Beautiful Dreamer

Chapter 21

A few days had passed and I was adjusting to life at the place. I had not seen or heard from Zachariah who was now imprisoned, or King Cardwell who apparently did not have time for his wife who had returned. I was somewhat thankful as I was not eager to be in his presence once more. The servants who attended to me did not talk to me much other than to help me with basic necessities. They were tight lipped when I asked them any questions that pertained to anything outside my basic needs. I felt like a prisoner although I was free to roam the castle. My meals I had alone, other than then with the guards who kept a watchful eye on me. I knew that this could not go on forever though. One afternoon, while sitting in my chambers a servant girl came for me, she guided me to the King’s room. As I entered, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. My last encounter with him had not been pleasant and I did not have high hopes for this one as well. He was standing near a window looking out into the distance thoughtfully as I came in. I stood there silently waiting for him to turn around.

“My queen, forgive me for not speaking with you sooner. I have had several urgent matters to tend to as of late.” 

He turned to look at me now. His eyes pierced through me and shivers crawled up my spine. There was something truly menacing about him. I forced myself to nod in acceptance of his apology. I scanned the room that I had only been in once before hoping that I might find some quick evidence of where my memories might be stored. Cardwell smiled as if knowing what I was looking for and was sure that I would not find it.

“I feel that it is time we had a talk my dear wife.”

He motioned for me to sit down at a small table, and I sat down. He poured me what appeared to be wine into small silver goblet, encrusted with several small emeralds around the base. Cardwell picked up a matching one and poured himself a drink as well. He took a swig as if to prove to me that the drink was not poisoned. He eyed me intently and I politely took a little sip, knowing my tolerance and that I needed my wits about me.

“So, we should probably discuss how things are going to be going forward. Obviously, I cannot trust you anymore Analise. You ran off with Zachariah and whored yourself out to him. Very unbecoming of a queen. How do you think we should rectify this situation?”

I looked at him bewildered. Was he upset with me? I fidgeted nervously trying to think of how best to answer him.

“I do not think it is fair to judge me on my decisions made so far. My memories had been taken from me.” I said pointedly.

“So, you admit to sleeping with him?” He slammed his cup down furiously.

“I did not admit to anything. I was merely stating the fact that I have no real memories past Zachariah waking me up and taking me out of the castle. I think you should be able to understand how it would be hard for me to make any educated decisions based off of my lack of information. Perhaps if my memories were to be returned to me, I could make a more informed decision on things. Up until a couple of days I was unaware I was even a queen.”

Cardwell looked like he softened a bit. He put his hand on my leg and brought his chair closer to mine.

“You really do not remember anything?” He smiled.

I could tell this information pleased him. He wanted me vulnerable and without my memories I was, but I still had my powers. I could still defend myself a bit but it would not be enough to get through the several guards in the castle.

“I do not. Everything from my previous life is gone. All I have are dreams of people like you and Zachariah which have not even closely matched up to reality.”

“Well why don’t you tell me what you know and maybe I can fill in some blanks for you.”

He was rubbing my leg as if to reassure me but I knew better than that. I could tell he was not the type to care about that kind of thing. I stood up trying to get some distance from us now.

“A better idea would be if I was given my memories back. Where are they? I know you have them.”

 I lost my cool and was shouting now. He looked amused at my outburst.

“You can have a look around if you would like,” he said sounding sure I would find nothing.

I did not care if he had thought I was not going to find anything. I had to look around anyways. I searched high and low and finally I checked in a large dark colored armoire. Sitting at the bottom was a bag with little glass vials in it. I grabbed it and put it on the table. Eagerly searching through it. I pulled out one after another each one was empty. I looked back at Cardwell who was now laughing.

“Where are they?”

“I have them but if you want them you will have to ask nicely.” He licked his lips.

“May I please have my memories back.” I said through gritted teeth.

“I do not think that was nice enough.” Cardwell said closing the distance between us and placed his hands on my waist.

I knew what he was doing and what he wanted. I lifted my lips up to his just barely touching.

“May I please have them?” I asked whispering to him with each word my lips brushed up against his.

Cardwell crashed his lips hard upon mine to the point that if he was not holding by the waist I would have fallen to the ground. He bit my lip hard, I winced from the pain. I started to feel dizzy, and my vision became blurred. I closed my eyes and opened them back and the blurriness began to clear. Something was not right though. I looked around and I saw several people in pews and a long purple runner dividing the pews into sections. I quickly realized I was at a wedding. I looked down at my hands I had bouquet clenched between them and white gown that draped over my body, it flowed as I continued to walk down the aisle. I quickly realized that this was my wedding! I looked down at the end of the aisle and saw my soon to be husband, Cardwell. I tried to turn back and run but my body would not let me. I was just a passenger on this voyage and I now knew that this was a memory. My memory, it was not like when Zachariah showed me his. I knew it was mine because it was my own perspective.

Finally, I had reached the end of the aisle and I looked up at Cardwell. The feelings that welled up inside me felt differently from the ones I currently held for him. Instead of fear and rage, I now felt a closeness almost akin to love. That seemed impossible because as far as I knew Cardwell was bent on destroying me. How could I have such positive emotions tied to someone who felt nothing for me? I looked into his eyes now, the menacing look that I usually saw there was softer but also passionate. He looked like someone who might actually care for me. I then heard the priest pronounce us husband and wife. Cardwell kissed me sweet and lovingly as we were now bonded in matrimony. My vision began to blur again as I once again came back to the present. I looked up at my husband more confused than ever. He let go of me and walked back over to the table to get another drink.

“I do not understand.” I said quietly.

“What do you not understand? It is your memory after all.” 

“What happened to us? We seemed like we were happy.” 

“I suppose things change when someone betrays you.” He looked at me and it felt like daggers piercing through me.

I still did not understand though. He was being very vague and I needed to know more. I wanted all my memories back. Then maybe I could make sense of this mess.

“Where are the rest of my memories?”

“Inside me. I consumed each and every one of them. It was the only way I knew they would be truly safe from you. It is also my insurance policy so you do not try to kill me. If I die all of your memories will just disappear with me.”

My eyes widened; I could not believe the depths that this man would sink to. He was supposed to be my husband but all he wanted to do was control me. I had no intention of killing him to begin with but now it was not even an option. I just wanted my memories back and I knew he was holding them ransom.

“Are you ever going to give them back to me?” I asked feeling defeated.

“Of course, my love,” although the love part sounded condescending coming from his mouth.

“When?”

“When I feel you have earned them. You will be an obedient queen and do what you are told from now on. Do you understand?” 

I nodded.

“Good. Tomorrow you will sit by my side as my supportive wife. We are hearing complaints from our people. You will smile and be by my side as I deal with matters. I will have the servants come get you in the morning.”

“Ok.”

“You may leave now.”

I left and could barely breathe. I felt completely powerless. Trapped in a loveless marriage with a man who absolutely despised me and now had complete control over me. I would do as he said for now and in time, I might have all the pieces I would need to be whole again.