Always

Chapter Nine: Midnight Memories

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   I'm riding from school to the beach in Brian's truck. I was supposed to be spending time with Mia, but she's sick to her stomach. So I asked Brian if he'd hang around at the beach. He agreed with just a small smile. 

   “You've got everything you need?” 

   I check my bag. I had my sunscreen, my sunglasses, and my towel. My bathing suit was underneath what I was wearing, making it very uncomfortable to sit for long. But the beach was only fifteen minutes away, so I'll be fine. Hopefully. 

   “Yeah, I do. How about you?” 

   “Ready as I'll ever be.” A knife stabbed my heart at those words. Brian used to say that a lot to me whenever we went somewhere, just the two of us. 

   Once we arrive at the beach, I was surprised that it wasn't packed like it usually was. 

   “Looks like the beach's all for ourselves.” I laugh as we get out of his truck, my bag around my shoulders. 

   I don't know if Brian still feels the same for me like I do him. My feelings for him never actually went away when we broke up. Or, what I did to make us break up. But to me, I keep thinking that he does. But that could only be my imagination. He probably never wants me back. 

   Right when I thought that, Brian takes my hand in his, squeezing it. Did I space out again? I usually do that when I'm thinking really hard about something. Or in this case, someone. 

   “You ready?” I nod. 

   We walk hand in hand towards the beach, making my heart pound against my chest like a drum. I lay my towel down on the hot sand, my skin just waiting for a tan. I peel off my clothes, so glad that I shaved, since Brian's watching my every move. 

   “Here.” He hands me my sunscreen, and the day when we first met replayed through my mind. Why didn't I just stay and talk to him like any other normal person would? We could've been stronger than we ever were. But of course that never happened. I put sunscreen on as Brian takes off his shirt. It took a lot for me not to stare. 

   Instead of a towel, he sits on the hot sand, staring out at the ocean. I slip on my sunglasses, lay down, and wait for the sun to do it's magic. It didn't last for long though. I guess when I closed my eyes, I didn't realize that Brian got up. 

   You know what he did? He picked me up, startling me, and threw me into the ocean. 

   “Really?” I couldn't help but laugh. This reminded me of the old times that we had together. 

   “I just love hearing you laugh June.” 

   Maybe I'm not the only one who remembers, and possibly might want it back. Brian looks at me, for once since we met again, that dimple finally shows itself to me. 

   “You hungry?” At that moment, my stomach growled at the mention of food. 

   “Sure am. But I'm too lazy to get up.” 

   “I'm coming.” I laugh as he comes over to pick me up. 

   “What you in the mood for?” Brian asks as we're near the food stands. I look at what's offered. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Snacks. Drinks. I look up at him. He was studying me. I studied him back. I suddenly realized how close we were. I broke off the stare, I lay my head on his shoulder, smiling. 

   “If you want, I could go get us something if you go find us a spot to sit at.” 

   “Uh...Sure.” I honestly felt like he didn't feel what I was feeling. Maybe it's just me. 

   Brian sets me down, without a glance back, I go find us a spot to eat at. 

   I find a perfect spot, underneath a big shade of trees, where the sun wasn't shining so bright. I pulled two chairs away from one of the tables, and I also pulled a bench for us to to place our food on. 

   “Looks amazing June.” Brian's voice makes my face go red. I never meant for him to see me do it, just to see it whenever I was done. 

   “Thanks…” 

   “There's nothing to be embarrassed of. It looks great. Don't worry.” 

   “Okay.” 

   “Here.” He hands me a bag that smelled really good. I open it, and lay it out on the bench. He got me a hot dog with ketchup and mustard, fries on the side, and a small chocolate smoothie.

   “You just know me so well.” I say, giving him a smile. 

   “I just try to make you as happy as you can be.” Everything he says to me just makes me miss him more and more. We eat our food in silence. 

   “I'll take it.” 

   “Thanks.” Brian goes to throw our food away. I was about to put everything back when I stopped myself. 

   People need to know that what has happened here today. I leave our “amazing lunch” where it is, and I head down towards the beach where our stuff was still laying. 

   “Why can't I just be normal for once?” I say out loud. I should've put everything back the way it was. Why didn't I? To top it all off, my feelings for Brian have been messing with me. But it hurts to realize that he may never feel the same, that I lost all my chances. 

   I could feel hot tears rolling down my face. I tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming one by one. I could also feel myself being held as I cried. 

   “Just let it all out June. It's okay.” Brian whispers to me. But that only makes my tears come out faster. 

   Why? Because it's not okay to cry. Especially over something so stupid. So… 

   “I know exactly how you feel right now June.” No! I wanted to scream. You don't! 

   I could feel my shoulders shake as Brian sets is down on the sand. He holds me close as I cry. 

   “Shh June shh.” He kept repeating those three words until I finally did shut up. I lay my head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat, putting a small smile on my face. The sun was beginning to set, the sky beginning to darken. 

   “I'm going to tell you something June that I hope that you still feel.” Hearing that made me go silent. 

   “June…” 

   “Please...Please tell me you feel the same.” 

   “I love you.” Hearing those three words...Those three words that he's never told me before, brings my heart back together again. But I don't say it back. I wanted to say it back, but I can't. Not now...Not until I've fixed the past. 

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