made this place seemed better than his old school. At least, he had Chuck and Mark. Maybe Shou too. That was a record. His chest felt a slight tug as he thought about it.

He always thought he would feel left out no matter where he went and yet he felt just slightly more welcomed here. Even Viktor wasn't too bad as long as he wasn't swinging his fist around. He still remembered the time he almost tripped after all. That incident was still surprising to him. For someone like Viktor to have helped him, what luck he must have had then.

He wasn't sure when but he had fallen asleep. His phone was on his chest as he breathed lightly. Dreams pulled him into their hands as time ticked away. Until he needed to get up again.