The Hurt

Cover

I swallowed hard, a lump forming in my throat and, once again, suppressing my appetite. I put my fork down and talked slowly, “Yes, a couple of options…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say next.

“Keep eating.” Sean's voice was stern.

“What?”

“You heard me, keep eating,” he repeated.

“Oh, a-alright,” I said slowly, taken aback by his sudden change of mood.

“You’re eatin’ for two, and I know you don’t eat enough as it is.” His voice was smoother, but still stern. It made me uneasy for some reason.

“For now…” I muttered to myself, sighing, still unsure of what I wanted to do.

He had gotten up to place his dishes in the sink, but upon hearing me, he threw his dishes down into the sink, startling me. “What’d you say?” he snapped, spinning to face me.

My eyes widened a bit, not having seen him ever get visibly angry at me before. My mouth opened to say something, but I didn’t know what to say. “I—I don’t know what the best thing to do is yet…” I said quietly, “That — That’s what we’re going to hash out, right?” My arms wrapped around myself for security, trying to make myself as small as possible, wishing I could shrink into nothingness at that moment.

He walked back over to me slowly and stood over me, looking directly down at my most likely, frightened expression. He spoke slowly, but sternly articulate, “I don’t wanna hear you talk like that until we know what we’re gonna do for sure, a’ite?” I nodded silently, not wanting to look at him, tears stinging my eyes. His hand suddenly grabbed my chin to force me to look up at him, “Alright?” He repeated, my wide eyes closing, tears escaping my eyes. I silently cried and nodded. “Good. Now finish what you got on your plate,” he turned back to the sink to wash the dishes. His voice almost sounded back to normal.

Out of fear, I quickly finished my plate and drank the milk I had before placing the dishes by the sink for him to wash. I mumbled something about getting dressed as I walked by him, but he didn’t reply to me in any way. When I had the door closed behind me and locked, I sank to the floor and silently cried, wrapping myself in my arms again, trying not to have a panic attack from the events that had just transpired. I took some deep breaths; it took me a while to compose myself enough to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a comfortable shirt before returning to where Sean was, trying to pretend I wasn’t upset. I cleared my throat, “Anything I can help with?” I asked, still quiet, but I tried to sound as normal as possible.

“No, baby, take it easy. I’m jus’ finishing up here.” His voice sounded solemn; he was probably sorry for what he had done.

“Okay,” I nodded, sitting back down in the chair I was in just minutes ago. I didn’t look in his direction, staring into space, waiting to be pulled back to Earth when it was safe again.

I didn’t notice Sean sitting back down at first. It wasn’t until he put his warm, damp hand on one of mine that I blinked and mentally went back to where I was sitting, “Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry, baby girl.” His voice was gentle and normal.

I nodded, not feeling like I was able to talk yet.

He sighed, annoyed. I wasn’t sure if it was at him for what he did, or at me. “Can we talk about the baby and our situation? Seriously? I don’t want you mouthin’ off to me no more, we need to talk ‘bout this, an’ what we’re gonna do.”

I still wasn’t quite looking at him, unblinking, and a few tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. His hands cupped my face gently and wiped them away with his thumbs. Feeling his gentleness once again, I broke down in sobs, falling into his arms, not having the strength to sit up. He held me in his arms and shushed me, telling me it was going to be alright. I knew what I wanted, I think I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure if he would want the same thing. My face buried into his chest, my voice was muffled, “I want to keep our baby,” I sobbed.

He tried pulling me off of him enough to hear what I had said, “Hey, what did you say?” he asked consolingly.

I took a deep breath, wiped my tears, and cleared my throat before speaking again. Clearly, this time, I told him, “I think... I think I want to keep our baby.”

Sean smiled at my response, "That's what I wanted to hear, baby girl. You're gonna be one hell of a momma."

I sniffed, "You're only sayin' that because you have to," I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.

He laughed, "I don' have to say anything if I didn't wanna." He pet my hair, comforting me while I tried to compose myself again. "Tough as nails, I have no doubt you'll make a good momma, Kay Lynn."