Just For You

Twelve

My eyes swelled up with sadness, anger and betrayal and I remembered that day. I have never felt so humiliated, stupid and sad in my entire life. Josh squeezed my arms and kissed my forehead. I am strong, I am over my past and I don’t want it to interfere with my current life.

Two Years Ago

I saw Vi sitting on the couch as the white powder was near his nose and a girl was sucking him off. Soon, I saw him lift her up and she started riding him like a stallion. I have never felt so numb in my life. I came here thinking about all the fight and violence he could probably do. Not once, I thought that he would cheat on me. I had speculation as to how used me for money or how he might be disinterested in me.

However, the woman was aware of her surroundings and looked at me. I saw her face and the smug told me that it wasn’t the first time he did this. Rage! Anger soon overtook me as I slammed the door open. I threw my heels at the asshole and that b***h. I know it was extremely childish for me to throw away my heels, but I was so f*****g mad. How dare he play me like a toy?

“What the f**k? How dare you hit me, you stupid slut. Vicky, kick her out. ”

Vi looked at me with his hazy eyes. He had a sly smile as he spoke, “Oh Lee, so good to see you. How about you both suck me? It will be a nice threesome. Also, meet Alex, she is amazing. I know you like ladies, join us.”

What the hell! He is so wasted. No wonder he is all chill and cool about me being in his apartment.

“Oh! you are Allie. Vi talks about you. I always wanted to meet that dum-dum who let’s Vi f**k and pay him just to be with him. So cute. A woman with beauty, no brain and money, you are quite a catch my sugar.”

I wanted to rip off her face but seeing all this drama, I was overwhelmed. I knew that one’s Vi is out of his daze, he will try his best to get me back. Last time when I tried to break up over some money- trouble, he flew from Manila to Vigan, just to convince me. He is too stubborn and I know him.

Now to create any more scenes, I decided to pick up my heels and walk away from this apartment. Alex laughed at me and then proudly rode Vi like she was doing before. This time she decided to be more rough and make more noise. I was too humiliated to say anything. Perhaps, this is how it was supposed to be.

I reached my hotel and decided to go to Yasmine’s house. I started packing my stuff and informed the hotel manager of my sudden departure. I texted Nicolas to meet me at the station, and blocked Victor’s number. I don’t want to do anything with him. I am not that fucker. Now I know where my hard-earned money went. I am so naïve, that is what everyone said. But today I understand. I don’t know who to trust and how much. I love Vi as much I love Yasmine or my family, the feeling of trust, respect was there and I saw him as my own family.

Now, I feel like an i***t. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. Angry, betrayal, sadness, hopelessness. I don’t know how I will explain Yasmine or my brother. I don’t know how I will erase his memories. I don’t know what I will say if he shows up at my apartment to explain his cheating. He cheated me on so many levels. He lied to me about his job, he lied to me about using money and he lied to me about his infidelity. Soon, I reached the station and saw Nicolas. I don’t know how but I have to tell both of them.

“Allie, why this sudden trip? You didn’t let me tell Yasmine. is everything okay?”

“No, it’s not. Can I talk about it later. I know it’s abrupt but please, I cannot stay alone. I confronted Victor.”

“Oh! okay. Let’s reach home and then we can talk it out.”

I nodded and I went with him. Slowly, my vision got blurry. I started crying. This was too much for me. I had no clue how I held my pain for so long. I wish I could go home and be with my mother. I never told her about Victor as I wasn’t sure how she would react. I knew for a fact that Victor was not in favour of meeting my friends or family, so I never said anything about dating him. I am glad I didn’t tell her anything. She loves me and dodo so much. Last thing she needs is for us to tell her that I am sad because of some fucker who didn’t even care about me. I need to be strong.

Present

Josh looked up to me with pity and love. I feel really bad when I open up about my past in front of others. What is worse is that it is not the end of the story, there is more. I cup his face and he holds my hands. I look at him and realise he had so much love for me. I am unsure as to how he will react when I tell him what happened next. I do have a choice to stop and tell him that’s all he did to me, but I will be lying. To him, to me and I don’t want to. I am scared to open up and say that I love him. I hope that my story somehow decides the course of our relationship. I kiss his chin and smile through my tears. It has been so long that I opened up.