About That Night

XC. who is this

Storm

How can a moment change so quickly?

That question refused to change my mind as I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for Lulu to wake up. She passed out earlier in the middle of the road. I didn’t even want to think about it but I almost killed ourselves earlier. Just the thought of it made me rub my hands over my face in guilt and frustration.

My head turned to my side and it hurt to see Lulu lying in my bed, passed out of shock. I just caused and gave her trauma. I was so reckless. I got lost in the moment and completely forgot I was driving. There was a huge truck coming from our right on the other street and we were supposed to stop at the red light. Lulu shouted my name in fear and I stepped on the brakes so hard that the wheels screeched. The truck beeped us loudly. We were just saved. I would forever blame myself if something worst had happened to us.

When I realized Lulu passed out, I drove us fast, but not over the limit, to my place. No one was home. Starr and Mom went to take a stroll at the park with Phoenix. That was what the note said on the coffee table in the living room. Well, Dad. He was working most of the time. I was just lucky they weren’t here. I knew Lulu would wake up soon. Hopefully sooner.

There was a heavy and tightening feeling in my chest. Deep inside, I would be carrying this guilt and regret for a few days, especially when I was looking at Lulu. Damn, I wouldn’t take it if she got hurt. What if I kept driving with that truck coming from our right? Lulu would be the one who’d seriously get hurt or worse…

“F*ck.”

I couldn’t help cursing when my mind started misbehaving, thinking about the worst that could happen to Lulu. The thought of losing her scared me the most. That was something I fear to happen and I didn’t think I could live without her.

My hand shakily reached out to hold her hand. I scooted closer to her side, lifted her hand, and kissed the back of it. My lips lingered for quite some time. Before I could even stop myself, the tears fell and landed on her knuckles.

“I can’t lose you,” I whispered, not even caring if I was crying.

Crying is not a weakness for a man. A man can cry. I am a man who can’t live without this woman that’s why I cried at the thought of losing her. I don’t think life is still worth living without her.

Sniffling, I wiped the back of her hand with my palm, drying my tears. I thought I felt her hand flinch but it was just my imagination. I sighed and stood up from the bed. I was not sure what time my family would go home. They would probably have dinner at some fancy restaurant downtown. And so I thought I should make Lulu and me some dinner. I had texted her mother already that she would Lulu was at my place and would be home before ten.

I walked out of my room, downstairs, and to the kitchen. In the kitchen, I just stood beside the island, with no idea yet on what meal to cook. I walked over to the fridge, opened it, and found some vegetables. Well, they never left the fridge, along with fruits. I needed to prepare something healthy. I took steak fillets, sweet potatoes, green pepper, tomatoes, and spinach.

Without wasting any more time, I chopped the vegetables and some onion and garlic. I baked the potatoes with thyme in the oven. While the potatoes are cooking, I started to make the sauce. I cooked the onions and pepper, added enough water, and stirred in the cherry tomatoes, tomato purée, and bouillon. While I let it simmer, I pan-fried the steaks, just exactly how Lulu loved it. Not so long after, the steaks with goulash sauce and sweet potato fries. I also made Iron Soup after, with spinach and lentils as the main ingredients.

It was almost eight in the evening by the time I was done cooking. I served the meals for the both of us on the tray along with orange juice and brought them upstairs to my room. I carefully walked in and couldn’t help but sigh in relief when I saw Lulu already sitting up against the headboard. But she was facing the window, staring at the nightlife outside.

Laying the tray on the bedside table, I sat behind her and laid my forehead on her shoulder. The silence in the night and the coldness of her skin made me wrap my arms around her. As we shared our body warmth, I felt her lean against me, laying her head on my left shoulder.

“You passed out,” I told her softly. I made sure I was gentle.

She nodded her head slowly in understanding. “For how long?”

“For about two hours.” I exhaled deeply before adding asking. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m good.”

There was reassurance in her voice. She was worried from that moment I hugged her from behind. Damn, I was more than worried when I thought something worse had happened to her. If she only knew how scared how I was. I might have not said but I hoped she could feel my fear of losing her.

Pulling her to me, I closed my eyes and just savored the moment. I had to make the best out of every moment we could share. There was no guessing when we would leave this world so I wanted to make every second count when I was with this girl.

“How’s the other driver?” She asked.

“No one’s hurt,” I whispered. “You’re fine.”

My voice almost broke at the latter sentence but I tried to control my emotions. However, Lulu was too observant not to notice it. She shifted and turned in my arms to face me. My head was down when I felt her just staring at me. For some reason, I didn’t want her to see me this vulnerable. But she was Lulu and she knew me better than anyone else.

“Storm, I’m fine.” She whispered, voice almost cracking as she held my chin up and gently forced me to look into her eyes.

When I did, I only saw real and raw emotions. There was something she wanted to tell me but couldn’t bring herself to open up to me. Like I had said, I suspected it but I had no idea what it was about. I hoped one day, she would tell me everything and free herself from all that was keeping her. I didn’t want to force her to tell me the right way. I wanted her to take her time. But I also hoped it was not something I should be angry with myself or her about.

“I’m totally fine. The sound… It was just so loud and I didn’t take it. I was scared.” She cried… literally. The tears just flowed down silently and all I could was just watch them roll down her cheeks until they dropped off her jaw completely.

Her voice… her tears… the way she held me gently… They broke my heart. It hurt so much seeing her this way and realizing how scared she was. I just gave her trauma.

My lips pursed. I thought I’ve had done my best in controlling my emotions but I failed. The tears that I had been trying to hold back came out and I let her watch me cry silently. I didn’t blink them away. It was blurry until they rolled down my cheeks and landed on my lips. I tasted the saltiness before they landed on the fingers that were holding my chin.

“I’m sorry.” I breathed out. “I’m so sorry.” It was so tight in my chest. I felt like my heart was being squeezed tightly when I saw her face.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing happened. I’m alright. We’re fine.” She cupped my face and rubbed her thumb against my cheek. She was low-key drying my tears.

“I almost got ourselves killed.”

“It didn’t happen so don’t; be sorry.” She smiled, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. “Come here.”

I sighed and scooted closer so I could be in her arms. I should be the one comforting her but she was the one doing that to me now. She laid my head on her shoulder and ran her fingers through my hair.

God, I don’t deserve this angel.

I was not sure we stayed in the position. When we pulled away, I got down from the bed and got our dinner. I moved them to the table at the lounge area in my room and walked back to lift her in my arms. She squealed in surprise and playfully glared at me as I carefully dropped her down on the couch. I was glad the air was not as heavy as it was minutes ago.

“You cooked a lot. What are these?” She asked once I sat down beside her.

“This is the steaks with goulash sauce and sweet potato fries and iron soup,” I told her.

She didn’t say anything right away after that. She just stared down at the food for quite some time before she finally voiced out, “I see these are all rich in iron.”

I knew she would notice that. “Uh… yeah. I wanted you to eat something healthy and I wanted to try some new recipes too.” I didn’t want to say that I had noticed she was paler than before. I was just silently taking care of her health.

“I see.” She smiled. “This looks yummy. Let’s eat.”

We dug in and somehow, everything went back to the mood that we both wanted. Just light and free. We watched a movie, laughed, and cuddled until her phone went off from the nightstand. I picked it up and looked at the caller I.D. My eyes squinted at what I have read.

“Who is this?”