It Was Always You

Cleanse by Fire

As I followed Owen's pickup outside of town, I tried to remember the last time I had been out on the property that he bought with Lucas. It had to have been at least a couple of years. They started their farm as a side project, but over time it has grown to be a full time operation. They were able to quit their full time employment to focus solely on expanding the property and their products. Last time I had visited, Lucas had just finished building a second house next to the original house on the property. Lucas moved into the new build, and Owen stayed in the beautiful original farm house with his wife, Sofia. Moving in with the happy couple while I was coming off of my failed engagement wasn't exactly what I had seen for myself at 25, but I couldn't be more thankful for their offer. They were giving me a place to sleep and a new job somewhere on the farm so that I wouldn't have to drive back into town every day to waitress.

As we turned on an old county road, faint memories from my occasional visits let me know that we were almost there. As we drove around the orchard, the houses came into view and I could see Lucas sitting on his porch. As we pulled into the driveway and he walked over I quickly noticed that working on the farm had been good for him. Lucas had always been attractive with his dark brown curls and piercing green eyes, but this Lucas wasn't the same guy I had seen on my last visit. His t-shirt was tight around his arms, showing off the muscles that had apparently come with running the farm and his tan skin was a sharp contrast to the paleness that came from working in an office. He flashed a smile in my direction and butterflies hit me full force.

‘Oh absolutely not’ I thought, ‘Olive you just broke off your engagement. Even if that wasn't the case, Lucas is so incredibly off limits.’ I scolded myself before Lucas swung my car door open and pulled me in for a hug.

"Olive! It's so good to see you, even if it's not under happier circumstances" he said.

As we pulled out of the hug I replied "Oh moving out to the farm with you three is the happiest of circumstance! Thanks for being here to help move in all of my stuff." My reply felt a little too formal in response, but I had to reign in these rebound butterflies. I'm sure they'll disappear on their own as soon as I'm settled in.

"We're not moving it all in, right?" He said with a grin.

"Why wouldn't we?" I asked.

Lucas laughed and said "I set up the burn pit out back. Remember, I've seen my fair share of Olive break ups and they all end in fire."

"Okay, that's not fair. I may have burned a photo or two in high school, but that was seven years ago and I never lit nearly enough to fill an entire pit. I'm not as dramatic now as I was back then." I said with a fake offended look plastered on my face.

My brother laughed at our conversation as he opened the bed on the pickup. "Come on Olive, I could go for a fire tonight, and it's not like you need all of this anyways. Imagine what you could do now that you have all of this, and not just a few pictures." My brother said with a smile and a knowing look.

"You guys are terrible influences." I said, as my eyes darted between them.

"Yes they are, but why this time?" I heard a soft voice ask from behind me. I turned around to see Sofia walking towards us.

"They think I'm burning some of the things from the apartment" I said as Sofia walked up next to me and threw one arm around me for a side hug.

"Oh, you're not?" She asked "Come on! I've heard a lot about the Olive break up experience. I was a little excited to see it first hand." She said with a wink.

"Not you too?! I swear they're being dramatic. I'm not crazy. I promise." I said, a little embarrassed. I'm not sure if the embarrassment stems from the amount of breakup burns that are apparently referred to as 'The Olive break up experience', or the obvious embellishments that Sofia had been hearing. It was clearly 3 against 1, but if I'm being completely honest, throwing the sheets I found him wrapped up in with some girl he'd met at work into a fire pit sounded like a real good time.

"Fine, you guys win." I said in a way that almost hid the fact that I was excited. "I better start sorting."

It took about an hour, but I had finally sorted the boxes on the lawn. It was dark now, but I guess that's the best time to start a fire. Owen and Lucas had carried in all of the things I deemed not to burn and all that was left outside were 3 boxes full of things I'd rather see up in smoke.

Lucas and Owen took the boxes over to the fire pit and set them down. The shared back patio was beautiful. But my eyes immediately went to the large copper fire pit placed on the far edge. It was surrounded by wooden chairs with a few blankets folded and thrown over the tops. As I sat down, I couldn't help but admire the view from this spot. You could see the lawn that they obviously kept well manicured all the way to the back orchard. Lucas walked over and threw a match down on the already assembled fire pit and flames began to spread out, filling the pit. He looked so proud of himself and I couldn't help but smile.

"There was no arguing with this, was there?" I asked after softly laughing at his dramatics.

"Nope!" He said with a smile as the butterflies began to creep back into my stomach. I shooed them away and began opening the first smaller box that was labeled Wedding. Nothing like a failed engagement to fight off the butterflies. I had previously managed to take a few things out and stash them in my purse. One save the date, an invitation, and a couple of photos that we'd planned to spread across the tables. I needed some tangible proof that I'd lived through these things and felt them all so deeply. Before I could dig through the box, Sofia joined us and sat on the empty chair to my right.

"The back patio looks great" I told her, with tears forming in my eyes.

"Thank you! We'll give you a full tour tomorrow so you can see it all in the light." She pulled me into a hug as Lucas chose the chair to my left and Owen sat down next to Sofia. I heard Owen yell "THROW SOMETHING IN THE PIT! Come on Olive, it always made you feel better!"

I took the stack of save the dates and invitations out and threw them into the flames, watching as they slowly became engulfed in fire. The three of them cheered as I continued throwing photos and notes and wedding plans into the flames until all that was left was an empty box. I forgot how cathartic this felt. As we waited for the flames to die down, Sofia stood up and said "I know there's more, but your brother and I have an early morning! We should probably go to bed. But you two stay out here and finish up!" Owen gave me a hug and said goodnight before following his wife into their house.

"Alright, what's next?" Lucas asked as the flames died down. I opened the box of bedding and Lucas looked a bit confused.

"What? You wanted me to burn." I said with an equally confused look.

"Olive, this is a box of perfectly good sheet sets. I thought we were sticking to paper" He said, almost in disbelief.

"That's not what Owen was suggesting. Besides, I only agreed to this because of this box. We're only burning the set on top. That set became a little less than perfect the day I found him and his 'friend' wrapped in them."

Lucas looked a little stunned as his eyes met mine.

"OH he... and that's why... and you walked in... that makes so much sense." I looked up at him confused, "you didn't know?"

"No, your brother just said you had called it off. I didn't ask why." He stood up and pulled me to my feet, wrapping me in a hug.

"Well, now you know." I said with a sad tone.

"I'm so sorry Oli" Lucas said as he placed a quick, delicate kiss on the top of my head. My heart fluttered and I had hoped he didn't feel it. No one had called me Oli in years. My family quit using that nickname at my request in high school. I never liked the way it sounded, but it was different coming from him. I pulled away and reached into the box.

"Well, here goes nothing." I said as I threw in the first pillow case and the flames began to rise.