WINGS OF HEART

Diary Entry 4

15th June 2019

I have club today, so this is going to make my day both good and bad. It was good because I had club and bad because I must see Alex. I liked the thought of being with him in the same place even though we didn’t talk or smile at each other, but it also scares me.

I didn’t know how to react to him. I was not sure whether he knew that I was listening to his conversation when he talked about me. I was sure he would have known but a tiny part of my heart didn’t want him to know that I was listening to his conversation.

I was confused so I decided to play smart whether he knew it or not. I was determined to act as if nothing had happened, as if I didn’t know who the hell he was. Whenever someone asked me about him, I simply said that he was a nut and I had nothing to do with him. It was hard for me to keep my face neutral when someone asked me about him. How could I keep my face neutral when my entire body came to life when I heard his voice? Or even when I heard his name?

My head turned without my volition whenever I heard his name “ALEX”. Just a four-letter name that transformed me completely, it gave life to my soul. It has become the most beautiful and wonderful word in my vocabulary. The sound of his name was sweeter than music to me.

My heart and mind were getting addicted to him. I started to recognize him and his voice no matter how crowded and noisy the place was.

My mind was fighting with me about   what I was doing and telling me I was wrong and that I should not do it, but I heart yearned for him. My eyes wanted to look at him all the time. The way he kept his hands on his cheeks, the way his mole looked at the end of his palm, the way he used to curl his lips when he was thinking about something. Everything, everything was making me crazy about him.

After the first day of the club I never talked with him and even when he addressed me, I used to answer only to his question and avoided further talk. My feelings towards him were getting stronger day by day. It was hard for me to control but I wanted to control it. I didn’t want him to know that I liked him. I swore to myself that no one would know my feelings for him except me.

When I entered the music club the most beautiful and mesmerizing song was being played and that song never failed to bring tears in my eyes no matter how many times I hear it. Well I went into the song. Then I heard his musical voice calling my name. If anyone else was calling me I would not have known. I liked my name more when it came from his lips. The sound of my name from his lips sent a thrill through my body. I turned.

“Thesika, I want to talk to you,” he said. He was talking to me, the most adorable creature in this entire place. Then my consciousness hit me hard "don’t get carried away", it said to me.

“No, I have works to finish, sorry Alex,” I replied, “and I don’t wish to talk with you rite now” I muttered to myself trying to keep my tone natural. I was harsh. My voice sounded harsh even to my own ears. I was sure that he got irritated. The change in his facial expression said that clearly to me.

“Hello, hold on don’t act as if you are the only girl in this world, I just called you to say that you are having the solo performance next week and your friend is waiting for you, I just came to convey the news to you,” he said raising his voice and muttering to himself, “show off no wonder she has no friends”.

My pulse was racing more than normal. I stamped my foot and left the place to meet my friend.

I used to sit with my friend Anushiya. Normally, she does all the talking and my job was to listen to her. She had blue eyes which most of the girls longed for. Short hair, chubby cheeks and she had pink lips. Simply put, she looks like a Barbie Doll. No guy would pass by, without turning his head to look at her.

She was leaning on the pillar which supported the creepers and the whole scene was like a painting to me. She smiled at me seeing my familiar face.

“What is it Anu?” I asked.

“Could you please take me with you this evening, my bike didn’t start, and I had given it for service. I thought of telling you in the morning, but I forgot. I am sorry to trouble you again and again. If you don’t mind please,” she said.

She always had an innocent expression on her face - too innocent when she wanted help from someone. It made me smile and I replied with a laugh.

“It’s hard to say no when you have such an innocent look, you cheat!”

“Ha-ha, I will wait near the parking lot thanks.” She said and left the place.

When I entered the hall he was standing, leaning on the wall with his hands folded across his chest and he smiled at me and it took my breath away.

“It’s hard to say no when you keep your face like that, you innocent cheat,” he said.

I smiled at his funny words. Then I realized he was imitating me. He said it in the same tone that I used with her. It made me go hot under the collar. I grabbed my bag and left the place without turning back.

Why the hell me! Didn’t he have any other girls to mess with? I am sure he had lot of girls to mess with. Girls swarmed around him like he was a different of species. He was a stupid, arrogant loser. I never wanted to see him again in my entire life. I left   the place quickly. I was angry and I was breathing heavily. I could feel my entire body shivering in anger. I just didn’t know what to do. I stood still.

After a moment my breath started to slow down. My lips stretched a little in the beginning of a smile. I liked the way he teased me. It was adorable. Everything about him attracted me towards him. He has done nothing to me not even talked nicely to me. The entire time   he talked badly about me and held a grudge against me. I don’t know what mistake I had made with regard to him... The way he talked about me should have angered me but why was I smiling? I was not a saint to be uncomplaining and accept people as they are but why was I worse than a sinner when it came to this matter. Why couldn’t I feel anything other the joy when I think of him?

Why were my cheeks always pink whenever he came near me or even when I thought of him or whenever I heard his name? Oh god! He was driving me crazy. Could a single person make me feel the gamut of emotions that a human being could feel?   That too, all at once? I reached my home feeling confused and most of the time blushing and smiling.