Burned By Fate

CHAPTER 006

| LUCY |

My hand bunches into his shirt as he holds me tightly. The next few words have been on my chest for a while, a long while but I never have wanted to admit them. Scared of what they'll mean when it's out in the open and I accept that this is an issue that needs to be resolved.

But I know Jacob, he'll be the one to help me and guide me when I need the support.

Without him I'd be nothing.

"I think-" I draw in a sudden breath and stare at the wet patch on his shoulder. "I think I have a problem. Something is wrong with me."

My eyes squeeze shut as I finish my sentence. Jacob removes himself from me but continues to hold onto my shoulder, our eyes meet and he frowns at the dampness of my own.

"What do you mean?" He asks softly, trying his hardest to understand. "What is wrong with you?"

"I think I have-" I start but pause because the words feel like poison on my tongue and admitting it is the first step.

Yet I still don't want to believe that it could destroy my life but I know I need help. "I have-"

I suck down another gasp of air. The words refuse to fall from my lips.

"Whatever it is, Lucy, you can tell me."

My shaky hand raises to wipe my damp cheeks. I focus my eyes on my brother and nod. "I think I have a s*x addiction."

Jacob doesn't say anything for a few moments as my head begins to spiral.

Everything slows down, moving in a fraction of what it should be.

Even blood begins to roar in my ears, heart thumping aggressively against my chest.

Sex addiction. s*x addiction. I've said these words to myself for months but I never wanted to accept the reality. Not when I thought it was fine but clearly, it's harmful to myself, to everyone around me.

Things have to change but I don't know how I could change. This is me. This is who I am.

"I'm so scared about everything," I blurt, head falling into my hands. "For my future, for my mate. For everything. I have nothing going for me. I am nothing."

Jacob’s head shakes over and over, blonde hair whipping across his head.

"Don't say that," he spits with heaviness.

"You are not nothing. You are my sister and I love you. We can fix this. We can get you the help that you need, you can work things out with your mate. Don't give up, Lucy."

My eyebrows furrow and I stare at my brother through watery vision. "What help can I get?" I say defeatedly. "There is no help for people like me. It's sick. I'm sick and now I've ruined everything. I hate myself so much."

His hand finds the back of my neck and he pulls our heads together, resting foreheads gently. I watch as he clenches his jaw and then shakes his head. "Don't say that. You can get help. Therapy, group sessions. Anything that can help you feel like you're not alone. You are not the only person in the world who has an addiction, Lucy."

I can feel my lips beginning to tremble.

"But he's never going to want me," I whisper and close my eyes, tears escaping my lids and staining my cheeks.

"He will," Jacob says with hope and optimism. "I promise you he will. But Lucy, you need to actively get help, if you want to prove to him that you'll get better, that he has nothing to worry about, you need to get help and prove that you can be the best mate you can be."

I sniffle gently and pull away from his gentle hold. "Do you think?"

"I know it," he clutches my neck again and flashes me a look of honesty in his eyes. "You guys can't live without each other. You made a mistake, so put it right. Prove to him that things can be different, that you can change. That he will be the person to make you happy for the rest of your life."

My eyes move from Jacob to the counter, my heart trembling at the idea of him. "He's so beautiful. It was so painful to look at him."

When I close my eyes I can still see him now. That expression. That hurt.

"Then put things right," Jacob says quietly. "He will come around."

I hold onto his words and pray that they're true because I don't just want him, I need him. I need him more than ever and I had no idea. Someone to prove that life doesn't have to be about going out every weekend sometimes in the week to get absolutely smashed and smash whoever the f**k you can.

It's about finding your soulmate to settle down. It's about bringing light into each other's lives. And Ethan has already lit mine up like fireworks on the fourth of July. Yet, he has no idea what he's done to spark this inside me.

"I hope so," I mumble, pulling away from his grip on my neck.

"If you ever need to speak to me, then I'm always here for you. No matter what."

I shrug pathetically. "Everyone's so busy lately. I don't want to get in the way of you guys and your mates."

Jacob’s jaw ticks at my words, he shakes his head sharply. "You are my sister, Lucy. You are my blood and I know for a fact that Monica would understand if I had to drop things for you. She'd be there for you too and you know it. We're one big family now. No one gets left out because we are there for each other, all the time."

My head nods back at his words, eyes slowly becoming dry now. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of moping. I just want to be happy and I'm the one to blame for putting myself in this situation.

"I know you guys are there for me but I feel like I'd be a burden."

Jacob looks like his head is about to blow off angrily. "You would never be a burden. I don't want you to ever suffer alone, okay? We can fix this. We can help you, just let us be there for you. Come to us when things are bad, please. Please." He pleads and it breaks my heart to see him worry about me like this.

"Okay," I murmur quietly. "I will."

He grips my shoulder once more and flicks those blue eyes between my own, slowly. He sees me. He wants to understand and be there for me. "There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get him back, Lucy. Don't give up. I never gave up with Monica and now she's happy, she's content here, even though she was adamant that she was bad for me. Things will work out in the end. They always do."

I smile back at my brother because he's waited for this moment with his mate for years, beyond years. Probably before he was even born. "Monica is good for you, Jay. She's such a good person."

A kind soul to grace this earth. A person that has given me a space to feel safe with her, in my own home. They're lucky to have each other. My brother finally getting his happily ever after.

"I know," Jacob beams at me. "She really is."

I replicate his smile and then he beckons his head to the kitchen.

"Come on, let's make breakfast," he says standing from the stool. "I bet you haven't eaten much lately."

"You know I can't cook," I roll my eyes.

Jacob laughs subtly. "Then let me teach you."

"Alright," I huff before taking a sip of coffee and force myself to take my mind off Ethan. At least for a few minutes before I drive myself insane.