POSER

POSER: Chapter 3: f*******: Profile

CHAPTER 3: THE POSER PROFILE

After a few minutes of checking my f*******: account, I politely greeted Jason out of nowhere. We're not friends though we're neighbors for years now. Just to share with you, the reason why I don't have friends even childhood friends at our neighborhood was because we moved here from another city after I graduated from primary level. Since, I'm really introvert and doesn't really like to talk, I never had a chance to interact with our neightbors with my same age.

"Hi, Jason, right?"

"Hi, yes, and you're?" He asked.

"Nick. Amm.. where actually neighbors." I answered.

"Right, but I don't see you outside that much."

"Yeah. I guess, I'm kinda shy or nervous?" I answered.

"Shy? Nervous of what?" He asked with some confusion.

"I'm not really confident of talking to people like this as I feel that people will reject me or will never want me as a friend. You're actually the first person whom I ever talk with in this neihborhood so, I'm glad you answered, hehe." I answered.

"Of course. I guess, I'm just a friendly person that's why I have a lot of friends. Anyway, you should interact with other people around here, I'm telling you, we are all friendly." He politely answered with a smile.

Jason is actually cute. He's a typical gay you'll ever find in a neighborhood who's friendly and easy to talk with.

"Amm.. I'm just wondering who's profile are you using as I secretly sneaked earlier while you're chatting with someone."

*A MOMENT OF SILENT*

He wasn't answered me for a few minutes as if he didn't heard me. I know it's none of my business but since I'm really curious, I asked him anyway. He continue chatting with someone and I continue checking my f*******: account until..

"It's mine.."

"Huh?" I asked as I didn't understand what he just said.

"This f*******: account is mine." He answered

"How come it's yours? I mean the profile picture is someone else's face and you're not Celine, aren't you?"

[Sigh]

"I'm going to tell you but please keep it secret to anyone, clear?"

"Clear." I answered.

"Okay. It's like this. I'm gay, and I'm sure you know that in this world, no one will ever love us. So, I created this f*******: account took a picture of my friend and uses a different name so I can freely chat with good looking guys out here." He explained.

I was kinda shocked knowing that. Would that be even possible that you can use someone else's photo and create a f*******: account with a different name on it? How in the hell that's possible?

I never imagined someone doing this kind of unusual thing. I know he's gay and he might be right that when you're gay no one will ever love you but, doing this should never be an option. This is insane, he is insane.

"Okay..? Did your friend knows tha you're using her picture on your f*******: profile?" I asked.

"No."

"No..? What do you mean? You didn't get her permission to use her photo?" I curiously asked.

"There's no need for me to tell her as I know that she will never agree plus, I already blocked her on my friends list anyway so, she will never find this out." He explained.

"What!? What if she founds out like somone else told her? What are you going to do?" I curiously asked again.

"There's no way that she will ever find it out because first, she's from the province and second, we don't have a mutual friend so, the only way that she will ever finds it is when you tell her which I doubt since you don't actuallly knows her anyway." He further explained.

"Does anyone else knows this?" I asked.

"No. Honestly, you're the first person I ever shared this with so you better shut your mouth and make this as a secret or I will break your limb." He answered while smiling.

I was shookt after hearing what he just said.

"Kidding--"

"Huh?" I asked with confusion as I didn't understand what he meant.

"I'm just kidding. Of course, I'm not going to break your limb but I want you to make a promise that you will never tell this to anyone. This should be remain secret between the two of us. Can I count on you?"

I didn't answered while staring at him as I don't know what to say. I'm still kinda shocked that he did this for his own desire.

"Hey.. are you listening?" He asked.

"H-huh?"

"I said, can I count on you?"

"Y-yes--" I answered just to get away from our topic but deep inside, I don't really want to agree as this isn't right.

I mean, I know it's none of my business but this is really wrong. Using someone else's picture without letting them know and creating a f*******: account with a different name and profile just to find someone to love you is bad, really bad.

What if something terribly bad happened like a criminal incident involving that person, she might be put to jail. Okay, I was overthinking and imagining things again. But again, this isn't right. I want to tell him my opinion or feedback as I'm totally against on what he's doing but I'm not in the right position to do it and again, it's none of my business so I guess I should just get out of it anyway.

After an hour, I logged out on the PC I rented and gets out of the internet cafe while Jason is still chatting with someone on his f*******: account. I felt really bad to that person who Jason was chatting with as he might be thinking that he's chatting with that girl but behind that profile picture is a different person.

[SIGH]

I went back home as it was already 6:30 in the evening.

*SLEEPING TIME*

It was a cold midnight at around 1 yet, I still wasn't able to fall asleep. I'm still remembering the poser thing with Jason and I can't get over it until I somehow imagined what if I create a new f*******: account with a different name and use a different profile picture just like what Jason did?

I know it is a terrible idea and it's totally wrong but, knowing that Jason now have a boyfriend whom he can chat with, calling it "baby", I guess it's the only way also for me to finally have someone who can love me even though I know for a fact that it isn't right.

Ugh!! What am I doing? I'm luring myself to do something bad for my own desire? This isn't me. I should get over it.

I tried to sleep but for some reason, I still can't. Ugh!! What is happening to me? I know we don't have classes tomorrow since it's weekend - our rest day but, I should still already slept by now. I tried to get over about the poser thing but I really can't get over it.

What if I really created a new f*******: account and someone else's photo and chats on people whom I had a huge crush on like Justin, Jules and Elvin? Will they fell in love with me? But who's picture am I going to use? Sarah (my cousin who migrated to Canada)? But what if she founds out? She will definitely get mad at me, for sure.

*FLASHBACK*

"There's no need for me to tell her as I know that she will never agree plus, I already blocked her on my friends list anyway so, she will never find this out." He explained.

"What!? What if she founds out like someone told her? What are you going to do?" I curiously asked again.

"There's no way that she will ever find it out because first, she's from the province and second, we don't have a mutual friend so, the only way that she will ever finds it is when you tell her which I doubt since you don't actuallly knows her anyway."

*BACK TO REALITY*

If I ever use Sarah's photo, I should definitely blocked her and our mutual friends on my friends list so no one could ever finds out that I'm using it. Wait.. this is a new account that I will create so, I think I don't need to do that as long as I don't add anyone who knows her on my friends list. Okay. I hope she wouldn't finds out.

I continue imagining the poser setup that I'm planning and I'm going to start it tomorrow. I also imagined what if I chatted Justin and Jules and Elvin and they did replied back and eventually fell in love with me? That would be the most romantic time that I will ever experience. I just hope that they fell in love with me (I giggled in silence).

After a few minutes of imagining things, I finally fell asleep.

FINALLY!!

I woke up in a lovely and sunny Saturday. I feel refreshed and motivated. Motivated in doing something bad but on a positive note, it will also start a huge change in my life. I know, the idea of creating a f*******: profile with a different name and using someone else's picture is terribly bad but, if this is the only answer in getting one of my dreams to be loved by someone, I guess I should take the risk.

After eating my brunch as I woke up at around 11 in the early afternoon, I immediately asks my mom to give me some money so I can do my research paper even though, there's really no research paper. This is the only way to get money that I can use to rent a PC on the internet cafe. I'm sorry mom if I had to lie to you just to do this craziest idea.

My mom gave me the money I asks and quickly go to the intetnet cafe and luckily, no one else's rented yet as most people especially those playing the online games normally drop by at around 3 in the afternoon, I'm the first one rented that day. There are 10 PC station you could rent on this internet cafe and I chose to rent the one located on the most darkest part of the room so no one could ever sneak to check what I'm doing.

I started by playing a k-pop song "Hot Issue by 4-minute" on Youtube and listened to it. Then, I opened f*******: and clicked "Register" so I can start creating a new account. After I filled out all the necessary information it needs to register, I finally click "Submit". However, unfortunately, I got an error message stating that the email address I used was already been taken or something like that.

Then, I remember that I already used that email address on my main f*******: account. Okay? So, I can no longer use the same email that I previously use to register? WTF!! Okay.. that's fine. I still have 2 more email addresses to use anyway. I don't really know why in the hell I have 3 emails when I don't really use them.

After getting that error message, I tried entering my second email address and submit it but unfortunately, I also receive the same error message. Huh? Okay.. maybe I just mistyped it, let me try it again. I re-typed it and submitted but again, I still got the same error message. This is insane!! Why in the hell the second email won't work? Okay.. let me try to use my third email. I'm pretty sure, this one will work this time. After hitting the submit button.. for the nth time, I still got the same error message that the email address has already been taken or something.

[Punches the keyboard sound]

"HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?!" The internet cafe owner shouted as she heard me punches the keyboard as I got really mad of this f*******: policy on email addresses.

"It's nothing, sorry." I apologized and smiled back at her.

Damn'it! What's with this f*******: policy? And why in the hell my 3 email addresses was already been taken? By whom? I only use 1 f*******: account and the email address that I registered there was the first one I typed-in. This is insane! I knew I shouldn't do this anyway.

Then I realize that I have 3 f*******: accounts in which 2 of those are no longer in use as I forgot the passwords on those accounts. I'm really bad on remembering my password to be honest that's why the password that I created on my current f*******: account was my birthdate so there's no way that I can forget that.

What am I going to do? Do I need to create another email account? Hmm.. okay, let me create a new one then. I quickly search yahoo mail to create a new one and then I fill out all the necessary information needed to register until I got an error, again. How lucky am I? The error message states that the phone number I typed in has already been registered or something. So, now it's my phone number? WTH!! I'm tired of this sh*t, I should give up now. I hate this idea! Damn'it!

After getting a lot of errors, I finally gave up. Maybe god did this so I don't put myself in a bad situation if something bad happens in the future. Right, this is god's will. Thank you lord from saving me by doing something bad.

After an hour of doing nothing on my f*******: account, I logged out and went back home.

I knew this won't work. I should just listened on my consience. Damn'it! I did lied to my mom just to do this terrible idea and yet, nothing happened. What a great news, wasn't it?

"NICK!"

Someone called and shouted my name from the back and found out that it was Jason. He walks towards me and asked..

"Where are you heading to?"

"Ah.. I'm going back home." I answered and smiled at him.

"Come with me, I'll introduce you to my friends." He said and asked me to follow him.

"Are you sure? They might doesn't like me." I answered.

"Don't worry, I already told them about you and they already agreed to finally meet you. They told me that they actually wanted to approach you for years but it seems that whenever they're about to walk towards you, you're always walking away." He explained as we started walking.

"Yes, because I don't know what to say or on how to approach them. I told you, I'm really not confident in talking with anyone especially when I just recently met them."

"Again, you don't have to worry. Just relax and be yourself. I'm sure they would like you and there's no harm in trying anyway." He further explained as we are walking towards his friend's place.

"Okay.. I guess you're right." I replied.

Honestly, I'm really nervous that day as I'm afraid of rejection. Even now (as of this writing), I'm still afraid of rejection. That might be the reason why I'm still single after I and my ex-boyfriend broke up back in 2017. But unlike before, I'm already outgoing and somehow extrovert where I normally interacts to people now and I have a lot of friends that I really treasures a lot.

We finally arrived at Jason's friend's place and he knocked on the door. I heard a lot of girls voices inside and that makes me very nervous and you'll definitely see me nervous when I'm too sweaty and right now, I'm telling you, I have immense sweat around my face. I immediately wipe it before someone opens the door so I can look somewhat presentable and I tried to calm myself.

"Hi, can we get inside?" Jason asked tha girl who opens the door.

"Sure. Get inside." The girl invitingly replied.

We get inside where I saw 3 girls in which one of them is playing rap music on her phone.

"So.. guys.. this is Nick and Nick.. this is Frances, this is her sister - Angel and this one here is Ashley."

Jason started to introduce his friends to me. Oh my god! They're really looks so nice. I can't tell that they're that beautiful but if you're going to compare their faces to mine, I can say that theirs are too much better than mine, really. Like Frances is tall, about 5'7 and her skin looks so soft and pinkish white while her sister Angel has a face of a real angel. I can say that Angel is the most beautiful amongst them and Ashley has a milky white skin color but her teeth has some gaps on it but again, they're too much better than me.

Just a disclaimer, I'm not being judgemental about their looks, I'm just describing them so you can imagine what does they looks like while you're reading this story and I'm kinda bad in describing people's appearances, to be honest.

"Hi Nick! How are you?" They asked.

"I-I'm f-fine, hehe." I replied.

"We're glad we've finally meet you. We actually tried to approached you multiple times whenever we sees you sitting on a bench in front of your apartment but whenever we're walking towards you, you always walks away for some reason." Frances said.

"Y-yeah.. s-sorry.. I-I'm j-just kinda nervous that time." I replied stuttering as I was really nervous for some unknown reason.

"Haha.. why are you talking like that? Are you having a hard time to talk?" Angel laugh and asked me.

"Hey, you don't need to feel nervous when talking to people you just recently met. We're just a normal people. There's no need to be nervous at all." Frances encouraging statement.

I tried calming myself and started talking and god, finally, I no longer feels nervous and I'm now confident in talking to them. We've shared a lot of basic information about us and moment we experienced in the past. It's truly a great experience to be part of this circle of friends. I'm glad I approached Jason back in the internet cafe. My curiousity about something gives way for me to finally have a friend.

*AFTER A FEW DAYS*

It was Wednesday in the afternoon when I'm trying to clean my bag as it has a lot of mess and paper trash inside. I took my books and notebooks out of my backpack so I can clean it. God, it has a lot of trash in it. I remove all the trash inside of it and I was about to put everything on the trashbag when I saw a piece of paper with the word "password" written on it.

I unfolded the piece of paper and saw a login credential including the username and password. I finally realized that I wrote this down last year so I don't forget my password on my f*******: account as I'm terribly bad in remember it. It was my password from my old account that I no longer has access on.

After seeing that piece of paper with my login credentials on it, I remember the poser account idea that I tried doing last Saturday that didn't work due to some error messages. I asked myself, is this a sign? Is this the sign that I should continue that idea? Yes, it's terribly bad but for some reason, I think destiny is trying to make it happen.

After carefully thinking whether I will try it again or not, I finally decided to continue. I quickly rushes to the internet cafe, it was already 6 in the afternoon and luckily, there are only a few people renting on it. Those noisy people who loves playing online games wasn't there and surprisingly the same spot I rented last Saturday is available and no one was also sitting beside it. I immediately rented a PC and tries to log-in using that credential and finally, it works.

I can now start the plan.

[EVIL SMILE]

Now, what do I need to do? I need to change my name, my profile picture and I need to block some friends as what Jason told me before. I goes to f*******: profile settings and change my name to "Hannah Nicole Louirevielle".

If you're going to ask me where did I get this "Louirevielle" last name, this came from french words "Loire" which means river, if I'm not mistaken and "Vielle" which means old or vintage. Then, I searched my cousin Sarah's profile and took few good photos of her and saved it on my profile.

Just to share, I don't have my own photos on this f*******: account as I'm not confident in taking pictures of me. The only pictures saved on this account are only k-pop groups photos, some anime photos like "Fushigi-Yuugi" (my favorite), "Card Captor Sakura" and some k-drama photos from a series that I'm watching back then which was "Queen Seon-Deok". That's everything. So, I don't have to remove anything.

After that, I now blocked my cousin Sarah on my friends list and our mutual friends so no one could ever find this out. Now that I'm done creating a new profile, I searched profiles of all my crushes at school and sent them a friend request. I also sent them a message saying "Hi." I hope they replied back.

TO BE CONTINUE...