4|AKI
1648 Words
“So,” she began, “I've been doing research.”
“Research?” I scoffed. You spent the last two days trying to dye your wolf mount neon pink. I saw the guild chat logs. The entire server saw the guild chat logs.”
“Details, details!” she waved a dismissive digital hand. “This is important research. I discovered… a loophole!”
A loophole. In Caverns of Forgotten dungeon. My mind immediately conjured images of Sashi trying to exploit a glitch by spamming emotes at the boss.
“And this ‘loophole’ involves?” I prompted, bracing myself.
“Well,” she leaned in conspiratorially, her avatar’s face practically pressing against my screen. “It's all about the timing of the boss's attacks! Apparently, if you can perfectly time your dodges, you can avoid most of its devastating blows. And that's where I come in!”
I stared at the screen, a slow, dawning realization washing over me. This wasn't just Sashi being her usual, impetuous self. This was Sashi, the perpetually underprepared, the queen of “winging it,” the woman who once tried to solo a raid boss by throwing rotten apples at it, genuinely believing it might work, being utterly, hilariously, and pathetically desperate.
“And your role in this perfectly timed dodge-fest is… what, exactly?” I asked, my voice dripping with skepticism.
“I will be the bait!” she declared, puffing out her chest. “I'll draw its attention, and while it's busy trying to smush me into a fine powder, you can unleash your devastating EmberSythe attacks!”
I actually snorted. “You want to be the bait for a boss that one-shots players who aren't at least five levels higher than you, and who has the reflexes of a startled cat? Sashimimi, you're not bait. You're a sacrificial lamb. A very, very undercooked sacrificial lamb.”
“But I have the potion!” she insisted, holding up the glowing blue vial again. “This is a super-rare, top-tier HP restore! It’ll totally keep me alive!”
“That potion is meant for emergencies,” I pointed out, my patience fraying. “Not as a crutch for your suicidal tendencies. And even if it did keep you alive, what about the rest of your HP? You go down in two hits. This boss has a ‘devour all souls’ move that takes approximately 0.02 seconds to execute.”
“Okay, so maybe my HP bar is a little… delicate,” she admitted, her hair losing more of its defiant bounce. My inner chihuahua-detecting senses were going into overdrive. It was like her avatar was emitting tiny, high-pitched yips of desperation.
“Delicate?” I repeated, the word tasting like ash in my mouth. “Sashi, your HP bar is thinner than a single strand of spaghetti. You're not delicate, you're… you're practically translucent.”
She slumped her shoulders. “But… but I really wanted to try this dungeon. And I thought… you're so good at this game, Ember-san. I thought maybe you could… you know… carry me?”
And there it was. The raw, unadulterated plea. The confession of her utter, unadulterated inadequacies. It wasn't just about the loot or the glory anymore. It was about her wanting to try something new, something challenging, and being so utterly terrified of failing that she was willing to risk being obliterated by a virtual dragon. It was… almost pitiable.
I actually felt a pang of something akin to sympathy. Almost. It was quickly replaced by the overwhelming urge to bang my head against my keyboard.
“Carry you?” I echoed, a slow, wicked grin spreading across my face. “I don't carry people. I obliterate challenges. And you, you are currently presenting yourself as a major challenge to my sanity.”
Her avatar's eyes widened, her mouth forming a perfect 'O'. “So… you won't?”
“Oh, I will,” I corrected, leaning back in my chair. “But not because you're begging. Not because you've stolen potions. But because I've decided this is going to be the most entertaining display of your ineptitude I've ever witnessed.”
Her avatar straightened up, a spark of hope flickering in her digital eyes. “Really? You mean it?”
“I mean it,” I confirmed, my voice laced with a playful menace. “But here's the deal. You follow my instructions to the letter. No improvising. No ‘brilliant’ ideas that involve throwing your virtual hat at the boss. You do exactly as I say, when I say it. And if you die more than three times, I'm logging off and leaving you to the tender mercies of Dread Revenant.”
Her avatar practically vibrated with excitement. “Yes! Yes, I promise! I'll be good! I'll be the bestest, most obedient follower you've ever had!”
“Don't push it,” I warned, though a small smile played on my lips. This was going to be good. Sashi, had finally found her master. And my master, apparently, was a sadistic gamer with way too much free time and a penchant for cruel amusement.
“Alright, Sashi,” I said, my fingers flying across the keyboard. “First things first. You need to upgrade your boots. Those things look like they're made of cardboard. And for the love of all that is holy, stop spinning. You're making me dizzy.”
She immediately stopped spinning, though her avatar still seemed to be radiating an almost palpable aura of fidgety anticipation. “Boots! Right! Got it! Anything else, Ember-san?”
“Yes,” I replied, my gaze fixed on the dungeon entrance advertisement flashing on my screen. “You're going to try and learn how to actually aim your bow. We'll start with that large, stationary target over there. Try not to hit yourself.”
Her avatar turned towards the target range, her bow held at a comically awkward angle. I could already imagine the sheer terror in her eyes as she attempted to land even a single, solitary arrow on the bullseye. This was going to be glorious. The Devourer of Dreams could wait. The real entertainment was about to begin. And for the first time that day, I actually felt a genuine smile tug at my lips, not one of polite amusement, but one of wicked anticipation. This chihuahua was about to learn some new tricks.
The Caverns of the Forgotten were exactly as cheerful as they sounded—dark, damp, and filled with the kind of monsters that made even my character hesitate. The air was thick with the virtual stench of decay, the only light coming from the glowing mushrooms clinging to the walls.
And then there was Sashi.
Who was currently singing.
“La-la-la, we’re gonna die today!”
[EmberSythe]: Stop that.
[Sashimimi]: But it’s my motivational song!
[EmberSythe]: It’s annoying.
[Sashimimi]: But you said you liked to die HAHAHAHAHA. She huffed, then suddenly gasped.
[Sashimimi]: Oh! Oh! A monster!
A Cave Stalker—a hulking, spider-like creature with too many eyes—lunged at us from the shadows.
Sashi screamed.
Then she tripped.
Then she accidentally shot an arrow—
—directly into my arm.
[EmberSythe]: WHAT THE HELL—?
[Sashimimi]: I’M SORRY! She flailed, trying to nock another arrow, but her foot slipped on a rock and she faceplanted into the dirt.
[Sashimimi]: I MEANT TO HIT THE SPIDER!
The Cave Stalker, now very confused, paused mid-lunge to stare at her. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and stabbed it in the face with the edge of my scythe.
[EmberSythe]: You’re useless.
[Sashimimi]: But I’m adorable!
[EmberSythe]: That doesn’t help.
[Sashimimi]: It should!
We made it to the boss room somehow. (Somehow.)
The Dread Revenant, a towering skeletal warrior wreathed in purple flames, loomed over us, its hollow eyes glowing with malice.
[Sashimimi]: Okay! Okay, I got this! I’ll heal you, you tank, we’ll—
[EmberSythe]: Sashi.
[Sashimimi]: Yes?
[EmberSythe]: Don’t heal the boss.
[Sashimimi]: What? Why would I—OH.
Too late.
A Mass Restore spell erupted from her hands, bathing the Revenant in golden light. Its health bar, which had been at 10%, suddenly refilled.
[Sashimimi]: …Oops?
The Revenant roared, its flaming sword swinging toward me as it activated its ability.
I barely dodged, rolling to the side as my scythe held ever so protectively in front of me.
[EmberSythe]: SASHI.
[Sashimimi]: I PANICKED, OKAY?!
[EmberSythe]: You always panic!
[Sashimimi]: But I panic for you!
Suprisingly, I had no comeback for that.
Because she did.
She always panicked for me.
And somehow, that made it worse.
We somehow managed to kill the boss. (Mostly because I carried her the entire fight while she screamed encouragement from the sidelines.)
“GO GO GO EMBER-SAN!”
“YOU CAN DO IT! EVEN IF YOU CAN’T—YOU STILL MUST.”
And mostly spam emotes.
By the time we stumbled out of the dungeon, Sashi was beaming, her arms thrown around my avatar in a hug. I didn’t pull away.
[Sashimimi]: WE DID IT! ♡ WE’RE INVINCIBLE!
[EmberSythe]: We almost died three times.
[Sashimimi]: But we didn’t! That’s what counts!
I opened my mouth to argue—
Then stopped.
Because she was right.
We hadn’t died.
And for the first time in forever, I hadn’t been alone.
[EmberSythe]: …Yeah. We did.
She pulled back, her emerald eyes shining. I shook my head, but I couldn’t stop the corner of my mouth from twitching in real life.
[Sashimimi]: Are you smiling right now?
I froze. I could feel a chill run down my spine the moment I re-read her question.
Was I? How did…
Must have been a coincidence.
[EmberSythe]: No, I’m not.
[Sashimimi]: You totally are! She grinned.
[Sashimimi]: Liar.
[EmberSythe]: Must have been your imagination.
[Sashimimi]: Heh:33
Damn it.
- Writer
