Mr. Average

Lola and Zoi become top secret spies.

"Code yellow, zero nine nine. Specimen is on the move."

"Lola, what on Earth are you doing?"

Lola jumped, spinning around to face me. "Greetings, pedestrian," She greeted. "I would love to converse, but I am doing top-secret spy stuff with with my colleague."

"Colleague?!" Cried the walky talky in her hand, Lola jumped again. She brought the walky talky to her ear, muttering something inaudible.

The person on the other end, Zoi, probably, sounding mad that Lola had called her a 'colleague'.

Lola sighed, sliding the walky talky in her pocket. "My apologies, pedestrian. I am doing top-secret spy stuff with my bestest friend in the universe. I apologize for the most embarrassing mess-up."

I nodded, "Mhm, and what, exactly, is this 'top-secret spy stuff'?"

Lola hesitated, "Classified."

I scoffed, "Excuse me?"

Lola ignored me, hissing something into her walkey talky and held up her binoculars to her face, examining something in the lunch room.

I followed the gaze of the binoculars, they were pointed at someone in the lunch roo--

Scott.

Lola and Zoi were stalking Scott.

"My god, you two are idiots!" I snarled, smacking the binoculars down.

"Hey!" Lola protested, leaning over to pick them up, revealing a notebook tucked in her backpack.

"Oh, Lola, why are you stalking the new kid?" I mumbled, plucking out the notebook and flipping through it.

Each page documented his every move, in an extremely vauge manner.

"Specimen moved left."

"Specimen took a sip on a can."

"...A can of evil."

I groaned, tossing the notebook back at her. "Lola, why the hell are you stalking Scott?"

"Victoria said--"

"I don't care what Victoria said!" I snapped, almost instantly feeling bad about it. "First off, he's in your LC, why do you need to watch him from afar?" In fact, he's probably very lonely right now.

Lola opened her mouth, but no words came out.

I sighed, "Second, why do you feel the need to stalk him?"

"Because Victoria said that he was up to something involving the racist cheerleaders!" Rang the walkey talky.

"Zoi, hush!! We're top-secret spies! We're doing top-secret spy stuff!" Lola hissed, smacking the walkey talky off.

I rolled my eyes, "I know he's up to something with those cheerleaders, Lola." I breathed, rubbing my face. "That doesn't mean you stalk him! Whatever it is, he's not going to lay out blue prints or devilishly laugh out loud!"

Lola groaned, "But being top-secret spies and doing top-secret spy stuff is so much fun, Joel!"

I ignored her, "I'm going to go talk to him," I declared. "I don't realize why you left him alone, either! But, hey, if you're not going to tell me one thing, you're not going to tell me two things, and if you're not going do to that you'll tell me f*****g NOTHING!!"

Lola shrunk back against the wall, and once again I felt douchey for yelling at her.

Despite that, I walked into the cafeteria and halted by Scott's table.

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

Scott jumped, startled. "Oh, what? I-- yeah-- no. Sit." He sighed, scooting over. I sat across from him, so that was probably useless.

Scott cleared his throat, "Sorry 'bout that, wasn't expecting company," He explained, "It's been one of those days. I don't know where the rest of my table is..."

"Stalking you."

"What?"

I shook my head, "Nothing."

We sat in an awkward silence for a moment, the quiet thick and uncomfortable.

Scott pulled up a soda can to his lips and bit the edge of it, leaving it there.

"What are you doing?" I chuckled, watching him.

Scott tilted his head back, pouring the soda down his mouth.

I stifled laughter, "That's impressive."

Scott chuckled, setting the can down. "It's my one and only talent!"

Laughter bubbled out of my mouth, "I doubt that."

We laughed for a few moments, until I noticed the hackneyed stares coming from my LC.

I looked at them from the corner of my eye, they were all staring at me, jaws slack.

What? I mouthed to them.

The hell are you doing? Victoria mouthed back.

Talking to the new kid.

WELL, CLEARLY!!

Are you mad?

I'm confused. Is this about the racist cheerleaders?

I was literally in awe about how good we were at this. Is lip-reading an olympic thing?

No... Not really. Kinda?

She waited for a better answer.

He just seemed lonely. I'm gonna try to ask him about the racist cheerleaders.

What?

Damn, our winning streak was over.

I mouthed the words again, but Vic continued to be at a loss.

"Ugh," I grunted, "I'll tell you later!"

"What?" Scott crammed in.

I jumped, forgetting about graceful silence. Crap.

"Nothing. I was... um... nothing."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah," I sighed, "Super."

We sat in quiet for a few more moments.

"So, I'm just gonna be honest here," I sighed, "I'm really curious about what you're going to do with the whole 'racist cheerleader' thing."

Scott chuckled, his expression unreadable. "Well, is that what brought us to sit together on this greasy bench?"

Guilt crawled at my throat, I knew I had not chosen my words correctly. "No, I'm just--"

"Joel," Scott raised his hands. "I'm teasing you."

I felt relieved as I heaved out a sigh.

"It's a-coming." Scott replied, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"Can you give me a hint?" I asked, holding my head in my hands.

"Hm..." Scott tapped his chin in thought, "No blood will be shed." He thought back on his words. "Well, hopefully. It depends on my aim."

"What?!"

"And the cheerleaders' rage, of course."

I glared at him, what the hell was he cooking up?

He merely offered me a grin, repeating the soda can trick. I couldn't hold back a giggle, which only encouraged him.

"I'm very talented," Scott shrugged.

_~_~_

"I'm home!!" I yelled into the dark house, listening for Adonis' hearty laughter. I was greeted by a more nasally tone of laugh; I racked my brain to identify it.

I set my keys down, listening at the laughter as Lydia's footsteps padded up to me.

"Joel!"

"Hey, kiddo." I sigh, swiping my thin hair out of my eyes. "Who's Finn got over?"

"Someone knew!" Lydia beamed, "His name is Neil! Neil Faire."

Faire. That last name sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on where I'd heard it.

I put my hand on Lydia's back, "Well, let's go say hello."

"Okay!"

Lydia and I waltzed over to the door and knocked. Finn swung it open, dismay on his face.

"Hey, family." Finn groaned, embarrassed to see us.

I scoff, "Nice to see you too, Finn. I hear there's someone new over?"

"Yeah," Finn didn't budge. "So?"

"So, I wanna say high and embarrass the crap out of you. Move."

Finn sighed, moving over just so that Lydia and I had room to wiggle in.

When we barged in, I was greeted with the familiar choppy brown hair and pale skin.

"You're Scott's brother!"

"Nice to meet you, too." The guy, Neil, said. Getting up and extending a hand for me to shake.

I shook his hand, surprised at how strong his grip was.

"I'm Joel. Your brother goes to school with me."

"Ah," Neil nodded, "Always nice to meet one of my brother's friends."

I chuckled, "Ditto."

A sudden thought came to me. "Do you follow Scott's social activity?"

"Eh, more or less."

"Has he brought up any topic of racist cheerleaders?"

Neil thought about this, tapping his chin just like Scott. "Sounds familiar, why?"

"I think he's planning something and I don't want anyone to get hurt," I sighed.

"Well," Neil crossed his arms, "He asked my mother for a stick of butter, because of a 'school project'," Neil did air quotes around "school project". "I found a receipt for colored contact lenses in his room, and he bought 4 movie tickets for next week."

Butter, colored contact lenses, and movie tickets. That was... fishy.

"But let me tell you, Joel, Scott is harmless." Neil chuckled, "He tried to yell at a squirrel to get off our lawn once and he ended up apologizing to it."

I laughed, Scott's a softy. What a shock.

"Joel, can I talk to you, please?" Finn put his hand on my arm.

I glared at him, "Uh, sure, Finn."

Finn led me outside, closing the door behind him.

"I don't want to sound like an ass," He began, "But can you not talk to Neil?"

I did a double take, "Excuse me?"

Finn remained there, expecting an answer.

"I didn't do anything wrong, Finn. I was just asking him about his brother."

"Yeah, well maybe you should have friends you're own age."

I raised my eyebrows, "The only friend of yours that even, freaking, knows I exist is Adonis!"

"Exactly!"

I sighed, finally seeing what this is about.

"Really, Finn? You think all of your friends are going to fall in love with me even if we only talk about their damn brother."

"Stranger things have happened, Joel!!"

"Do you honestly think I'm some sort of seductive hag?!" I demanded, rage building up inside of me.

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised!!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"NOTHING!!!!" Finn shouted, shoving me away. "It doesn't mean anything!! Nothing I say matters, does it Joel?!"

"Oh, go f**k YOURSELF," I screamed at him, shoving him back, harder.

"f**k!" I heard a tiny echo.

My gaze shot down and met Lydia's. Pleasant as always.

She repeated the word over and over again, suddenly making it a song.

Great, Finn has gotten us into another disaster.

Of course he did, what else is he good for?