THE SCARLET WOMEN

Story 1 - Prologue

There was no choice except to kill me. I wanted to redeem myself from all those sins drowning me inside. I always lived like an atheist but now I want to believe you. Believe you to give me the whole strength to pull the trigger of this f*****g gun pointing it to my head. I'm not afraid but also I'm not sober. I don't believe in reincarnation, I don't believe in transformation, I don't believe in mysticism & I don't believe in divinity. So, I guess there's no point trying to change my mind, I just want to sleep deeply, sleep like such & never wake up again. All I want to say is, goodbye forever, I'm gonna free myself & hope I feel better with or without you. Closing my eyes, smoking the last puff of my whole life, picking the metal & pointing it to my head, & Bang!!! Well now…I feel I'm in paradise, I've found Nirvana, I see you, Nat!!!

Getting into bed last night wasn't easy. With every passing moment, unrest mind started painting my head. The turbulence became so violent and I fell down several times while undressing. Around 2 am I started jerking off from a troubled slumber into a world gone mad. I was being tossed around like a rubber ball, the wind howled, driving rain spattered against the window panes and a frightful din rose from all over the room.

I'm trying hard to work it out. I'm a little more confused than you. Hey Nat, Do you know how to heal scars left behind those wars? Do you hear me, Nat? Why don't you answer me then? Why don’t you call me out there with you? Is there the same peace out there where you decided to leave me with this peace at a cost of thousand souls? Your God believed that we don’t survive this war but how he could betray me by leaving this body with no soul. This war is over, my Natalie is dead and mine has just begun.

-Ah, I felt like nothingness whispering the arrival of death. Is it you Nat? Are you coming to take me far away from this world of nothingness? I slumbered deeply and the subtle signal that warned me.

I then woke up in the past.

Mr. Commander, Mr. Commander, we need medic right now…combat with red tape in his head rushed to call me inside my tent & was shaking my body to wake me up. I watched my watch and found it was 3 am at night. What, what happened? Oh gosh, not for this time again. Hey combat, can you give me a minute? Ok, commander, I'll be right outside there waiting for you. As he left, I started collected my medical things and more morphine. Let's go, where's the patient? I asked in a shuddery way with a sickness inside my head. Its, it's right a minute away from here commander, he said breaking his long pause than usual with a long gasp of his breath. I realized it's more serious than usual. I watched all over me, all the tents were dark except than that of the General. We boarded the jeep and started driving to the front without the headlights on. I knew we were sneaking through the nose of all these cops.

Hello General, what's the matter? Is something serious? I asked him during our drive. Mr. Commander, it's about our Supreme, Mr. X is having trouble with his same old problem of acute pain in his back. & I guess he ran out of his painkiller too. What? C'mon, don’t try to f**k with me again for this time. We are going to visit Mr. X? I don’t believe you. You told me that he's not here with us, and nobody knows who he really is, and where he really stays? You must be kidding. f**k you, you are making me nervous. Shh... Shh...General put his hand on my shoulder, Calm down Mr. Commander, it's gonna be all right. You just keep yourself together and concentrate more on your work.

Ah well, that’s it, Mr. Commander, 'General said. We’re almost there. Gotcha, grab your courage to meet Mr. X.

I already have imagined what he looks like. He must be a true devil inside the mask of human flesh but with no soul. A soul exists in the body unless it could breathe through its heart. I lit up my puff and try to pull all my courage back to kill this bastard, who took away all my happiness and dumped me in this dungeon.  

I saw a chopper spreading its wings & ready to leave. Screech…our jeep stopped a bit far away from the distance where it should be. What happened to you combat? Oh, General, I could not pull over in of all this dust flying over by the wind created by the wings of that chopper.

Well, we should then walk in General,' I said with a hurry in my voice.

Ok, Ok let's move. It seems our Mr. Commander is very much curious to match his imagination in reality. Isn't that Mr. Commander? Rush, Rush don’t waste time to meet him…I said with a nodded head.

As we get in the compound of that in the formidable fortress, the chopper just took off and few combats were standing out there saluting and waving goodbye to the chopper. We were approached by some more combats with the same red tape in their head. One of them recognized the General and saluted him in the same way we (except me) do to the General.

Is everything ok? He's Mr. Commander, our only medical doctor, I've brought to see Mr. X,' General said to that combat in a bossy way.

Oh, my apology. I didn’t recognize him. & then he saluted me too and shook hand with our combat driver.  

Oh, you just missed him. He just flew to our secret camp citing serious back pain and unsafe out here.

What, What? We came all along our way disturbing our nights of sleep and you're telling us that we just missed him. (f**k! I knew I just missed that bastard again by a moment). And did you mention about some secret camp? Where's that? Just tell me combat, tell me where it really is. In aggression, I happened to lose my nerves and was grabbing the collar of that combat. 

General felt the heat of the moment and pulled me back forcefully to avoid any brawl. Calm down man, just calm down! You cannot just act this insanely in such a small matter. Give yourself a break.

Well, we are sorry for such an act of Mr. Commander. He's just a little more concerned about Mr. X. We'll take care of him. Well, do you really know anything about that secret camp, Combat? General asked in a more sensible way than me.

No, not really Mr. General,' said Combat. We never could know about it. It's just like a mask in Mr. X's face. Nobody dares to unveil it. We're his puppets, hypnotized by devil's eye. We cannot risk our lives for the sake of the dead.

Ok, I think we should leave now. General shakes his hands for this time with those combats and there were no more salutes. We boarded our jeep and drove back to our camp. Again I started my next puff and exhaled sickness inside me.

I'm again f****d up this time by my fate, General Mac. Mac & I were friends even before we were introduced as Mr. General and Mr. Commander. We got admitted to this war at the same time when we thought peace was prevailing over all of us. He felt the tone of frustration and anger in my voice, Better luck next time my dear friend,' Mac said to me. We'll get to that bastard and tear him down to the tears of life which he has drunk through his eyes – I felt the same assurance in his voice which I've become habitual of.

Do you remember our past days? Mac asked me with a verge of a long silence.

Do you remember how happy we were just a few years back? How serene our village was before this insurgency period? How beautiful every day had been with our families? Do you remember anything, my dear friend? I hate that silence of you, just give me that puff of you and let me smoke all this darkness. I gave Mac my cigarette and he gave me his ashes of those remembrances. I started remembering my old days with my eyes open.

Yes, I do remember Mac, I remember everything. Everything like it all happened just yesterday.

-Ah, those days, I took a long sigh and was taken back in my past of the past.

I got the news of Natalie being pregnant & for the next moment, I packed my bags & boarded the bus to my hometown. I just wanted to see her face & kiss holding her tight in my arms. I didn’t want to inform her about my surprise, coming to see her carrying all the love that I could give for the part of my new generation. Oh, Nat! My love! This was the day we both have always dreamt of. I'm coming to see you my love; I'm coming right for you.

It's been two and a half years since I haven’t seen her face. It only was a few letters that let us know that we're still alive for the love of each other in our hearts. How could I deny this time? I have been kept busy with my study and working as a medical assistant with Dr. Anderson. As I gave this news to Mr. Anderson, instantly he congratulated me and asked me to leave for my love. He handed me some money and immediately I left for a nearby market to buy some gifts for my loved ones. Mr. Anderson dropped me to the bus station in his car and waved me through the window of my bus. Thank you, Dr. Anderson,' I said with few tears of joy in my eyes.

After 72 hours of continuous straight on-board, I finally stepped my land of birth. I again felt being close to nature. All acquainted tranquility around, chirping of birds instead of horns and noises, the sound of spring falling high from those ageless mountains, blow of cool breeze right above your head talking with your mind, the sun getting yellower in that paddy field, and fragrance of mimosas and hyacinth making you feel like you are being welcomed by your mother. I stretched out and let nature get into me and took out all those dirt and chaos of the city.

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? I heard the voice of my love coming nearer to me.

I hid behind the walls. The door opened & I sneaked through my love with my child in her belly. I started smiling with a few drops of tears in my eyes.

Who's there? Who's there? She asked with a firmer voice as she found nobody out there. Oh gosh, what kind of fun these people find making mock of a pregnant woman? ,'Natalie turned softer this time too as like always.

She went inside and was about to close the door when I appeared right in front of her. She was awestruck with her eyes wide open and river of tears down her face. Nat, it's me, my love. I'm here for you, till you want me to be with you.

You'll never change, 'she said and embraced me so tightly like she never wanted to pass that moment in between us. & I also hold her tight and kissed in her forehead. We were always meant to be one soul with two bodies. Let me carry you, my love, with both of my hands & see myself more closely in your eyes.

Why didn’t you inform me about your arrival, I could have dressed much better than this and cooked more delicious foods for you? –I just looked in her eyes and smiled.

Don’t worry Nat, my thirst already been quenched and hunger satiated by your presence. I just want to love you and my child. You would never know what you're going to give me and how I feel like being a father. I even don’t know how to thank you for such a beautiful gift of my life.

Don’t say a word; just carry me like this forever. You're a father of my child and that makes me proud of my motherhood,' Natalie always knew what I wanted to hear.

I put her in our bed & let her rest with a pillow of my chest back in her head. We just didn’t say anything and just stared at the top of the roof of our house. 'Ah yes,' don't you want to see what I've brought for you Nat, & for our child, & what I've brought for our father? Anyway, where’s he?

Might be at school,' she said, her voice restrained but calm. We stared at each other for a few seconds.

The dilapidated building of my school where I studied up to grade 7 came in my mind. Hmm…he must have been kept busy as principal of our only school in an entire village, I said and took her hand in mine. Well, where was I? Ah, was going to show you your present, I said with a bit of excitement in my voice.

I pulled out a very ordinary sari and a box of bangles and handed it to her. I knew that bangles have always been her favorite but she rarely got a chance to wear it after our marriage. Working day and night to manage the daily chores, my love did get little time to do something for her.

Wow', I never knew that you could choose such a beautiful gift for your wife, Oh! My love, you came back, & brought me so much joy and happiness around me, Natalie said with a sense of pride in her voice. I again kissed her & she bloomed like a rose from a bud.

Hey Nat, I also brought these few toys and clothes for our child and a watch and radio for father. He always wanted to change his old broken one- I said & showed my presents to her. She seemed glad to see all those.

I stood up and watched the time in that new watch, it was 3 pm. I'm going to see him; you just take rest, my love. I'll be back in no time with my father; I said and got ready to leave.

Ok, I guess, he too will not believe for a moment to see you back after a long time. And also bring some fresh vegetables from haat, I want to cook something more delicious for you- Nat said as she always has ordered me before I leave for the market.

OK boss, I smiled back. I started passing through the way of our lands and saw some familiar faces of my village working out there. Some too recognized me and waved me back. I smiled and waved back too. I know there's one thing that makes a big difference between the people of the village and city- their hospitality.

So I was standing there like a 10-year-old boy, seeing the same building which too had grown much older like me. I watched those walls which were never tall enough to stop us from bunking all the boring classes. They too were gone shorter with the passage of time. I see that compound where we all had spent most of our time of childhood plays. And those broken glasses of windows and lock-less doors of those few classes. This school has always been a dream of my father and the reality of many 10-year-old children like I was.

I moved ahead to the principal's office and saw my father sitting with a few other men. I didn’t know what they were talking about but I was pretty sure that they were not in a very good mood to talk about. They were grizzled and my father just sitting there and listening to them. I thought it was not a good time to see him, and therefore I decided to return without meeting him at that time.

I came back home with some groceries and vegetables. She was there waiting for me with that unceasing stare at me.

So, did you meet our father? Hasn’t he come with you? Nat asked me.

Oh yeah, I saw him in his office but didn’t meet him as he was busy with some other people out there. I thought I'd surprise him when he'll be back home and hug him like a child. At what time he generally gets back home? I asked Nat with a bit of curiosity in my voice.

He has not been keeping much track of his time. He always is here late at night and leaves early in the morning. I don’t know what he's up to and I don’t dare to ask him. But I think he's not feeling well & worried about the deteriorating condition of school infrastructures- Nat said with a bit hush and gloomy way.

I wish I could help him with this, but I know I can nothing than just to feel sorry about his misery, I said with a pitiful voice.

I always have been like this, wanting to help by doing a few good things to others but again realize that I myself am helpless. But for this time I've decided to take both of you to the city. What do you think about it, Nat? Imagine it, we all again staying together like a family as before.

Nat smiled to hear about my decision but I realized that it was just a smirk. Because deep beneath she too knew that it's next to impossible to convince our father to leave this house and stay elsewhere. My mother's memories are associated with this house and we both know that what it means to father.

It was now dusk and my eyes were eagerly waiting to see him. We sat beside each other talking what our baby would be like.

What are you expecting, a boy or a girl? Nat asked me.

A girl, like an angel down to earth, and as beautiful and good as my love- I said.

As you wish, Nat said smilingly.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of my father's bicycle and guessed he was there. I stood up and went to the door. Nat started to finish cooking our dinner.

I saw him parking his bicycle in the same place as always. As he turned around, he saw me standing at the door and I saw him coming to see me. He adjusted his glass a bit to confirm that I was in real standing there. Are you really standing there or am I seeing some dream? – Father asked me with both happiness and sadness in his voice.

He came near to me. And after a glance he hugged me, I hugged him too.

-You should have informed us before that you are coming back home, he said. But I'm happy that you're here to be with your child.

-I wanted to surprise both of you my father. I said helping him with some water from inside to clean himself.

-You always are like this –he smiled and put his hands over my shoulder. Let's go and have some dinner, you must be hungry.

Nat served as the dinner. It was the best dinner I had after a long time. We were talking about our daily schedules in the city and village. I always have loved having such dinner with the talking of my father. Nat too was happy to see us together after a long time. She always had waited before we finish our dinner. Father quickly finished his and sat outside in his chair with his radio to breathe some cool breeze and hear late-night news. He always has loved to do so after his dinner. I too finished mine with her.

-I brought you, something Father, from the city; I said and handed over the watch and radio to him.

-Oh boy, it's so kind of you. He looked happy by seeing those gifts. You should not have spent in these; I already have these old and working ones.

-I always wanted to give them to you. You can put on this new watch from now on and never get worried about not working properly with that old one. And also this radio has some more additional features than that of the old one as you can tune it to more channels just by clicking this button –I said and showed some tips to use them.

-They really are quite impressive -he said with a soft tone. Go and take some rest and spend more time with Natalie. At this time she is in more need of you. I'm really happy that you are here to take good care of her.

-Yeah, Father, it's my responsibility to take care of my family. Please forgive me for not being able to be here with you and Natalie for such a long time.

-I already have put milk near your bed father –Nat said and went inside.

-Oh its already too late, I must go to bed now as I've to wake early in the morning. Tomorrow we'll talk more –Father watched the time in a new watch and left for bed.

-Do you too like to have some milk, my dear? –Nat asked me.

-Oh no, I'm already too full. Now you must take rest, from now on you must not work too hard. You just take care of yourself and I'll take care of the rest. I said and hugged her in bed. She just melted like the snow of my touch and put her head on my chest. I kissed her and extinguished the light.

As I wake up it was almost 7:30 am. Father already had left for the school and Nat already had finished her morning chores. She brought me tea after I got fresh.

-Do you like me to bring something from the market? –I asked Nat.

-Bring some fresh vegetables and also some oil from the shop of Mac –he'd be glad to see you after a long time.

-Oh Mac, how could I forget him? I was too thinking to visit him today. Nat waved me when I left for the market.

Mac was my childhood friend. We were together until I left for the town for my further study. He decided to stay in the village and start his own business. As I was on my way to the market I met many people who were surprised to see me after a long time. Many new faces too appeared within the span of these 2-3 years. Some of them invited me for tea too, but I denied saying I was on my way to market and promising the next time for sure.

I was standing in front of Mac's shop. He didn’t notice me as he was kept busy with his customers.

-How are you, Mac? –he turned back to my voice.

-Is it really you? I couldn’t believe you are standing in front of me. He just jumped out of his seat and hugged me. I just smiled and hugged him back.

-Well, my friend, it's so good to see you after a long time. I still could not believe that you really are here. Mac said in a subtle voice.

-I brought something for you; I reached for my pocket and gave him a wallet I'd brought for him. He immediately became happy to see it. Thank you, he said.

I took my groceries from his shop and left him with his customers as I don’t want to spoil his business. We'll meet later in the evening when you'll be at home.

-Yeah definitely, why don’t you, Natalie and Father come to my place for dinner? -especially Sumi will be happy to see you guys. Today we'll be waiting for you –he said without even expecting my yes in reply.

-Ok, we'll be there at your place –I said and waved him with a smile.

On my way back I bought some flowers and cakes for my love. It'd been so long I haven’t given her flowers. She would be happy to see them and about the dinner invitation from Mac. I was at the door of my old school. I also had bought some cakes for Father too and I wanted to give them to him before his lunch in the school canteen. Also, I could inform her to be home early in the evening for Mac's dinner invitation.

-'Ah've more classes to run in the coming week. I'd like to have some rest for ye, Mr. James,' Father was speaking to that guy in his principal room. He saw me at the door and immediately stood up and shook hands and let him go.

-He's my son Mr. James. Father introduced me to him and we both just smiled and shook hands.

-Well, I always have heard much from your Father about you. I know you'll make proud of us being the student of this school.

-Thank you, Mr. James,' I said. He just patted me and left.

-Father, I've bought some cakes for you. I know you'll like it.

-Oh, my boy. He took the box and put it above his table, -I'll has them later. Let us take a quick walk around your old school. I want you to take a ride back to your childhood.

As the hours wore on and the sun blazed there was no sign of breeze inside the classrooms. It still was the same as before, teachers and students drenched in sweats but wearing smiles all the time. Occasionally they stopped and chatted with me about each other's lives and I found them the kindest men.  Still, most of the teachers were the same but much older than before. The giggles and talks of children fainted with the arrival of the principal. And I smiled remembering those mischiefs of us inside the classroom but getting disciplined in a moment of the arrival of Father. 

-Father, could you be early today back to home as Mac invited us for dinner? –I asked him.

-'I'm sorry,' he said after a long pause, 'Today we are going to be visited some senior officials from the Department of Education and we have decided to stay here for making their stay more comfortable. 'Also we have got some important matters to be discussed about our school infrastructure. You and Natalie join them and spend some time enjoying the dinner, 'he said.

-But…..But….' I quavered. How could you stay here at night when there's not even a proper bed to sleep?

-Don’t worry; Mr. James has got plenty of room for all of us. You just go and take care of Natalie. Father replied to me in a crumbled voice and in a quick note though he has suffered from dyspnea for a long time.

We were at Mac's place around 8 o'clock. We brought them some fresh curds. Both Mac and Sumi were eagerly waiting for us in their compound. I really could see them happy by seeing us.

-How are you, Natalie? –Sumi just hugged Nat and holds her hands. I'm really glad that you are here with Natalie when she needs you the most,' Sumi said looking over me with her smile. I knew Sumi had always been there for Nat when I was not there. She is just one fine woman with a heart of gold and a lucky charm of my friend. They both were perfect matches made for each other.

-'I agree, Mac said. Let's just get inside and talk more.

Nat and Sumi got inside the kitchen and we pulled up chairs for ourselves. Mac stared at me. 'So today too Father is not here? –he said.

-'Nay, he's has been kept busy with visit of some officials, -I said. Also today I visited our old school in the morning when I was there to inform him. Nothing has changed.

-Much things have changed my friend but it's just in a matter of time you may come to find it,' Mac dropped his head and started pouring some cider in two glasses. I found some twitch in Mac's voice but suddenly his face glowed with friendliness. I'll not insist you have more of it in this time but I just want you to have this one for a sort of toast to your fatherhood,' Mac said and raised his glass.

-'Oh yeah, 'Here's to fatherhood.'

Meanwhile, dinner had been served and we all were having a little chitchat about our child. Mac was predicting having a boy but Sumi a girl. We were enjoying their stupid talks. And when you guys are making me Uncle too, -I broke their conversation. Both Mac and Sumi looked into their eyes and just smiled back saying nothing.

-Soon, very soon,' then Mac said.

We just finished the dinner and thanked both Mac and Sumi for such a great time. They keep waving us and looking us for a while on our way back home.

In her eyes, everything I'd done must have seemed effectual and worthy enough though leaving her alone for my further studies. They must be convinced that I'd definitely be back for her love. I could never have tried if she had not stepped in and effortlessly put things right. At best those eyes could only regard me as a gladiator and all the explanations and protestations in the world would not alter that. But though I never was even close to self-assurance, I did not really care. I just wanted to be with her, I just wanted to be awake to let sleep those tired eyes waited for every day only for me. I was witnessing a happy beginning instead of tragedy and that was more important than being a gladiator. I made a mental resolve never to leave which might spoil the picture of this triumph.