Rosie's Obsession

Chapter 19 — In or Out

I leaned against the door, banging my head on it softly.

“What now, Rosie?”

I couldn't keep drifting away like this.

(Forget about going to E.A. You're going to repeat the semester, Rosie.)

“Jesus Christ.” I pushed away from the door, pacing my bedroom.

“Okay…” I nodded, reaching for my school bag.

“I just have to lock in, right?”

I opened it, pulling out my notebooks and loose sheets of paper.

“Easy peasy.”

…….

I groaned, flinging the book to the wall.

(What happened to easy-peasy, dumbass.)

“Shut up.” I murmured.

I'd been at it for over an hour and yet, nothing.

It just felt like the words kept slipping out, and I couldn't concentrate on anything in particular.

I lay face up on the bed, staring at the ceiling in thought.

Henry's face flashed through my mind and almost instantly—

My body thrummed with need.

I closed my eyes, imagining his breath fanning my cheeks as he whispered sweet nothing's into my ear.

“f**k…” I moaned, sliding my hand into my shorts.

I moved my panties aside, pushing a finger into my already wet p***y.

I moaned, welcoming the sudden intrusion.

“Yes, Henry…” I moved my finger in and out, imagining Henry's lips trailing from my neck down to my chest.

My free hand trailed underneath my shirt, towards my breast as Henry's lips latched onto it.

“Ohh, God…” I groaned, pumping faster.

My finger slid out for a moment, rubbing my c**t as I felt the pressure build up in me.

I pinched my n****e, clenching my eyes shut as spasms racked my body.

I added another finger, sliding in and out— while rubbing my c**t.

My toes curled tightly, as tears gathered at the back of my eyes.

I was so… close.

Just a few more, Rosie.

(Disappointment and a fool.)

I stilled.

It felt like I'd been doused with cold water.

The tears or pleasure that had built up at the back of my eyes, transformed into rage.

“f**k you!” I yelled, picking the closest object to me, and threw it against the wall.

(Wonder how long it'll take before you're admitted to the psych ward.)

“Shut up.” I mumbled, just as a knock sounded at my door.

I walked towards it and pulled the door open.

My scowl deepened.

“Are you alright—”

“f**k off, Henry.” I seethed, slamming the door in his face.

Then I walked back to my bed and plopped on it.

I exhaled heavily, closing my eyes in an attempt to sleep.

But another knock came again.

I got up from the bed with a groan, hoping to give him a piece of my mind.

“What the f**k do you want, Henry?” I screamed, opening the door.

Shit.

Mum blinked at me in shock.

“Jesus Christ, Rosie,” Mum said, stepping further into my room. “Henry said you were feeling under the weather but you just seem angry to me.”

I walked back to my bed and sat on it, cross-legged.

“What is going on with you, Rosie?” She asked, closing the door behind her.

“Nothing.” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Is this anger being directed at me?” She asked, walking closer.

I rubbed my palm over my face.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream at you,” I mumbled.

“I do hope that attitude wasn't directed at poor Henry either.”

Poor Henry, indeed.

“Look mum, I'm fine, okay. Sorry for screaming at you, I sincerely didn't mean it.”

She sighed, taking a seat close to me on the bed, then she took my hands into hers.

“I know I haven't been around much, but I'm here now… and you can talk to me. Hell, I want you to talk to me.

“It's—”

“Don't.” She deadpanned. “I know it's not nothing, you've never acted like this before, not even when your father—”

I ripped my hands from hers.

“I don't want to hear anything about him.”

“Maybe you need to.”

“I don't need to, okay.”

She shook her head, eyes clouding with sorrow. “I know it must be hard for you, with everything… but I think it's high time you talked to someone, Rosie.”

I scoffed bitterly. “About what?”

“About everything,” she pressed. “About the things you keep locked inside of you. It's eating you slowly, Rosie. You don't want to open up to anyone, you don't want to talk about your father—”

“He's not my father.”

“Just because you changed your last name doesn't mean he's not your father, Rosie.”

I rolled my eyes, stood up from the bed.

“He left you mum, get over it.”

Her jaw tightened, eyes swirling with hurt.

“He didn't.” She bit out.

“Don't tell me you still believe he's stuck at war!” I screamed, blinking back the tears that were threatening to pour out.

“Rosie—”

“It's been ten years, mum.” I croaked.

“Ten freaking years. The war’s been over since then, and his body was never accounted for. Doesn't that tell you something.”

“That he died in the line of duty.”

“Oh please. Whether he died while serving his country or he eloped with someone else…”

“...he didn't.”

“It's all the same thing, Mum!” I screamed in exasperation. “He left you, and that's it.”

Tears fell down her face silently and almost instantly, guilt enveloped me.

“He's not coming back, mum,” I sniffled, as tears began streaming down my face too. “You've waited long enough already. Christ, you're engaged to Henry.”

She clenched her eyes shut.

“He doesn't deserve this, and you know that. Either you're all in with him or you're not.”

She wiped her eyes, nodding her head in agreement. “You're right. God, what is wrong with me?”

I walked closer, wrapping my arms around her body.

“It's alright.” I murmured, rubbing her back soothingly. “You'll get over it.”

“Will I ever?” She asked quietly.

I pulled away, staring deeply into her eyes.

“You will.”

She shook her head slightly.

“It's not as easy as it sounds when you're in love, Rosie. Maybe one day you'll understand it too.”