Burned By Fate

CHAPTER 009

| ETHAN |

For the first five minutes, neither of us say anything. I can see Lucy out of the corner of my eye, her mouth opens only to shut again a few seconds later. I fold my arms across my chest even though it's not cold but for some reason I feel bare and exposed.

We walk through the trees on this peaceful day, even the birds are chirping loudly and that's saying something. I huff out a long sigh. This was a bad idea already.

The bond between us zaps when I step a little too close to her, forcing me to take another step in the opposite direction.

Lucy pretends not to notice but I can see it in her gaze, the blueness of her eyes are slowly dimming by the second.

"Thank you," Lucy says after a while, her eyes trained on the ground as if staring at me is too much for her right now.

"For coming to meet me."

I shrug and turn towards the nearest tree. "You said you'd explain and if I want to call things off then I have your blessing to do so."

Lucy tenses beside me because it tugs on our mate-bond, the one I thought would pretty much be nonexistent. It sends a subtle shiver down my spine, my wolf egging me on to say something more to lessen the blow. But I can't.

"I know," Lucy says quietly. "I'm sorry for what happened."

"You've already apologised," I say coldly.

"You said you were going to explain. So explain."

Lucy turns to me abruptly and blinks once and then twice. Her throat clears loudly and she tugs on her fingers in front of her, as if what she wanted to say, she no longer can. I frown at her actions and wait for her to say something.

"I was naive before," she whispers as if she's ashamed. "About the idea of a mate or having a bond with someone else for life. A part of me didn't believe it because it didn't work out for my parents and when I saw my sister with her mate and Jacob with Monica, I just couldn't believe people would turn that soppy."

My chest tightens and I don't know whether I should be offended or complimented. I can feel my head spin anyway because I'm not entirely sure where this is going and what she's trying to say, so I stay silent and focus on the leaves beneath my feet.

"And then I felt you—" she cuts herself off. "I saw you standing there and everything just made sense. Despite my poor judgement before. I felt like a fool, a fool to do that to you. To cause you that pain. I'm not perfect, I certainly wasn't then but I want to put things right."

I chew on the inside of my lip, tightening my arms around my body. "I don't know if anything between us can be put right."

Lucy’s eyes glimmer from beside me but I don't turn my attention towards her.

"You don't mean that."

The tips of my fingers begin to tingle painfully and I know I can't turn to face her. To see that hurt and sadness in her eyes because even though I don't care, it still brings my wolf pain to know that she's in pain.

It's going to be a never ending cycle.

I have my own issues. Everyone has their own issues and discussing them with her right now isn't what I've signed up for. Even knowing that she's slept with someone else, it changes everything to me, when I waited for her like every mate should.

"Why didn't you think I would be special enough to wait for?"

I barely even recognise my voice as I speak. Lucy’s complexion becomes paler by the second, her eyes flicking between mine frantically as I finally turn to look at her.

“As I said earlier, I was naive and stupid and-"

"And that everything should go back to normal?" I cut her off.

"I want to try," her voice heaves and I can hear the rough emotion inside. "I want to try and put things right. Show to you how serious I am about this, about you. I said I was naive before because I didn't believe in love or believe in the bond but now it's come back around to bite me on the ass because the bond is so incredibly real and I hate myself for upsetting you."

Lucy’s chest vibrates rapidly, both of us slowing down so that we are no longer walking. I study her for a second before I have to tear my eyes away from her gorgeous face, even when she looks devastated. It's too much for me. Every emotion inside me begins to pile up from anger to frustration to guilt.

Why should I be feeling guilty? She did this to herself.

"Who was that girl?" I blurt.

Lucy’s brows push downwards and she points back to the house. "You mean, Monica?"

I shrug helplessly.

"Monica is Jacob’s mate."

"Ah," I rock on my feet and feel a stone crunch underneath my shoe.

“Pleased to know at least someone is happy.”

"She's great," Lucy comments. "Amazing actually”

I purse my lips and shove my hands into my pocket. "That's... nice."

We stand in an uncomfortable silence for what feels like an eternity and I realise that this isn't going to get better with one meeting, if any at all. I don't think I can do it.

"I need to go," I suck in a breath and step away.

"Ethan-"

"No," I shake my head and clench my eyes together so tight it aches. "Please. I just need time."

I can hear Lucy’s breathing from here but I still can't suck up the courage to look at her.

"Time or are you going to tell me that this is done and to never speak to you again?"

My hand rests against my forehead and I drag it down into my eyes, rubbing until I feel the tiniest bit of satisfaction. "I don't know," I admit.

When I open my eyes I swear I see Lucy’s begin to glass over slowly. "O-Okay."

Her hands are trembling in front of her and I force myself to look away and not let my guilt give in. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel, I'm allowed to take things at my own pace to make myself become more comfortable with the situation with any of it for that matter.

I step away from her and walk a few paces. "Does that mean I can't contact you?" I hear Lucy say from behind me.

"I get to make the first move," I say as I slow down, keeping my back towards her. "Respect that at least."

"I will," her voice cracks. "I promise I will. Whatever you need."

My lips part to draw in a breath because my head has started to feel a little lightheaded and this is all too much for me. Her scent, her voice, her goddamn perfect face. I don't look back as I walk through the trees and head straight home without turning back to Lucy.