The Hunger Within
1754 Words
The fortress appeared on the horizon like a promise.
Torches burned on the walls. Wolves stood guard. Home.
But I wasn't the same woman who had left.
The hunger pulsed inside me. Constant. Warm. Alive. It wasn't fighting me. It was waiting. Watching. Learning.
"You're different now," it said.
"I know."
"Do you regret it?"
"No."
"Liar."
I almost smiled. "Fine. I regret some of it."
"Which part?"
"The part where I didn't know what I was getting into."
"You knew exactly what you were getting into. You just didn't believe it would be this hard."
It was right.
"Stop staring at your palm," Damon said.
"I'm not staring."
"You're staring."
I looked at him. He was watching me with those dark eyes. Concerned. Protective. The kind of look that made me want to tell him everything was fine.
But it wasn't.
"The hunger," I said. "It's not going away."
"Did you think it would?"
"I hoped."
Damon pulled his horse closer. His hand found mine.
"Then we live with it."
"How?"
"One day at a time." He squeezed my fingers. "One step at a time."
I wanted to believe him.
The gates opened.
Wolves lined the courtyard. Their eyes were on me. Some curious. Some wary. Some afraid.
"They know," I said.
"Know what?"
"That I'm different now."
Damon's hand tightened on mine. "You're not different. You're stronger."
"That's not what they see."
"Then we show them."
He led me through the gates.
My mother was waiting in the courtyard. Sitting in a chair. Wrapped in blankets. Her face was pale, but her eyes were bright.
"Sera."
"Mother."
I dismounted. Walked to her. Knelt beside her chair.
"Did you do it?" she asked.
"I did it."
"He's gone?"
"He's gone."
Her hand touched my face. Thin. Trembling.
"You're not hurt?"
"I'm fine."
"You're lying."
I almost smiled. "I'm processing."
She laughed. It was a weak sound, but real.
"That's my girl."
Damon found me in the infirmary an hour later.
I was sitting beside my mother's bed. She was asleep. Her breathing was steady.
"She's going to be okay," he said.
"I know."
"But you're not."
I looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"You're carrying something. Something heavy." He knelt beside me. "Let me help."
"You can't help with this."
"I can try."
I looked at my palm. The mark was faint. Almost invisible.
"The hunger is part of me now. Part of my blood. My bones. My soul." I looked at him. "I don't know how to be me anymore."
"You don't have to."
"What?"
"You don't have to be the same Sera. You just have to be the Sera who survives."
I stared at him. "That's not helpful."
"It's honest." He took my hand. "And you've always wanted honesty."
He was right.
I didn't sleep that night.
The hunger was too loud. Too present.
"You're afraid of me."
"I'm not afraid of you."
"You're afraid of becoming like him."
I was quiet.
"That's why you're afraid of me. You think I'll change you."
"Won't you?"
"I can only change you if you let me."
"Then I won't let you."
"Good."
I sat up. The room was dark. Damon was asleep beside me.
"The hunger," I whispered. "It's talking to me."
Damon opened his eyes. "What's it saying?"
"That it won't change me."
"Do you believe it?"
"I want to."
He pulled me down. His arms wrapped around me.
"Then trust it."
"Even if it's lying?"
"Even if it's lying." He kissed my forehead. "Because I'll be here to catch you if it does."
---
Morning came too fast.
Sunlight poured through the window. Voices in the courtyard. Wolves preparing for the day.
I sat up. The mark on my palm was warm.
"Good morning," the hunger said.
"Good morning."
"You slept."
"Barely."
"You're still fighting me."
"Always."
"Good. That's what keeps you alive."
I stood. Walked to the window. The courtyard was full of wolves. Rina was at the front, giving orders.
"The hunger," I said. "It's not just inside me. It's in my blood. My bones. My soul."
Damon appeared behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist.
"And?"
"And I don't know who I am anymore."
"You're Sera." He turned me around. "The woman who walked away from Liam. The woman who married me. The woman who killed her father."
"That woman is gone."
"No. That woman is stronger." He touched my face. "Don't you see? You're not less because of the hunger. You're more."
I didn't believe him.
But I wanted to.
The pack gathered in the great hall that evening.
Damon stood at the head of the table. Maps spread before him. Weapons laid out like offerings.
"We have a new problem," he said.
"What kind of problem?" Rina asked.
"The hunger." He looked at me. "It's inside Sera now. Bonded. Permanent."
Murmurs rippled through the crowd.
"Is it dangerous?" someone asked.
"Not yet." I stepped forward. "But it could be."
"What do you mean?" Rina asked.
"I mean the hunger is part of me now. It's not going anywhere. And if I lose control—"
"You'll die," Damon said.
I looked at him. "You knew?"
"I guessed."
"How?"
"Because I know you. And I know you wouldn't bond yourself to something without a fail-safe."
"The fail-safe is death," I said. "If I lose control, I die."
The room went silent.
"That's not acceptable," Rina said.
"It's not your choice."
"It's not yours either." Rina walked toward me. "You're our Luna. Our queen. You don't get to sacrifice yourself without asking."
I looked at her. "You care?"
"Don't act surprised."
"I'm not surprised. I'm just not used to being cared about."
Rina stared at me. Then she nodded.
"We'll find another way."
"How?"
"We'll figure it out."
Damon found me in the library an hour later.
I was reading. Old books. Ancient texts. Anything that mentioned the hunger.
"There's nothing," I said.
"About the hunger?"
"About controlling it. About living with it." I slammed the book shut. "Every text says the same thing. It can't be controlled."
"Then we write a new text."
"What?"
"We write our own ending." He walked to me. "We don't follow the old rules. We make new ones."
I stared at him. "That's not how it works."
"It is now." He took my hand. "We're not living in the past. We're living in the future. And in the future, you control the hunger."
I didn't believe him.
But I wanted to.
That night, I stood on the balcony.
The moon was full. The stars were cold. The hunger pulsed inside me.
"You're thinking again."
"I'm always thinking."
"About what?"
"About control."
"You want to control me."
"I want to live with you."
"That's the same thing."
"No. Control means I dominate you. Living together means we find balance."
The hunger was quiet for a long moment.
"No one has ever asked for balance before."
"Then I'll be the first."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not like the others."
"No. You're not."
I felt something shift. Something deep inside me. The hunger wasn't fighting anymore.
It was listening.
Damon found me on the balcony an hour later.
"You're still awake," he said.
"I'm still thinking."
"About?"
"The hunger. The bond. What comes next." I looked at him. "It's not going away."
"I know."
"Are you scared?"
"Terrified." He walked to me. Stopped inches away. "But I'm more terrified of losing you."
"You won't lose me."
"You promise?"
I touched his face.
"I promise."
He kissed me.
Not gentle. Not soft. It was desperate. Hungry. His hands cupped my face like I was something precious. Something he was afraid to break.
"I can't lose you," he whispered against my lips.
"You won't."
"You don't know that."
"I know I'll fight." I pulled back. Looked at him. "I'll fight the hunger. I'll fight myself. I'll fight anyone who tries to take me from you."
He pressed his forehead to mine.
"That's all I needed to hear."
I kissed him again. Slower this time. His arms wrapped around me. His warmth chased away the cold.
When we finally pulled apart, the hunger was quiet.
Watching. Waiting.
But not fighting.
We slept in each other's arms that night.
The hunger was quiet. Watching. Waiting.
But not fighting.
And for the first time in days, I felt something like peace.
Rina came to the room the next morning.
"The pack wants to see you," she said.
"See me?"
"See you. Prove that you're still you."
I looked at Damon. He nodded.
"Then let's go."
The great hall was full.
Every wolf in the fortress was there. Rina stood at the front, her rust-colored eyes sharp.
"Luna," she said. "The pack has questions."
"Ask them."
One wolf stepped forward. A male. Scarred. Old.
"Is it true you bonded yourself to the hunger?"
"Yes."
"And you control it?"
"Not yet. But I will."
"How can we trust that?"
I walked to him. Stopped inches away.
"You can't. Not yet. But I'll earn it." I looked at the crowd. "I didn't bond myself to the hunger for power. I bonded myself to it to save you. To save everyone. Silas is dead. The curse is broken. And I'm still standing."
The old wolf stared at me.
"Then prove it."
"Watch me."
I raised my hand. The mark on my palm glowed.
The room went silent.
The hunger pulsed. But I didn't let it loose.
"See?" I said. "I'm in control."
The old wolf stepped back.
"I believe you," he said.
After the pack dispersed, Rina found me.
"You did well," she said.
"I did what I had to."
"That's the same thing."
I looked at her. "You really care about this pack."
"I do." She met my eyes. "And I'm starting to care about you."
I didn't know what to say to that.
So I just nodded.
Damon found me in the courtyard.
"The pack is starting to trust you," he said.
"They have no choice."
"They have plenty of choices. They chose you."
I looked at the sky. The moon was rising.
"We're not done yet," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"The hunger is part of me now. That means I have to learn to live with it." I looked at him. "And that means going back."
"Back where?"
"To the mountain. To the cave. To the thing that changed me."
Damon's jaw tightened.
"When?"
"Tomorrow."
He nodded.
"Then I'm coming with you."
I touched his face.
"I know."
- Writer
