Fall of the Luna (completed)

Wake-up Call

Finn’s POV

              We’ve been searching for Kayla for over two years to no avail. My wolf has all but stopped talking to me after that mutt delivered the bloody umbilical cord belonging to my pup in the first few months after Kayla was kidnapped. To rule out any foul play from that mutt, knowing how devious he was, Reena had done a DNA test despite my wolf recognizing the smell of his own pup. The test results shattered any last bit of hope in our hearts but it was the shock of not realizing that Kayla was carrying our pup and failing both of them that finally sent my wolf into depression. Since that day, I’ve been barely able to function, let alone carry out my Alpha duties. Not a moment goes by where I’m not thinking about my mate and how I’ve lost her. Sometimes, I question if I had done one single thing in the chain of events differently, would it have changed the results? Other times, I question if I’m simply a failure and unfit to be someone’s mate, Alpha and father.

              This morning, I was awakened again by the same nightmare that I’ve been having almost every night since Kayla has been kidnapped. The last look that she gave me before she was shot and pulled into the river by that mutt haunted me. I’ve never seen so much hurt, pain and hatred in her eyes before, in fact, I’ve never seen hatred in her eyes before towards anyone. How deeply hurt she must have been to be driven to go against her forgiving and understanding nature to hate someone? Tears filled my eyes as I realize once again that even if I find my mate back, she hates me. At the same time, I’d rather that she hates me but is safe and alive, and with her family here than any other possibilities. Ever since that night when I’ve felt the unbearable pain burning my body, I haven’t been able to feel Kayla or reach out to her wolf. I won’t deny that parts of me have given up and succumbed to the need for some finality, to just have an answer so that I can mourn and maybe, just maybe, stop feeling so devastated every day. This part of me made me feel ashamed and guilty and I’ve had to bury it away in the deepest and darkest recesses of my soul. Letting myself believe that Kayla has gone back to the Moon Goddess to join her parents made me feel like I was betraying her a second time and I couldn’t allow that. I had sworn to Leyton that I would spare no resources in trying to find her until I’ve found her, and I’ve sworn to the Moon Goddess that I’d do anything to earn my mate’s forgiveness when I’ve found her.

              To keep the dark thoughts and my weakness at bay, I’ve been pushing myself to handle at least some of the Alpha duties which ensures what Kayla has done for our Pack doesn’t go down the drain. Most of the day-to-day tasks are now done by my Gamma, Osmond, while Leyton has taken on the most important task of searching for Kayla without alerting the Werewolf Council and rival packs. Today is the anniversary of our Pack orphanage’s founding and also the first time that we’d have orphaned pups come of age and able to live independently on their own. Reena had helped to organize the festivities for today and I’ve assured her that I’d attend to say a few words. After all, this was Kayla’s idea and it was very important to her because of her own childhood experiences. The least that I could do was to be there to witness the fruits of her labor and to guard them for her until she’s back. I made my way to the pack house, where the orphanage is located and bumped into Reena. “Goddess have mercy! You look like a tank ran over you, Alpha.” She frowned disapprovingly at me before softening her tone and asking one of the Omegas helping with the preparations to get me a coffee.

              “You can’t keep up like this, Alpha. Leyton and Osmond are working their ass off to keep things together but a pack is incomplete without its Alpha and Luna. Until Kayla is back, you need to step up for both of you, regardless of how hard it is. This at the very least, you owe to her.” Reena lectured me sternly after the Omega who brought my coffee was out of earshot. I knew that she was right but without my wolf, I felt physically weak and without my mate by my side, I couldn’t even think straight anymore. As if reading my thoughts, Reena’s tone hardened and I could sense her anger in her words. “It’s not about you, Alpha, with all due respect, it’s about the Pack! It’s a miracle that Leyton and Osmond have been able to keep it together and prevent news about our situation from getting out. You think that is easy? Our forest is dying! To compensate, we’ve had to spend so much resources on re-forestation campaigns and fortifications. Not to mention everyone is feeling the pain of not having our Luna with us. Hell, even the warriors feel it! The Werewolf Council isn’t stupid. They saw how much we struggled to defend our titles as defending champions at the quadrennial games last year. You think they won’t suspect anything, especially when both our Alpha and Luna weren’t able to attend? Once they get wind of Kayla being missing, even an i***t would be able to put two and two together!”

              A sense of dread weighed down heavily on me, threatening to crush me as I started to realize how much danger my self-pity party has been endangering my Pack and my mate. If anyone finds out that Kayla has something to do with the strength of our Pack beyond the way a normal Luna would, not only would we be inviting rival packs to attack us, our allies might even abandon us. Worst of all, the Werewolf Council might start looking for Kayla as well and the last thing that I need is more competition in finding my mate. “I’m sorry, Reena. I should have been less selfish. Thank you, I needed this.” Patting me gently on the back, Reena nodded and went back to finish up the preparations for the event later in the evening. Not wanting to disturb, I made my way to the garden that Kayla had insisted to add to the orphanage. I smiled as I remembered how she argued that the forest wasn’t enough and that little pups needed a space where they can care for plants and get to learn more about them. It was spring and the one cherry blossom tree that she had transplanted into the garden from the forest was in full bloom. Looking at the pink cherry blossoms brought back so many beautiful memories and I found myself walking towards it unknowingly. As I closed my eyes to take in my favourite scent in this world, an uneasy feeling of being watched by someone startled me. I opened my eyes and looked down to find a little pup staring at me with the most beautiful green eyes. He was sitting against the tree with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head tilted up to stare at me. There was something about his soft brown hair and the look in his round green eyes that tugged at my heart strings, not simply because he looked adorable.

              “Hey little man, what are you doing here all on your own?” I sat down beside him and gently stroked his hair, while he continued to stare at me. “It’s alright, little man, you’re not in trouble. I won’t tell anyone you came outside on your own,” I promised him. He c****d his head to one side and pointed his finger at me before saying, “Nana say ok!” I lifted my eyebrows in amusement and assumed that he meant Reena. “Well, then why are you not with the other pups? Isn’t it cold outside?” I asked as gently as I could while holding out my arms to offer him a hug. To my further amusement, the little pup crossed his arms and shook his head. “No cold. Pink flowers!” He looked up to stare at the cherry blossoms and his lips curled up in the most adorable way, in an oddly familiar way, before a frown etched its way onto his face. “Pups no like Cedar. No friends.” He shrugged like it didn’t matter but I could feel a wave of sadness rolling off him and it made my heart ache. “I like Cedar. We’re friends, right?” I asked encouragingly and this time I leaned in to embrace him. He looked at me quizzically before nodding slowly. Seeing his acceptance of me and not struggling in my arms brought me a sense of calm and satisfaction that I couldn’t explain. I wanted to spend more time with him but Jacob came outside to tell me that the event was about to start and Reena was looking for me. Reluctantly, I got up and extended my hand to Cedar, before following Jacob into the pack house.

              From the corner of my eyes, I caught a tiny flash of jealousy as Jacob stared shortly at my hand. I felt guilty for not having paid enough attention to my pup since Kayla has been kidnapped and extended my other hand to him. He hesitated for a split second before taking my hand and it made me feel even more like the worse father in the world. Since that night, Jacob has been in poor health because of the amount of wolfsbane that was injected into him. Instead of spending more time with him to help him overcome the near-death ordeal he had survived, I found myself unable to be near him for long periods of time. Every minute spent with him reminded me of my loss, of my failure to protect my own mate. I knew it was my fault and Jacob is just an innocent pup, but I just couldn’t control my feelings. Once we were inside, I let the pups go join the rest of the pups and headed to the front of the event room to look for Reena. Before I could find her, Lynsie bumped into me and I was surprised to see her at the event.

              “You forgot that I’m here to pick up Jacob today?” She asked teasingly as she gave me a hug. “Sorry,” I mumbled, “I must have forgotten.” Lynsie laughed and gave me a friendly slap on my back. “Hey, it’s ok, Finn, don’t worry about it. As long as Jacob is happy with the arrangement, I don’t mind travelling and shuttling him to and fro.” Her words made me feel bad that I wasn’t really doing anything for our pup and in an attempt to redeem myself a little, I offered to pick up Jacob from her Pack the next time. “Hey, I was really just joking. You’re doing more than enough, Finn. We all know how hard this is for you and I really don’t mind. In fact, it’s a great reason for me to come out here and enjoy some fresh air. You know how suffocating it can be at my Pack. We barely have any forests or greenery around us.” Lynsie’s voice softened as tried to assure me. Reena must have spotted me talking to Lynsie and came up to us to tell me it’s time to open the event. I was about to walk away when Lynsie gave my hand a tight squeeze and smiled at me. Grateful for her understanding and encouragement, I smiled and nodded.