Always

Chapter Seven: Apologize

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   I have to tell him how I feel. I can't live like this anymore. 

   The tears, the pain, the hurt that I have suffered for all these months. It's just not fair to feel the way I do. 

   I wait for him outside the school on the front steps. I haven't seen him yet, only people that keep telling me bye, and I smile back to. I already know where he parked, for his blue truck is in the middle of the parking lot, making me want to hop in the passenger seat and turn up the radio like I remember. I about give up when I see him open the door. 

   He sees me, but he doesn't talk to me. But he does take my hand in his, and he led me to his truck. With his hand in mine, I've never felt so alive before. It makes me miss all those times when we did hold hands. I felt so safe. I still do with him beside me. 

   “Need a ride home?” I didn't even think about that. Mia was suppose to be my ride, but I told her what I was going to do with Brian, so she left me, telling me to call if I need her. Why am I so clueless? I hate myself for being this way. 

   “I do. Thanks.” Our hand holding came to an end as I hopped into the passenger side. Brian starts the truck, and I feel a sudden urge to turn on the radio. But those times are gone. Instead, I look out the window, humming my own songs. 

   “You still liking that old music of yours?” Brian asks when I'm in the middle of humming Bon Jovi's Livin’ On A Prayer. 

   “They're not that old.” 

   “Old enough.” I stick my tongue out at him as he laughs. Maybe this is the right time to say how I feel. 

   “Brian, I have to tell you something.” All the fun we just had left us, seriousness took over. “I'm...I'm sorry...I...Never meant to do what I did...It was wrong of me...And to be honest? That wasn't even me…” I let out a sigh of relief. 

   All of this weight just lifted off my shoulders. I finally don't have to feel afraid to talk to him. Not anymore, at least. But Brian didn't say a word. Just kept looking forward as he drove on towards my house. It wasn't far from where we are now. Now I just feel stupid. 

   What if he never wanted to hear me apologize? Worse: What if he never accepts my apology? God I'm so stupid. Stupid for not thinking about how he'd feel. Once we arrive at my house, I open the passenger door before he fully stops. I could feel tears burning the corner of my eyes.

   “June, wait!” I turn around to see Brian running up to me. 

   “What?” My voice cracks, feeling my throat tighten up as tears fall. 

   Brian wraps his arms around me, holding me. I blink twice before holding him back, laying my head against his chest. 

   “Thank you.” He was thanking me for apologizing. 

   “Always.” I don't know how long we stood there holding each other in my front yard. It felt like hours to me. But all I know is that Brian's back into my life, and the only thing I fear is that history is going to repeat itself once more. 

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