THE SCARLET WOMEN

Story 2 - Past Always Catches Up

Now it's almost every day we meet each other. Most of the time at his place and some time at mines too. We started living in a live-in relationship. I started to learn ballet dancing as I always wanted to. It kept me busy when he was not around a while. I was trying to follow my heart without listening to my head. Loving someone gives you the strength to follow your heart and being loved gives strength to your heart to follow your dreams. It is the beginning of falling stars to make your dreams come true. I never have known love like this until I met him.

-Now I'm just a tool. They use me like a piece of it to manage their store. In the meantime, I even could not imagine how my work has made me sluggish and hebetudinous. –he keeps saying this all the time when he's back from his work. I possibly could imagine the life of an army man who was full of action and how it has now turned into some dull one. He used to be an army man. I never asked him about it but I knew it from the photograph of his with his family at his place.

-If you don’t mind I can work too. –I said cuddling him.

-No Scarlet. It's not necessary. I want you to complete all your sessions in your dancing classes. I want to see you dancing. I can spend my whole life waiting to see you dance like only your soul could take away my dancing by the tune of death.

-I'll not dance to raise hell but for heaven to come to earth where we could dance to each other in our souls. –I said with a confirming voice. I want to share my hopes for the future with you; I want to share my dreams with you. But I'd love to work too.

-Okay then. I'll try to find something for you. –he said.

-But what could I do? –I said. I'm not very good at anything.

-Hey, …you do not know what you're capable to do unless you know your true virtue. You can do anything much better than anyone else. Maybe you can teach children to dance like you after you complete yours? –I just smiled looking at him. Actually that was not a bad idea, I thought.

We could be just simple in our thoughts like a clear blue sky, gentle wind, sunflower unfolding its bloom to the first sunshine after the dark night, leave falling gently from a tree and sailing to the wind, and like the calmness of sea after the storm when we are free from every delusion inside our head. He's not perfect but I ain't either, and two of us may never be perfect together. But does it matter anything to be perfect? Sometimes trying to be perfect makes you a mistaken identity. Why else should I care about anything else except to be happy with him? Why shouldn’t I try to get myself out of control, be madly in love with him, and never fear of breaking my heart again?

What I've understood being a scarlet woman, alive to things which would not have come upon me had not his touch awaken the dreams of soul, I'm still a woman. And even the not so special woman like me wants to have one special man in her life from whom she gets her strength when she is weak. She loves becoming like a small child that needs to be pampered and craving for his time and attention. She yearns for his undying love and attention. She just wants to feel special and loved because deep inside the heart of every woman is an emotional void waiting to be filled with love. A woman becomes like a beautiful butterfly when she is nurtured with the love of a man who has her heart. I understood how the love of someone could be the wings of our dreams. And nothing could stop me from falling in love with him; no matter my heart carries the hatred of this whole world –not even myself –when his every touch sanctifies me and in his eyes, I could see the beauty of the whole universe which remained invisible to my eyes till now.

After a long condemnation of sacrilegious, -still considering myself an atheist- I don’t know why but I felt divine to wake up in the arms of the man I love from the deepest pit of my soul.

It's already been more than a year since we start living like this. I never knew how the time passed by us without even making a noise. I was about to clear my dancing classes too. It's going to be a great accomplishment in my life. For the first time, I may get a chance to dance in front of the whole world and prove to them the worth of mine. What I always was denied or was forced to surrender till now; the time has arrived to take back everything of mine. I felt like a triumph over my failures though it may just be a flash in the pan. I know I was afraid of my past too which may come back to me if I decide to stand for my future. Somebody has rightly said about the total absence of fear when we are in love. The sense of fearlessness came to me right after I heard his voice calling my name, "Scarlet, Scarlet…where are you?"

"C'mon there's nothing to worry, "he said affectionately. This is something you always have dreamt of…set your heart on…and now…now you're acting like a scared child of the exam." "This will be the biggest day of our lives, I promise. And I believe people will be left speechless when you'll set the stage on fire." I was left speechless for that moment. I just hugged him tightly and rested my head on his heart. He knew what I was trying to hide.

Finally, the day arrived. I was feeling both fear and excitement. He was getting ready for this night for the past week. I know how excited he was to see me dance for real on the big stage.

-Good luck! I know you're going to put the stage on fire. It’s the biggest night of your life. I know you're pretty nervous. But don’t worry; I'll be there for you. –he kissed me on my forehead.

-It all happened only because of you. I never could thank you in any way for what you've done to me. –I hugged him with few tears of joy in my eyes.

-Let's make a toast to this biggest night. –he poured champagne in two glasses. I just took a sip and we left from there. I wished if everyone could be out there with me tonight.

The curtains rolled and the show began. I never noticed anything except his eyes watching me out there. Tonight I felt like my eyes watching a dream come true. The whole of my past flashed back in front of me and making me realize how unholy my life was before and how divine it now has become because of his love. I felt like they all are watching me too tonight. I felt like the whole universe getting into me.

And then I danced. I danced till a prostitute died and took a new birth as a lover. I danced till a prostitute redeemed herself and regain the pride of being a daughter, mother, and wife. The whole crowd stood up and starts clapping. I could see him applauding wholeheartedly.

Sometimes whom we love the most is the one with the least fear. That’s the only way when we start to feel like flying –being fearless to fly and reach out for our dream by the courage of wings of love.

-Today I'm so happy. –he said while we were driving back to his place. I'm happy too, or might be happiest beyond words could hardly explain.

-Will you please drive me to the beach? Today I want to lie back and just speak to the stars. I want to listen to the sound of waves and cry of gulls, feel the sand beneath my toes, the water lapping at my feet. Today I want to thank everyone including God if he does really exist. Today I want to make love to you just beneath the stars and let all the angels above see it and envy us.–he just smiled and said nothing.

Though we weren’t Leo and Kate on the bow of Titanic with a dreamy sunset and a mesmerizing James Horner melody in the background –it ain’t less than perfect, I thought. His touch was gentle but captivating, mind pleading a little half-consciousness in a mixture of sweet root-beer and salty ocean water. Mesmerized lips press together time after time; unlike other times, this trance just placed us to another world. I was in a total daze and all I cared about was how good it felt to surrender myself in his arms. Ragged breathing and dancing tongues brought a fiery heat to the cold ocean air. With just the two of us there, the rest of the world disappeared gradually. The ignited feelings desired the world around us to forget us as we become lost in a sea of lust and love. It was a vivacious, a powerful combination that sends waves of passion crashing over us. The rest of the world is engulfed in our lustful burning flames as our kisses grow more urgent; rushes.  Burning bodies dancing to the tune of whispers and moaning, this high-spirited dance made me feel the race of our hearts as one. I guessed even the wind got lovesick with us, as it started blowing lightly. As we reached to the top of our frenzies, a gentle breeze flutters over our body quenching the flames steadily. Our breathing comes out in short, desperate gasps. The intensity has washed away. The rest of the world slowly came back into focus.

"Thank you, Mr. Christopher. Thank you for everything, 'I felt like I was screaming in joy. We kept staring at the stars for a while, billions, trillions, zillions of them shining brightly far away in space and time. I realized -among the whole of them, mine was just one, shining beside me.

I started my own dancing academy from then. We both were happy about it, especially he was. In a short time, it took its place and there were about 20-25 children whom I was teaching in morning and evening shifts. Everything was going all right except this day to arrive in our life. I know my past was still roaring in my back and I'm going to confront it very soon.

-Well, well…look what my Scarlet has become. I never have seen her dancing so well except in bed.

-I turned to the voice. I got blank to the moment when I saw that face. It was one of my regular ones from the past. I didn’t know how to react and got pretty terrified too. Again the horror of my past was standing right in front of me. I just stopped my dancing class and let the children go early.

-Why are you here? –I said to him in a threatening voice. I want you to leave right now and never come back here.

-Calm down, Miss Scarlet. Don’t worry; I'm not here to hurt you. I just came here to say hello to you, and appreciate your great performance that night. You know you always had been my favorite and seeing you dance like that made me want you more. Are you free tonight? –he asked me in lewd gesture, the same way I was asked before in my past.

-Look, I already have stopped that. And I don’t like you talking to me like that. I ask you to leave now or I've to call the cops.

-Oh, I'm sorry for being so cheap. You're now an artist, a performer. I believe it raises your expectations and adds more prices to your class. But I want you so badly that I can pay as much you want and never come back again.

-What? What did you say? Why don’t you just go and lower the price of your ass and ask people if it's still cheap enough like your thought? I said to you that I don’t do it anymore.

-You f*****g w***e. –he yelled. You cannot change. Once a hustler, always a hustler.

-What did you say? –Mr. Christopher came from behind and grabs him by his collar. He hit him on his face so hard that he must have heard some ringing in his head. Once he felt the blow of bruising knuckles against his face and tasted his own blood, the sight of that fear all over his face was something more than a sight. He was now more frightened than me I could easily see.

-If you come back here again with this filthy face, I swear it will not be able to curse you again for the rest of your life. As soon as Mr. Christopher left him, he just left hurriedly without looking back.

-I'm sorry Mr. Christopher. I'm really sorry. I'm so afraid. Please take me back home. –I was still shaking off that incident.

-Oh, don’t worry Scarlet. I'm here to protect you. Nothing bad could come to us if we stand together and fight bravely. Let's just go home.

When you fly with the wings of your passion, people will try to pull back you on earth in every possible way they could. –he said. People know that you're stronger than them because you're strong enough to confront every fear even by holding in your rage. There's nothing as strong as hatred, except what makes you hold it in that’s stronger. Sometimes it's better to hate and rage than to give up on your dreams.

-Will you please drop me to my place Mr. Christopher? –I asked him. Today I want to spend some time by myself.

-Okay, Scarlet. –he said. But let me know if you're in need of something.

-Thank you, Mr. Christopher. I just kissed him and he left.

I could not sleep. "Once a hustler, always a hustler." –it kept on shouting inside my head. That incident petrified me deeply. Suddenly somebody knocked at the door. It scared me more. "Who's there? –I kept asking from inside unless I heard a familiar voice outside.