Not the girl next door

Panic

Panic set in, all of a sudden I felt overwhelmed by what just happened, I pushed William off me and walked into the kitchen. I felt tears fill my eyes and start to run down my cheeks, William entered the kitchen looking worried and confused “what did I do Nat? I’m sorry I thought you were into it” he said cupping my face. “It’s not you, I think you should go, let’s just forget this happened, please” the tears came on strong and I could feel my anxiety building in my chest, feeling like a rock pushing down stopping me from breathing. I pushed William away and walked to the back porch hoping air would calm me down, I held onto the porch railing tight trying to control my breathing, I took in deep breaths allowing the fresh air to enter my lungs. William was standing beside me, his eyes full of concern, “I’m sorry” I said quietly, feeling embarrassed. “There’s a reason I tried pushing you away William, I’m broken. I have been for a long time”

William put his hand over mine squeezing it, “why do you think you’re broken?” He asked.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone about that night, the reason this past year has been pure hell, the reason my father hates me. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was the reason my mother died. That my selfishness was the reason we got into an accident.

William stared at me, asking a million questions with his eyes, I could tell his concern was genuine, he was searching for some kind of answer and I wasn’t sure I could give him one. “Look” he said “ you don’t have to tell me anything, not until you’re ready, but I want you to know you can trust me. I want to be around you” I trusted his words, and I could tell he was different.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone” I said.

“How has your dad cooed with it all?” William asked. I looked away not even knowing how to answer that, the truth is I actually had no idea, I didn’t know my father anymore, the time we did spend together was a holiday which we spent with family meaning we didn’t have direct contact. “ I honestly don’t know, my father and I don’t speak, he’s away more than he’s home and when he’s home he works late and comes home when I’m in bed”

We stood in silence for a while, I could feel that William had a million questions he wanted to ask but he didn’t, and I was thankful for that.

The next day William and I met at Daisies, I ran there and by the time I got there William was already sitting at my table with our drinks ordered. “Hey” he said, looking at me up and down as I regained by breath. “Hey” I answered while sitting down opposite him, “thanks for ordering” I said, I took a sip of my drink and closed my eyes while the coffee spilled down my throat, I hadn’t slept well the past few nights.

We spend 3 hours at the coffee shop working on our project, we created the outline and set out meeting times to work on it.

I accepted Williams offer to drive me home, the car ride was quiet but relaxed. He said he’d call me later, I nodded, smiled and walked to my front door, he didn’t drive away until I was inside.

As soon as I closed the door I noticed lights were on, and so was the tv. I walked in further and I could hear talking. As I approached the family room I could hear my dad on the phone.

“f**k” I thought, I slowly walked towards the stairs but before i could make it up the first step I heard my dad’s voice “Natalie?” He asked in a semi-stern tone.

I stood frozen for a few seconds before turning and heading back into the family room. I walked in keeping my head low, “hi dad” I said not making eye contact.

“Where have you been?” He asked with in a quick tone.

Still keeping my head low and avoiding eye contact I replied “I was working in a biology project with a friend”

“Ok we’ll we’re having dinner tonight, I’ll order in” he said then turning back to his phone letting me know there was no need for further conversation.

Dinner with my father alone, no thanks!

“Abel is on his way over for dinner, I didn’t know your be here” was the first thing I thought to say and can only pray Abel will come.

“That’s fine, he can join us” my father said still looking down at his phone.