Fated

Chapter Seventeen: Moving In

The sunlight streaming in through the thin hotel window is that kind of cold sunlight which is native to spring; the kind that brings with it the lingering chill of the finishing winter, but also a gentle warmth. I stir underneath its glow; curtains cracked open a little in the centre. 

9 a.m. My phone screen reads. I don't want to be awake. My eyes sting and my whole body feels heavy with exhaustion as I force myself up, arms pushing me from behind. Every part of my body is begging me to sleep more, but not yet. I need to progress. To keep moving and pushing onwards.   

Forcing my heavy body out of bed, I clamber into the warm, but jolting, embrace of the shower. The skin under my eyes feels raw and dry from crying, stinging as I rub my hand across my face under the warm water. How long will it feel like this? 

Slowly exiting the shower, I try hard not to let myself think. I don't want to cry again. Instead, I let my imagination take off–dissociating, creating wild and unrealistic scenarios. It's not the healthiest way to deal with things, but it's distracting. 

Once dressed, I drag myself down the hallway and into the canteen for breakfast. A small bowl of cereal and an unfortunate (but very necessary) cup of coffee later, I can feel some energy being injected into my system. Time to make a start. 

As I pace back to my hotel room, I find my mind returning to my home, to Curadh. The décor of this hotel is uncanny in resemblance to Curadh. I can’t express how deeply I already miss home... The musty scent of some of my father’s clothes, my mother’s smile, the way the world looked through my bedroom window... It’s all gone now.   

Is this really the will of the Goddess? Have I lived so wrong to deserve this? 

I come to a halt as I reach my door, my thoughts clouding my mind.    

Am I really being punished?    

I think for a moment.  

No... I don’t think that’s the case. Regardless of everything I’m enduring... I know in my heart that this cub is a gift. Anything is worth it for the future of my cub. All the pain I’m feeling, the aching, heavy pain-I will endure it all, for my cub.   I nod a heavy nod as I enter my room.  

However, looking in the mirror, I realise tears are streaming down my face.   

I will endure. 

By the time I am checking out of the hotel, an hour and a half has passed. Despite still being the morning, the fireplace in the downstairs lobby has already been lit. The smell of the wood and the coal smoking away comfort me deeply as I check out, almost convincing me to stay longer. 

I hope my apartment has a fireplace... 

Lugging my stuff behind me, I make my way down the street in the glittering morning sun. It isn’t too busy right now, which I’m grateful for.  

After a quick stop at the local tech store, I have a new sim card and can now use my phone again. Swiping through my phone, I find my screenshotted messages from last night, the apartment address lying among them. I input the address into maps and move on my way.  

The walk there is largely uneventful. Again, I try not to think too much about home or anything that’s happened. Instead, I try to focus my attention on my flatmate. I hope they’re nice. Honestly, the idea of moving in with a man I don’t know is kind of scary. I’m lucky I have my wolf, if anything went wrong. 

My mind stirs in these dark places for a while, like heavy, dark clouds are fogging my brain. However, as I pass an elderly couple, they give me a bright smile each and suddenly, the clouds inside me begin to break. A small smile forms on my face, and a light heat radiates in my heart. 

The rest of the walk is warm. Before I know it, I am outside the doors of the building. It’s a medium-sized apartment building – about three floors. There are probably six apartments in the building. 

But it looks nice. The building looks relatively new and surprisingly modern, adorned with large balconies and numerous windows. It’s on the outskirts of the town, close to some quaint shopping streets, but far from the business complex. 

It’s really nice. 

I reach my shaky hand up towards the buzzer for apartment six – Matthew Owens. My breathing becomes faster and shorter as I press the button...  

Why am I so anxious? 

I stand still for a couple of moments before I hear the heavy door open, it's pressure relieving. 

Okay...  

I suppose I was expecting him to meet me... or something. Maybe it’s better with less contact between us... 

The elevator upstairs is small, but I am definitely grateful for its existence as I lug my heavy body onboard. 

Please, let him just be bearable... 

The bar really isn’t very high. 

Please. 

I pray to the Goddess. 

After my brief elevator ride, I knock on the door, biting my lip as my nerves pile.  

Within a matter of seconds, the door opens lazily, revealing the body of a tall, strong-bodied man. 

Everything about his body is domineering.  

His face, while also strong and sharp, has a softness to it, a kindness, making him look younger than the rest of his body would suggest. 

Dark waves fall over his tan skin in a messy array... He’s very conventionally attractive. I would imagine that he’s very popular. 

Something about him feels oddly familiar... I could swear that I’ve seen him somewhere before... 

This train of thought has unfortunately, lasted a moment too long, and now an awkward tension lingers in the air. 

Matthew clears his throat, before reaching a hand out towards me. 

“Hi, you’re Claire, right? I’m Matthew. It’s nice to meet you." He gives me a small smile, as I shake his hand, his long shirt spilling into the handshake.  

“Yeah, I am. It’s nice to meet you too!” I grin at him. His expression is a little taken aback at my response, but he quickly regains composure, giving me the same small, friendly smile, he had before. 

“Uhh...” He begins, retracting his hand and turning to allow me to enter the apartment. “Let me show you around.” 

I nod and step inside, closing the door behind me and taking off my shoes as I get in.  

“So, it’s not huge or anything, but you have your own room and space. This is the kitchen; the living room is connected.” He leads me through the beautiful apartment. “Down this corridor are the bedrooms, yours is on the right. At the end of the corridor is the bathroom. It has a shower and a small bath, which is pretty nice...” 

He stops after we enter the bathroom, waiting for me to say something. 

“Wow.” I exhale. “It’s gorgeous.” My eyes meet his surprised gaze as another moment of silence passes. “Really, this is...” I breathe, “It’s amazing... But... The rent you’re charging me is...” 

“Oh, I’m sorry – is it too much?” His appearance is a little flustered. 

“No! No of course not! It’s so little – I don’t understand...” 

“Oh...” Matthew laughs softly, his body relaxing a little, “Well, let’s just say I got a good deal.” He smiles. 

“Wow... I just...” I turn around to look at the rest of the apartment, “It’s so nice... Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay here?” 

“Huh? Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t have offered it if I wasn’t okay with it.” 

Blood rushes to my cheeks at that, “Yeah... I suppose so...” 

“Also, about rules... I don’t have many rules or anything. I mean, I expect you to clean up after yourself, but otherwise I just need peace and quiet. I like to keep to myself.” His expression is a little sterner now.  

Note to self: Don’t bother Matthew. 

“Yeah, of course. I like to be alone too. I have a lot to do anyway, so you don’t need to worry. And I won’t bring people over or anything... You probably won’t really notice I’m here!” 

Matthew’s face visibly relaxes at my words. He must be really introverted... 

“I’m glad we can understand each other then. Otherwise, rent is due on the first of every month, so just give it to me at the start of next month... But that’s everything. If you have any questions uhm... let me know?" He scratches the back of his head, eliciting a small, stifled chuckle from me. 

I sense his discomfort and decide to relieve him, “Yeah, no that all sounds great! I guess I’ll go unpack now then, if that’s okay?” As expected, his body beams at my response. 

“Yeah, of course. You know where I am. Oh also, I left some information about the area on your desk. I know you’re not from here, so hopefully it will help.” 

My own expression shifts this time, to one of happy shock. How kind of him... 

“That’s so kind of you, thank you. I really, really appreciate all of this!” I beam gratefully at him. 

“Yeah... No problem...” He awkwardly retreats to his room after finishing, leaving me alone in my own room, just across from his.  

I hope I haven’t annoyed him... 

The rest of the day is spent in my new room, unpacking in between bouts of nausea. Once I’m done, my mostly empty room feels a little more my own, and I feel a little more comfortable.  

Something I’m very grateful for, is that the bed already had duvet covers on it – something I didn’t pack in my rush. 

I really lucked out with this apartment... 

Just as I go to relax under my new duvet in my new bed, I feel my stomach gnawing in hunger. Grabbing the leaflets Matthew left on my desk, I hop under the duvet and begin examining. There are more options than I thought, and I can feel myself salivating at the idea of each of them. 

Oh! I should see if Matthew wants anything, before I order. 

Sitting up so I can leave the room, the thought hits me that Matthew might appreciate it more if I texted him. Having already added his contact to my new sim card, I quickly send him a short text. 

‘Hey Matthew, this is Claire! I was about to order something for dinner and thought I would check if you wanted anything?’ 

Instead of just waiting for a reply, I peruse the menu’s some more, picking out a few dishes from each place that I like the sound of.  

Bzzz!  

My phone alerts. 

‘Hey Claire. Yeah, that would be nice, thanks. Where are you ordering from?’ 

Part of me is shocked that he agreed, but glad that he did. I want to do something to make it up to him. 

‘I’m not sure. Everything seems nice... How about pizza?’ 

‘Pizza sounds good. Could you please order me a pepperoni? Just plain, thanks. I can order for us instead, if you don’t want to.’ 

‘No, it’s fine! I’ll place the order now. I’ll leave it outside your room when it arrives ' 

‘Okay, thanks Claire.’ 

Matthew’s vibes are so weird...  

He’s very kind, of course, but I don’t see us ever being real friends. There’s something missing. He seems like a good flatmate and a good person, though, and I feel like I can trust him – as much as I need to, anyway.  

After placing the order, I take a nice warm bath - it will be an hour before food arrives anyway. There are some bath bombs and some bubble bath, which Matthew approved for my use (thankfully!). The bath is by the wall, under the slanted edge of the roof. A window sits right above it, low enough to see out of it while in the bath, but not enough to see in.  

I let myself soak, the window only slightly ajar, allowing in a cold breeze from outside. The starry sky above is totally clear of any clouds now, allowing me to bask in their radiance, and the glow of the moon above. 

The insurmountable pain that has resided in me these past few days still remains, but right now it’s tucked away under a blanket of positivity as I consider my future.  

Yes, I miss my family unbearably, but now I have an actual life, a future.  

After the smiling elderly couple today, and after meeting Matthew, I feel like maybe I’m not so cursed – maybe everyone doesn’t hate me. 

Yes, the pain is still there, and even now, in this bath I am crying because of it... But I don’t quite feel like I’m drowning. I don’t quite feel like it’s all impossible. 

Things will only get better from here. I’m in total control of my own life now. Soon, I’ll have a job, stable income... and my little cub will finally be with me.  

My face glows at that thought, a smile playing on my lips. 

Maybe I’m repressing everything that’s happened, maybe I’m not totally dealing with it right now... But I don’t care.  

Right now, I feel optimistic.  

I know I can do this, and I look forward to my future.