ANAMNEX. Book 2: Forbidden Memory/Together

Chapter 10: Learning to Live Again.

Day one without Selene was hell.

I woke up thinking about her. Went to work thinking about her. Came home thinking about her. Everything reminded me of the Anamnex. Of impossible spaces. Of her smile.

I drove past Kestrel House three times that day. Didn't stop. Didn't go in. But I wanted to.

Day two wasn't better.

Marcus met me for coffee like we'd planned. Took one look at me and frowned.

"You look worse than last week. What happened?"

"Selene and I are taking a break. Two weeks."

"Oh. I'm sorry." He actually looked sympathetic. "That's rough."

"Yeah."

"Was it mutual? Or did she break up with you?"

"She asked for space. Said I needed to focus on my life. Figure out who I am without her."

Marcus was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "She sounds smart."

"What?"

"I'm serious. Most people in new relationships get clingy. Want more time. More attention. She's doing the opposite. Pushing you to take care of yourself. That's mature."

I hadn't thought about it that way. "I guess."

"How are you holding up?"

"Honestly? Terrible. It's only been two days and I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"That's normal. When you care about someone and they're not around, it hurts. But it also means what you have is real."

"It feels too real. Like I can't function without her."

Marcus leaned back in his chair. "Can I tell you something? As your friend?"

"Sure."

"I was wrong about her. About thinking she was bad for you. I mean, I still haven't met her. Still think that's weird. But if she's asking you to take care of yourself, she's looking out for you. That's not what someone who's using you would do."

"She's not using me. She never was."

"I know that now. And I'm sorry I suggested it." He took a sip of coffee. "But Lyric, you have to actually use this time. Don't just suffer through it counting down until you can see her again. Actually focus on your life. On work. On yourself."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder. What did you used to do before you met her? What made you happy?"

I thought about it. Realized I didn't have a good answer. "Work, I guess. Building the company."

"That's it? Just work?"

"Pretty much."

"That's depressing, man. You need hobbies. Interests. Things that make you happy besides a woman and a job."

"I don't have time for hobbies."

"You have time. You just don't use it. When was the last time you did something just for fun? No work. No relationship. Just you enjoying something."

I couldn't remember. "It's been a while."

"Then that's your homework. For the next two weeks, find something you enjoy. Do it. See if it makes you feel even a little bit alive." He stood up. "I gotta run. Meeting in twenty. But text me. Let me know how you're doing. For real this time."

"Okay. Thanks, Marcus."

"That's what friends are for."

After he left I sat there thinking. What did I enjoy? What made me happy?

I honestly didn't know anymore.

Day three I actually tried.

Went to the gym in my building. Hadn't been there in months. Did a workout. Felt terrible during it but slightly better after.

Day four I slept through my alarm. Showed up to work late. Rachel gave me a look but didn't say anything.

Day five Marcus texted. "How's the homework going? Find any hobbies yet?"

"Still looking."

"Try harder. Go do something. Anything. Get out of your head."

So I did. Left work early and went to a bookstore. Spent an hour wandering the aisles. Picked up a novel I'd been meaning to read for years. Bought it. Actually read the first chapter that night.

It was okay. Not great. But okay.

Day six I went back to the gym. Ran on the treadmill. Let my mind go blank for thirty minutes. It helped. A little.

Day seven. One week down. One to go.

I met Marcus for lunch. He looked pleased to see me.

"You look better. More rested."

"I've been sleeping more. Actually taking care of myself."

"Good. That's good. How's the break going?"

"It sucks. But I'm managing. Been going to the gym. Reading. Trying to find things that don't revolve around her."

"And? Is it working?"

"Sort of. I still think about her constantly. But I'm not falling apart. Not destroying my life."

"Progress." Marcus smiled. "I'm proud of you."

"For what? Not being a complete mess?"

"For trying. For actually doing the work instead of just waiting for time to pass." He paused. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What is it about her? About Selene? What makes her so special that you'd risk everything for her?"

I thought about how to answer. How to explain without revealing the impossible parts.

"She sees me. Really sees me. Not the CEO. Not the successful businessman. Just me. The person I am underneath all that. And she doesn't judge it. Doesn't try to fix it. She just accepts it."

"That's rare."

"Yeah. It is."

"When you see her again, in a week, what are you going to do?"

"Tell her I tried. Tell her I focused on my life. And ask her if there's a way to make both worlds work."

"Both worlds?"

I realized my mistake. "Her world and mine. She has her life. I have mine. We need to figure out how to merge them."

Marcus nodded slowly. "Just promise me something."

"What?"

"Don't lose yourself completely. Don't make her your entire world. Keep the parts of yourself that exist separately. The parts that are just you."

"I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking."

Day eight I had dinner with Rachel. She'd invited me after work and I said yes without thinking.

We went to a small Italian place near the office. Nothing fancy. Just good food and conversation.

"How are you doing?" she asked. "Really?"

"Better than I was a week ago. Still miss her. But functioning."

"That's good. You seemed really lost there for a while."

"I was. Am. Kind of." I took a bite of pasta. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you think I'm obsessed? With Selene?"

Rachel was quiet for a moment. "I think you fell hard and fast. That's not the same as obsession. Obsession is unhealthy. What you have seems intense but not destructive. As long as you're still taking care of yourself."

"I'm trying to."

"I know. I can tell. You've been more present this week. More focused. That's good."

"She asked me to figure out who I am without her. I'm realizing I don't really know."

"Most people don't. We define ourselves by our jobs or relationships or roles we play. But underneath all that, figuring out who we actually are? That's hard work."

"Yeah. It is."

We talked for another hour. About work. About life. About nothing in particular. It was nice. Normal. Easy.

When we said goodbye Rachel hugged me. "You're going to be okay, you know. Whether things work out with Selene or not. You're stronger than you think."

"Thanks, Rachel."

Day nine I went back to Kestrel House for the first time in over a week.

Not to see Selene. Just to work. I had files in my office I needed. Reports to review.

Walking through the building felt strange. The lobby looked the same. The elevator worked normally. Everything was regular and ordinary.

No impossible hallways. No shifting spaces. No Anamnex.

I wondered if Selene could feel me there. If she knew I was in the building but staying away like I'd promised.

Part of me wanted to break my promise. Wanted to find the eighth floor hallway and call for her. See if she'd appear.

But I didn't. I got my files and left.

Day ten Marcus called. "Doing anything tonight?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Want to grab dinner? There's a new place I've been wanting to try."

"Sure. Yeah. That sounds good."

We met at seven. The restaurant was nice. Modern. Good food. We talked about work mostly. His company was doing well. Mine was finally stable again after weeks of me being distracted.

"The investor deal is moving forward," I said. "Should finalize next week."

"That's great. Congratulations."

"Thanks. I almost screwed it up. But I managed to pull it together."

"Because of Selene? Her asking you to focus?"

"Yeah. She was right. I needed the push. Needed someone to tell me I was losing myself."

Marcus was quiet for a moment. "I like her. Even though I haven't met her. Anyone who cares about you enough to push you away for your own good is worth keeping around."

"I think so too."

"When you see her again, when the two weeks are up, bring her to coffee with us. I want to meet this mystery woman who managed to make Lyric Moreno fall in love."

My chest got tight. "I'll ask her. Can't promise anything. But I'll ask."

Day eleven I woke up and realized something. I'd gone a whole day without constantly thinking about Selene. Without feeling like I was drowning without her.

It didn't mean I'd stopped loving her. Didn't mean I missed her less. But it meant I could function. Could live. Could exist as my own person.

Marcus was right. Rachel was right. Selene was right.

I needed to figure out who I was separately before I could be good for us together.

Day twelve I found a hobby. Photography.

I was walking past a camera shop and something made me stop. Go inside. Look around.

The owner was an older man. Probably seventies. He smiled when I walked in.

"Looking for anything specific?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Do you have cameras for beginners?"

"Sure do. What got you interested in photography?"

I thought about Selene. About how she'd been a photographer before the building took her. How she'd loved capturing moments.

"Someone I care about. She was a photographer. I thought maybe if I learned, I could understand her better."

"That's sweet. Come on. Let me show you what we have."

I left with a decent camera and a beginner's guide book. Spent the evening reading the manual. Learning the basics.

It felt good. Like connecting with Selene in a new way. Like understanding a part of her I'd never known.

Day thirteen I took the camera to work. Spent my lunch break walking around downtown taking pictures. Most of them were terrible. But a few weren't bad.

I texted one to Marcus. A shot of the city skyline.

He texted back. "Since when do you take pictures?"

"Since yesterday. New hobby."

"Look at you. Growing as a person."

"Shut up."

"Seriously though. Good for you. Keep it up."

Day fourteen. The last day.

I woke up early. Went to the gym. Came home and looked through all the photos I'd taken. Picked the best ones. Loaded them onto my laptop.

They weren't great. I wasn't Selene. Didn't have her eye or her skill. But I'd tried. I'd learned something new. Something that connected me to her while also being mine.

At six pm my phone buzzed. Unknown number. But I knew who it was before I even looked.

A text. Just two words.

"Tomorrow. Courtyard."

Selene.

My hands shook as I typed back.

"I'll be there."

One more day. Tomorrow I'd see her again. Tell her about the past two weeks. Show her I'd actually tried. Actually grown.

And then we'd figure out what came next.

Together.

I spent that night looking at the journal again. Reading about the three people who'd come before Selene. Margaret. James. Elizabeth. All of them consumed by the building. All of them lost.

But there was a note in the margin I hadn't noticed before. Written in different handwriting. Thomas's maybe.

"My grandfather was wrong about one thing. He thought the building took people against their will. Consumed them. But I don't think that's true. I think they chose to stay. Chose to become part of something bigger than themselves. And maybe that's not tragic. Maybe that's beautiful."

I closed the journal and thought about that.

Choosing to stay. Choosing to be part of the Anamnex. Was that what I wanted? Was that the answer?

I didn't know yet. But tomorrow I'd see Selene. And maybe together we'd figure it out.

I slept well that night. First time in two weeks I didn't have nightmares about losing her. Didn't wake up in a panic.

When morning came I felt ready. Nervous but ready.

I had work to get through first. A full day. But then at six I'd go to Kestrel House. I'd find the courtyard. I'd see her again.

And whatever happened next, we'd face it together.

Because that's what love was. Not losing yourself in another person. But finding yourself while standing next to them.

Marcus had been right. Rachel had been right. Selene had been right.

I needed to be whole on my own before I could be good for us.

And now, finally, I thought maybe I was getting there.

One more day. Then everything would change.

I couldn't wait.