CHAPTER 005
1273 Words
Chapter 005
Michelle’s POV (Spirit)
I should be dead. I know that now. Every chilly blast of wind that passes through me makes my memory clear. All I can remember is the explosion, the heat, the awful silence following. The planet itself appears to have devoured me, leaving me as merely a shadow hovering over the places I once called home.
Right now I'm drifting. I don't feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, but rather, I feel like I'm everywhere. I find myself trapped in this liminal space between the past and the future. I neither scream nor cry. I'm not even capable of making them hear me.
But I am able to observe. I can watch all of them.
Today the city below me seems different. It is no longer the vibrant location I used to call home—so rich in possibilities, so full of promise. I can sense the emptiness in the air as I glide above this lifeless shell. Sadly, my once-bright future has now vanished. I'm caught in the solitude of the hereafter while the planet I lived on is vanishing into a chilly, distant memory.
I found myself keeping track of Jonas nonstop. He's continuing on. Try to forget about me. He is making an effort to live as if I never existed. But I refuse to allow him. I have not allowed him yet. I will not allow him.
He is with Viktoria right now. Though I want to stop seeing, I cannot turn away. The sight of them together pierces me deeply. I can feel every second they kiss. Their mutual warmth and gentle touch should have been mine. Though I can't, I want to yell and insist he remembers me. I can only watch as they separate from each other, oblivious to how their actions deepen the pain in my heart.
I am not hateful of Viktoria. I sympathize with her. She is not familiar with the depth of what he and I shared. She is unaware that she never had him the way I did. She never knew the side of him I did. Still, that is not her fault. It's Jonas's. And I wish he would experience it. He should feel the weight of his betrayal. He said we would be together. He guaranteed.
I turned away from them, my soul crying. Still, seeing Clara is more difficult. Clara remains unaware of the truth. Trying to hang on to the fragments of her wounded heart, Clara—who knows nothing about what happened to her—left in the dark—is struggling.
She is in the kitchen, her hands clutching the counter, her body shivering with quiet sobs. I ought to get in touch with her. Even though I can't, I want her to know that I'm still here, watching over her. Our walls between one another are very robust and thick. I am simply a ghost, a mirror of what used to be.
I want to say something to her. To let her know, I never wanted to cause injury to anyone. I wanted her to understand that this was not the appropriate way to conclude things. She cannot hear my whisper, though, as it is just that.
I recall the evening I paid Jonas a call. The urgent edge to my voice, the anxiety snarling at my chest. I recall attempting to explain things to him.
"Jonas, I am pregnant." He returned. He came and found me. I begged. I begged him, my mind screaming for him to listen and hear the dread in my voice, twisting my words into a desperate whisper. Still, he did not.
"Stop acting dramatically, Michelle." You have to cool off; his voice is so icy and dismissive. The line then went dead. Desperate for him to understand, I shrieked into the phone, but the only response was silence.
Before everything went dark, that was the last sound I heard. The last thing I recall before everything stopped.
And now, here I am—floating, drifting into the cold, endless abyss.
Nothing I touch stays untouched. Nothing allows me to hang on. My only ability is to observe.
I ran across Clara once more. She is in her bedroom, drawing the blinds. She has red eyes and a blotchy face due to crying. I see her clutching her chest, and I can almost feel her anguish and loss. She is in mourning, and she doesn't know why. She doesn't know I've left her.
I wanted to yell at her to stop. I want to reassure her that she was not at fault. I never intended for this to happen. But the words don’t come. I cannot force them to show up.
I also see Lily here. Lily is standing in front of a news article that features a photo of my body from the morgue. The heading is "Missing Woman Found Dead." With her eyes wide in shock, she stares at the picture. She does not know it is me. She does not realize she is staring at my dead body. She is ignorant of the truth.
Are they feeling what I am? Can they sense me here, drifting through their lives? Can they hear my whispers? Or am I only a ghost lost in memory?
Though it seems useless, I try to scream. There isn't any sound. I can only float and whisper in the emptiness. They have no idea I am here. They are ignorant of what transpired.
But I won't quit either. I will not let them forget me.
I wander through the city streets, unseen, unheard. I float amid the dreams of the folks I left behind and used to know. Although I whisper their names, they do not respond. Never do they do. They can't, while I hope they would and wish they could. Not quite anymore.
I am caught here, sandwiched between this planet and the next. I cannot proceed unless they are in knowledge of the truth. Until Jonas realizes what he did. Until Clara is aware of what happened to me.
The shadow thickens. It's closing in on me, suffocating me.
I am unable to breathe.
Again, I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I couldn't find them. I cannot force them to hear me.
I return to Jonas floating back. I feel my heart stop all over again as he lies in bed with Viktoria.
During his holding of her, does he consider me? Does he recall the way I used to kiss him or the way he used to cradle me? Does he give our mutual promises any thought? Or has he already lost memory?
I wish I could help him experience it. I wish I could cause him to experience the depth of my suffering.
But I can’t.
I ran across Clara once more. Seated alone on the couch, she is staring blankly at the TV. The news is on, and my body flickers across the screen once more. I feel like she doesn't really notice that she blinks.
She is not familiar with me. She doesn't realize that my face is staring directly back at her from the screen.
She doesn't know I am here. I wanted to yell at her. I wish to impart all to her. I want her to understand that none of this was my intention.
But I'm not able to.
The silence is really thick. Therefore, it carries a significant weight.
Knowing is a different experience entirely. Will they ever feel my presence?
Are ghosts able to scream strong enough to break through?
- Writer
