DEAR KIM

CHAPTER FOUR | AT BANPO BRIDGE

There I was staring at the most perfect being I had ever seen at the Banpodaegyo Bridge in South Korea, unaware of the fact that a crush gone wrong could become the love that would consume me.

There was no special effect of any kind as seen in movies, but the stars of the night sky and the moth-ridden streetlights illuminated the beauty of Kim Tae Min. The beauty consumed me and that was more than enough.

"Hi, I'm fine and it's alright, I can speak English." He said, with a smile so pure.

He had spoken and in an attempt to reply, my voice vanished for seconds. I pinched my thighs and bit down on my lips praying for self-composure.

I did not want Tae Min to find out that I was a fan. If he did, he might put on a mask, smile and run away.

Frightened by the thought, I took in a deep breath and exhaled releasing all tension from my diaphragm. Soon, I was back to my normal self.

Drenched in the realm of clarity from forced confidence, I became Priya Kapoor, the assertive Indian girl and not Priya Kapoor, the die-hard fan of Kim Tae Min.

"Hi, I'm sorry I thought something was wrong." I said in English, my voice twice as enchanting.

"No, everything's fine. You're a foreigner but you speak Korean so well. Were you born here?" He asked. The sunglasses, a disguise from the public, were completely removed from his eyes. I was lost in the gorgeousness of those almond-shaped eyes.

"No. I was actually born in the United States but my parents are from Mumbai. So I'm an Indian-American, sort of." I laughed but my thoughts felt differently.

"Too much information Priya! Keep it cool!"

"That's nice." He said.

There was an awkward minute between us. The air felt heavy. The norm reaction would be a sickness called 'uncomfortable' but I did not feel such sickness. I was thrilled and did the best I could to restrain myself from hugging him.

"So...what are you doing here? Staring at the river?" I asked, in an attempt to break the silence.

"I wanted to get some fresh air." He said and I saw it. The sadness in his eyes.

I always doubted my judgement of Kim Tae Min. I thought I had gotten so obsessed, I assumed his true feelings but at that moment I knew my perception was true. He was sad.

He did his best to smile but I kept my eyes fixed on the tears that glistened at the corner of his eyes. Something was wrong.

I took another look at his hands and this time, I could finally see beyond the gold rings. Perhaps the shock of meeting an idol like him blinded me a few minutes ago.

Now, I found an opened bottle of Bourbon clutched by his left hand and on his right a pack of cigarettes remained sealed.

"I don't think those would help you get 'fresh air'." I said.

He smiled.

"I'm sorry but I'm not judging. I'm just being a concerned passer-by. I mean are you really going to drink that Bourbon, smoke and then drive across this bridge? That's quite dangerous don't you think? I think it is." I said. My confidence overwhelmed me and my true concern for Kim Tae Min, began to slip out.

"It's not a good idea is it? Cigars keep me calm. I really wanted to get rid of the stress I feel right now." He said. I pitied him.

I had to help him. I always wished I could and by fate unexplained I was given the chance to. I decided to take it.

"Okay! Here's what we're going to do..."

"I'm sorry we?" He asked, his eyes grew large from surprise.

"Yeah, 'we'. That's what I said. I'm going to help you get rid of the stress." Even I was flabbergasted at my boldness. I had outdone myself.

"And how are you going to do that?" Kim Tae Min asked, completely drawn in.

"Well I'm going to be your weepy cushion."

"My what?"

"It's a special pillow I cry on and punch whenever I'm angry or frustrated."

"I'm not punching you!"

"I don't want you to punch me." I laughed.

"I'm just going to listen while you pour your heart out. You can tell me anything and everything. I'll just listen and walk away like the total stranger I am. You'll feel better if you let go." I explained.

Kim Tae Min took a glance at the river and then back at me. I could see doubt in his eyes. He trusted no one. I could tell.

"You know what? Allow me to make this easier." I said.

I grabbed the bottle of Bourbon from his hand and began to gulp the brown liquor.

"Whoa! What are you doing?!" He asked.

"I'm going to take this until I'm a bit drunk or very drunk. The point is you can say whatever you want to say, knowing that I'll forget all of it when I wake up tomorrow. Deal?"

"No deal! There's no way I'm letting a minor take alcohol. I can't be the next topic of Korea." He said. I sensed nervousness in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Reporters are always looking for a scoop or scandal and if I get a minor drunk, I'll be all over the news. I'm sorry but I can't let that happen."

"You sound like a big shot."

He said nothing and I knew why.

"By the way who's a minor?! I'm twenty two years old!" I yelled. The alcohol's influence had started to kick in quicker than I thought.

"Oh! I'm sorry then. I thought you were a minor but I guess you're just cute." Tae Min said.

My heart skipped a beat and words chanted loudly within my skull.

"I'm cute! Kim Tae Min called me cute!"

"Thank you." I said with grace and poise.

"So are you going to start talking or am I drinking this just for the fun of it?" I asked.

Tae Min chuckled and I saw it. A glimpse of his smile without a mask. I drank a bit more.

He took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. Then he leaned against the guard rails, his eyes focused on the Han River.

"I guess I just feel pressured by everyone around me. I'm expected to be a brand. Someone loved by everyone but I feel like nothing more than an object admired by countless humans. I have a lot going on and I don't even have real friends to share my worries with. Just fakers who only smile at me for money sake. So I do some stuff to make myself feel good but the stuff I do has me in deep shit..." Kim Tae Min stopped. He looked at me and shook his head.

"I'm sorry...I can't believe I'm actually doing this while you drink. It doesn't feel right and I can't tell you..."

"I already told you, I'll forget everything by morning. This is my choice. Besides, I need this drink way more than you." I confessed.

"Really? How so?" Tae Min asked. He was hooked and I liked that.

"I'm supposed to be back home right now, getting engaged to a guy my parents chose for me. I mean a freaking arranged marriage. Can you believe it? I don't even have a choice because of how my family is!" I yelled, Bourbon soaked my nerves.

"An arranged marriage in this century? You just said you're twenty two, right? What's the rush?"

"Exactly! I don't have a voice and I can't say no! So what do I do? I run to South Korea so I can meet with..." I paused. I had to stop drinking or I would spill the beans.

I took a look at my watch. I had to meet up with Cho Daehyun and the other tourists but my heart wanted me to stay with Kim Tae Min.

I could not. It was getting late. I had to leave.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

"As weird as this is. I do. I came here to get a smoke but instead, a lady got drunk on my Bourbon while I talked my heart out. This is a strange therapy." He smiled.

And there it was. For the first time, I saw Kim Tae Min smile without his mask on.

"You're welcome but now I have to leave. You can have this back." I said.

I staggered to Kim Tae Min, about to give him the bottle of Bourbon, when my limbs failed me. I closed my eyes scared to hit the ground but I did not. I opened my eyes, he caught me.

My heart stopped.

The smell of his cologne fed my nostrils and my chest tightened. My eyes crawled over his hair, his eyes, the smooth of his skin and the pink of his lips. He was close. Too close.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'll just keep walking and find my way from a bus station when I get to Seocho." I said, trying desperately to keep it together.

"I can't let you walk to Seocho-gu this drunk. I feel like it's my fault you're this way. Let me give you a ride at least." He offered.

"Kim and I in the same car! That can't happen!! I'll die!!" My thoughts screamed.

"That's okay. I'll be fine." I said with calm.

"Please."

"Fine, Mr whatever." I said in pretence.

"The name's Kim Tae Min and you are?" He asked.

I froze. If he knew I was the winner of the contest held by his agency, the situation would change. I did not want change. I loved being the stranger Kim Tae Min could talk to.

"I'm Pree." I said.

"Pree. Cute name. Alright then, get in Pree." He said.

My legs quivered when he called me Pree. I would have danced but the Bourbon made me numb.

"So where am I taking you?" He asked.

I took a look at a map Cho Daehyung gave me earlier that day. I told Kim Tae Min the name of the hotel and he started the car. After an engine roar and roll of rims, we drove off.

"Care for some music?" Tae Min asked.

"Okay."

He turned on the car stereo and the song 'It's okay if you forget me' by the artist, Astrid.S filled the car in glorious sound waves.

Tae Min hummed to the song and so did I.

"You like this song?" I asked.

"Yeah. I do."

"Did you break up with someone?" I asked, curious about his connection to the lyrics of the beautiful song.

"No. Must I have a broken heart to love a song like this?" He asked.

"No."

"Did you break up with someone then?" He asked.

"No!" I piped.

"So you also like this song and you didn't break up with anyone..."

"Fine! Fine! Forget I asked, let's just enjoy the song." I pouted and for the first time I saw Kim Tae Min laugh whole heartedly.

While my lips moved, I let my right hand sway freely out the car window. The moon in its silvery ray kissed the Han River and ripples gave the water an admirable beauty. I smiled as the wonderful song filled my ears.

I turned to Tae Min. He smiled at me. Then he kept his eyes on the road as he sang. He had a beautiful voice that brought calm to my heart.

I had always liked the song 'It's okay if you forget me' by the music artist, Astrid S but at that moment it became our song.

. ***

Kim Tae Min dropped me off at the Ocloud Hotel in Seocho-gu and with a smile so wide I got out of the car.

"Hey, Pree?!" Kim Tae Min called.

I turned to him.

With his hands on the steering wheel, he looked down, then up and finally fixed his eyes on me. He was shy. I thought it cute.

"Um...I...I just want to say thanks for today. I know you said you'll probably forget this by tomorrow but I hope you don't because I won't. It was really nice to meet you. I had fun and I hope we meet again. Bye."

He rolled up the car window and drove off into the night.

I got to the room reserved for me and while fatigue roamed my bones, the excitement of that night kept me sturdy.

I rushed to my laptop, turned it on and called the one person I needed to. I called Jess.

"Hey girl? How's Korea?!" Jess asked.

"Good." I replied.

Jesse Parker talked about a lot of things but none of them mattered at that moment.

The last words Kim Tae Min said to me replayed in my head over and over. Without thinking, I screamed.

"What the hell Pree? I've got AirPods on! You should warn me before you..."

"I met Kim Tae Min." I said.

"You what...you met who...you did what now?"

"I met him today. I met Kim Tae Min!!"

There was silence for two seconds and then we both screamed.

"Oh my goodness! That's awesome! I thought the date was in three months?" Jess asked. I saw confusion in her eyes.

"No. It wasn't the date. I was just walking through this bridge in Korea and bam! I met him! We talked, he laughed! He said I was cute! Then he dropped me off in his car and I..." I tried to squeeze a hundred words in one second.

"Wait, you met him by coincidence?" Jess asked after interrupting the drunken description of the best night I ever had.

"Total coincidence!"

"That's great! So did you tell him that it was you who wrote the letter?"

"What letter?"

"The letter that got you to Korea, Pree! You look wasted. Are you okay?" Observant Jess asked.

"I'm fine Jess. He doesn't know who I am. I couldn't tell him." I said.

"So what are you going to do when you both meet for your date eventually?"

I stared at the laptop screen. My head started to hurt. The butterflies that roamed my stomach earlier began to choke me.

"I didn't think of that...what am I...how am I..." I stuttered and closed my laptop , completely ignoring Jess.

I did not have the strength to change. The smell of Bourbon and Kim Tae Min's cologne engulfed me. I slumped on my bed, screamed into a pillow and uttered one word repeatedly.

"s**t!"