THE SCARLET WOMEN

Story 2 - Raison d'être.

It was about 7 o'clock in the evening. I was in the room with my customer. Even without the slightest guilt and retribution, people try to move further to commit the same sin when they have to believe what they have to rather than what they want to. It is the thin line of demarcation between sanity and insanity to force us to believe unorthodox convolutions. The whole universe has been taking the shape of one heartbroken into million pieces of infinity.

He was about to unbutton my top. I was just standing nonchalant and thinking not to recollect my scattered pieces. Suddenly my phone rang and this time it was him.

-Just a second,' -I just withdrew myself and picked up his call. Hello Miss Scarlet, can we meet today at the same place like before? It felt like to hear that voice I waited for an eternity. I just didn’t say anything. The whole moment turned into that one night. It again came over me, the feeling of love which I always have hated.  

-Are you there Miss Scarlet? I know you're angry with me. I'm sorry,' –he just waited for long to hear from me.

-Okay, Mr. Christopher. –I said after a long pause. I just wanted to deny him but I couldn’t. I just hung up the phone and left the room as I don’t want to be there anymore. I heard bitching of my customer in my back.

Hello Miss Scarlet…He was waiting there for me again with a bouquet of flowers. How have you been all this time?

-Great,' –I said nothing more than that. I just looked at him. He's gotten slimmer from that day. Even the glow of his face has gone dim and voice not so hypnotizing like the first day. But still, I found him more attractive than before. For this time he was wearing strong perfume which smelled nice. I just took those flowers from him and responded like I didn’t care about them. But I really do like him bringing such flowers for me.

-I know you're angry with me Miss Scarlet. I've upset you all these times. Today when I got to see all those messages left on my phone, I hardly could imagine how you'd felt not being replied at all. I really owe you an apology. I hope you understand this time. Can we just talk more about it? –he holds my hand into his and looked into my eyes. I could see compassion in his eyes and commiserating grievance through them.

We were again in the same room. Still, I was not talking to him. For this time, I lit up the cigarette. He was murmuring with his hands over his face like wiping tears standing by the window looking at the sea waves. I still could find no words and the silence was heavy in the room until he suddenly pulled his hands from his face. He glared at me defiantly.

-I know what you're thinking Miss Scarlet,' I know why you are not talking to me. I reckon every single moment of that night and how death laughing at me when life was wishing for it to come before it's too late to change my mind. I really am sorry if I'd hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. Since that night I've been constantly thinking about you all the time. But I was afraid to call you back. –he nodded down.

For that moment I don’t understand righteous indignation but know irrationality and differences always hide behind a mask of it.

Anyway, the mention of my thoughts in his mind all the time lit a cheerful spark in me as I remembered his honesty from the very beginning. He was not like others, coming to me like a beast and devouring my body like the meat of lamb. I trust upon him like the salt of the earth. I just walked closer to him and stood beside him sharing my smoke. The whole scene was terrific, darkness speaking lying beneath us in words never spoken through lips, and the moonbeam kissing the sea, all the memories floating along the waves of it, of that colossal sky boundless and bare, and the lone and level sands stretching far away. 'I know what could happen after it and I just kissed him. Ah, somebody had rightly said that soul meets soul on lover's lips. He just walked in on me in the shower.

-Do you know Mr. Christopher why things never work out the way we want them to be like? Do you know why the part of us is always optimistic though it is a way to fool ourselves? It's because we already know the preordained and behaves rationally. We don’t want to change things which we always could and want to change those which we never could. We often believe in ourselves, we are designed to master our own fate, we don’t fear the predicaments, we fight for it and keep fighting unless we die saying everything we did was for a purpose. We share the same story, trying to master our own fate by losing everything that we thought to be ours. We may be blamed for profanity and sacrilegious but the divinity itself chose us to be.  He was overcome by my words.

Don't say any more Scarlet,' he kept my head on his chest. For the first time, he spoke my name like I swear the angels came and stole all my pains. It cut deep inside me like a sharp blade bleeding out all my fear and loathing and leaving just peace and calmness in every breathe we took of each other.

'Ye, Mr. Christopher… hide me inside ye', I don’t want to do it anymore, I don’t want to sell myself short anymore. Let's just run away from this world full of people who don’t want us and will never want us. Let's just run away Chris, just take me far away from all these. –Shh…Shh…I'm here with you and will always be in the world hereafter. –he carried me and took me to bed. I forgot all the scars on my heart and body. I know now I'm going to live in a castle; I lived in the streets before.

From the outset, it always was just more than slap and tickle. We knew each other in a biblical way. He seduces my soul through his eyes, and I seduce him through my body. I know how to turn him on, how a man has to assimilate in his body the divine female energies that woman can only release to him through right physical lovemaking. He wants me more than physically; he wants me mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. A sense of intimacy drawn every time through closeness, bonding of two bodies, a fusion of love and eroticism, reaching divinity of love beyond all s****l imagining, and experience of both holy and unholy orgasm, makes me feel like he's my soul mate. He always reminded me of somebody, as if we had known each other for thousands of years, his face, his voice, his eyes like they all had held me before, even before I were born, or this world was created. I turned to his face, without reproaching his look, lest it would change, and looked over it ceaselessly, even without blinking of my eyes. He was 'bout to say something, but I pursued my lips slightly as if to make sure he wasn’t allowed to speak at that moment. "Well then, now you can speak, "I said after I found that it was my thoughts, and not his face, onto which changes have been cast upon.

'Now you're looking more beautiful than ever Scarlet,' he just leaned his head over his hand and kept looking me for longer.

I know as I could see myself in the mirror of your eyes. –I said. 'I love you, Chris. I love you more than you'll ever know. –I wanted to say it too loudly to let the whole world hear but I kept it inside my head.

From that night we started seeing each other more often. Now not just inside a room but beyond all the boundaries of walls created to stop us. We wanted to be a healer of each other. Behind every falsifications and predisposition to unhappiness, now we are living like love seems to our sole raison d'être. I may not lie of forgetting my past sins and of being happy, but I swear I'm trying to overcome each day I meet him through his support and rising above indifferences. I realized that love's both infectious and also inoculation against it.

-Tonight I want you to be at my place. I want to cook something special for you.

-Okay,' I replied. I didn’t know that he can cook too.

I wanted to look great tonight. And I also want to give something special too. I ended up at the best clothing store in town for men. After going through different stylish collections, I decided to buy a white with a black striped button-down collar shirt for him. I could just imagine how good he'll look wearing it.

-Good evening Mr. Christopher. I was standing there at his doorstep wearing my red party gown. Once I'd bought it for attending a party of my friend. I just wanted to look at best tonight.

-Well, well, look who's standing there, an angel in red, you just look complete knockout. I hope you're not dressed to kill me. –he took me inside holding my hand.

-Umm…hmm…you do really have a nice place, Mr. Christopher,' I just looked around. By the way, I do have something special for you too. I just gave him a shirt and waited for how he would react.

-Oh my God, Scarlet. You brought this for me. Thank you, Scarlet,' thanks a lot.

-You don’t have to be. I always wanted to gift something to you. And I just ended up with this shirt. Will you please wear that for me now? I want to see you wearing it. –I said.

He just took off his cooking clothes and put it right on him. So is it looking good on me? –he asked in a playful voice.

-Perfect. I knew it'll definitely suit you.

He poured champagne in two glasses and gave one to me. Soft music was playing in the back. I saw some candles on the table. I only could imagine how romantic this evening is going to be. Do you like this kind of music? I don’t know what kind of music do you really like? –he said.

-Oh, it's really perfect. It's been long or I don’t even remember if I've heard such soothing music in my life. Or maybe I stopped hearing them because they make me a lover, and I never wanted to love, not even music. I bet you have a great taste in music too Mr. Christopher.

-My wife loved it. And he drew himself closer to me. Sometimes two people carrying the whole hatred of this world could fall for each other forgetting what they were before or why they were full of it when hatred and hatred collide and leaves the only the soul of two lovers.

-He lit up the candles on the table and let the light go a little dimmer than before. The best dinner was served in the candlelight. I was just wondering if it's really happening or I was dreaming. It was the first time in my life having a candlelight dinner with my lover. Undoubtedly I was having the best time of my life.

-Ok Scarlet, before tasting my cookery I want you to promise that if you like it you'll tell me one of your secret dream which I still don’t know. –he said looking at me and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

-Well, let's see…Uh, and if it tastes well then it's your turn to tell me one of yours. –I said smilingly.

The dinner looked scrumptious and very palatable. I started with ratatouille among other cuisines and the taste of it was unearthly. I just smiled back at him. He knew what I was going to tell.

-I never would have known that you cook so well if you'd not invited me tonight. I bet anybody could fall in love with you after tasting them. So, Chris, I guess it's time to tell me your secret. I couldn’t stop tasting the other ones too.

-Thank you, Scarlet. I'm happy to make you happy.

We were dancing like our first time after dinner. So what's your secret dream, Chris? –I asked him through my eyes. 'I always wanted to be a writer.' –and he just replied to me through his. And what’s your Scarlet? –we were speaking through eyes now and not a single word was spoken to spoil the beauty of that conversation. –'I wanted to be a prima ballerina.'

He carried me on his arms to the bedroom upstairs and put me on his bed. I didn’t mind him tearing off my best dress as soon as he put his hand over my beaver. I was already ready for another passionate love. For this time he was in the missionary position and kept looking into my eyes as they were still talking to each other. This time we came at the same time. Every time it just was more than coitus and gorgonian nookie. Every time with him takes me closer to such a place like heaven where I always dream of dying. 

"What do you love about me the most? –I asked in a giggly voice. "The innocence of your child's heart, "he said while playing with my hairs. I reddened in my face to hear it. Nobody had said to me like that before. "I never doubted the untainted purity of your heart since the day I met you. And that’s the thing I love about you the most, "he said resolutely. “This world would always try its best to besmirch your reality but never could dishonor your dream unless you carry the innocence of a child's heart and yet the knowledge of a woman's mind."

"What does it mean? –I asked both innocently and knowledgeably. "Nothing. It just was my experience." "And I always wanted to fall in love with a woman carrying a child's heart rather than a child carrying a woman's heart." "Just like you."

I want to sanctify myself of your love. Your love only could redeem me beyond redemption. Love is an act of reformation. Love is salvation; Love is divine intervention. Once you truly fall in love with someone you'll never get through that person. Love's emancipation of souls from all these earthly miseries and being one by getting off. All those incomprehensible become comprehensible when love reveals the truth of the hidden self. Love passes every wrong belief and comprehends beyond the walls of Eden where Adam and Eve lived. It’s the feeling you can feel in your life and never fear death when you're embraced by it. Love's acknowledgment of self, and Love's enlightenment of others. Love's deliverance and Love's demystification. Love's an endless journey towards self. Love's an endearing part of this mortal life being immortal itself. In search of the elixir of life, if you end up being loved, you'd never need another purpose to make it more meaningful. Love's an engagement of two souls for eternity even if two bodies are not meant to be one. Before I learned to love, I already was taught to hate. Since I lost all and ended up being Scarlet, I always was teeming myself with animosity and antagonism. But this love for you I'd saved for long from all those hatreds filled up inside me by tearing my body. But now you're here as my rescuer.

Though we're broken, we can learn to love again. I'm not any of poets, but I know it's no less than poetry happening around me. The whole thing's making me believe what I always have denied. It's not a coincidence. It's always destined that a comforter meets chaos and transforms it into some religion. With or without many things to explain, this reality's trying to enshrine a dream inside me. Before all these, reality had always been a nightmare for me, a staggering horror that has deep drawn a fear inside me. Now I don’t fear to dream again and dare to be a dreamer. I'm turning into some revolutionist and I don’t know if I would be the same again. Today I want to sleep with my eyes open. Today I wanted to be loved like it’s the apocalypse tomorrow. Love is a revelation of truth beyond all illusion. I just want to break a subterfuge for hiding the torments of love inside me. I want to get submissive in this divine intervention and resurrect myself. I just want to die and live both in this single moment of revelation.