THE SCARLET WOMEN

Story 2 - Tribulation of War

After hiding and running from all those monsters, we almost starved to death. The wounds of burning were turning into a curse. Waiting for the dust to settle and moving back to our village was the only choice left to stand a chance of survival. I was trying to make us strong in our minds just by imagining a fairyland in my short stories to make her eyes dream about it. But I knew those eyes already have seen much worse of this life which never could believe in it. It’s a paradox of life, the one who can imagine zenith in their imaginations is always pulled back to nadir in reality.

We were on the streets of this unknown place, full of people but none of humanity. These people were passing by us like they didn’t even see us, and those who saw us were the eyes of predators. We both were worn out and covered in blood, clothes in tatters, tarnished souls, the flinching voice never heard by self, war-torn, the sky above painted grey, and observing the solemnity of each other in that chaos. She was seriously hurt, not spoken a word since that night, I only could see the tears of war-cry. I knew the pain of her but didn’t know how to heal her.

Fortunately, the next day we managed to be at this hospital. They admitted her saying her body has gone numb because of trauma and she's suffering from apoplexy. A preliminary check-up was done by the doctors and offered us a bed in the corner which was for the people like us who could not afford much. They gave us some clothes and food. Before leaving they talk to me and asked me about the event she had been through. I told them everything about the night.

-Is there somebody you know who could help you with her further treatment? –a doctor asked me.

-No, doctor. –I said. We're here on our own.

-Is it possible to talk to someone in your village and call them here? –the doctor asked in a serious manner. We can help you with the telephone at our hospital.

-Thank you, doctor. I only could remember him.

Every phone I tried was unreachable. I tried continuously to reach them but all of them were in vain. I felt something wrong about it. Finally, I heard from one of them, which made me feel like crying but there were not enough tears left in these eyes. Oh God, please save us from this predicament. I pleaded like one of his apostle but wished like an apparition.

-I promise everything will be alright. –I said sitting beside her. Please don’t leave me alone with them. I'll work harder and fight till I breathe for you. Few tears rolled out from her saying everything.

From that day, I started working hard every day. I started doing every work that came to me without considering much about this health and dignity. But still, it wasn't enough for her treatment. Every day I remembered him in my prayers and wished only if he could be here with us. Where are you? Why are you not coming to save us? Why you left us like this? –I didn’t know if he really could hear us but I knew all my supplications have gone unheard.

Her condition was worsening day by day. Doctors were trying to put us in some aiding campaigns but still, it wasn’t doing well for her operation in the head. I knew I was losing more of her every day. This state of helplessness had gone so severe that all the mercy I'd asked for had turned into a curse. What I was feeling was so real, breaking me in my every breath, and the pain of this misery was so ailing that mortality was on the verge of the last stand.

I knew what I'd to do now. There's no other way except this. If this is the only way to save her, there's nothing wrong to kill the one who already is dead. Heavy as sins in the strong wind south, under pine trees and rubber leaves, the water of oasis turning into poison, the desertification and the harsh winds blowing through our minds, mortification of our body and soul under those heavenly stars laughing upon us, the curse of this fate written over the parchment of these bodies with its blood, morality judged on the basis of this self-confessed crime, I never had thought we'll ever run out of any good moments of our lives which could appease this pain in less through our souls. For it would be considered as wrong, life could not be judged only from their perspectives. This world's calling its doomsday, and everybody trying to win mortality just to put them in self-righteous position. They are sorry for the death of their indoctrination but not for the people like us. I'm not sorry for what I'm going to do, not at all, but I'm sorry for what I lost and what I was about to lose. Might be one day we'll wake up and all this will be just a dream.

And then I met Julia. She had been helping me since then. For me alone to make this decision may not be possible but Julia had always been my courage. I found her a little impertinent before but later I realized that way was the rule of this business. She was a testament to the outlaw of this society.

-There are some rules of this business that you must know before you get yourself into it. –Julia said. First, let me think a new name for you. Umm…I bet you gonna like it…what about Scarlet? I guess it's perfect –for the color of flames of burning fire in your eyes.

-Yeah, …it sounds good. –I said and nodded accepting my new baptism.

-And another thing, first you must take your payment before letting them touch you. –Julia said. And you never can be real you, you've to impersonate like an entertainer. The more you entertain, more you make. And try to be more impetuous.

-Okay. –I said.

-And one thing for last, never let anyone pity upon you for your miseries. –she said rashly. Such things will never gonna let you survive the guilt of selling your body to those beasts. You never try to fall for any of your clients because it makes you more vulnerable to retribution. From this moment, there's no turning back, there's no past, there's no future, but only present. Look, girl, now from here you do not dream of being queen or princess, but just slave of the devil.

I can't be surprised by unconscious and more imaginary stereotypes about women when people still follow a culture suffused with highly sexualized, frivolous, and demeaning portrayals of women, in everything, from popular movies to ongoing congressional debates. 

In a few days, I learned the rules of this business. Sometimes my soul cried but I never let those tears come to my eyes. My body already was torn apart, now they were just satiating their hunger devouring me into pieces. I already have crossed that line of morality and I've awakened morally with or without crossing the line of absolutism. I realized that this world is the mirror of our own thoughts. Now standing in front of that mirror I don’t see myself but only Scarlet, like a mirror of sins in front of the mirror of absolution. I knew I never could forgive myself for doing this but I could die without repentance for saving her.

I started saving for her treatment. Whenever I feel hard to carry on, I sat beside her and talk to her. Though she may not talk to me, I knew that she always was hearing me or even could read my mind and find what I've hidden from her. She'll never forgive me, but for me, her life was important than forgiveness.

-How's she doing doctor? –I asked.

-Well, I’ll not lie to you. –he said. Her condition is worsening day by day. And we cannot hold for more days to operate her.

-No…no…doctor. You just cannot say like that. –I said like begging him for a few more days. I'm doing my best for her operation. It'll not take more days; I promise I'll work harder than this to save her. You…you…just don’t …I broke into tears and ran outside.

From that day I started working more nights even without sleeping much. This was the only way left for her early treatment. All these times my sufferings multiplied in infinite ways, sometimes I felt like I'll not survive through it, and my body has been set out to be controlled not by me but for a greater cause till this flesh could bear.

-Have you seen yourself in the mirror? –Julia asked. Look, what you've put yourself through and how disordered you have been. Why are you being such crazy?

I knew I was tottering in both mind and body. I was suffering from the frailty of love setting off myself carrying the spirit of hatred. Do you really want to know why I'd been doing this?

We were standing in front of her. I kissed her on her forehead and took her hand on mine.

-She's the reason why I'd to be such crazy. –I said. There's not much time left with her. And therefore I've to spare more for her treatment. For that moment she was speechless and hugged both of us.

-I'll try to help you. –she said. Now I'll work for extra shifts for her.

For the whole time, darkness was growing more with each passing day.  It never was allowing entering the slightest ray of hope through it but we were the kind to never give up. For I think, I don’t remember how many clients I'm serving for the whole day, I only feel r***d not by people but by time. Is it like some vanishing point where we all give up and deny carrying on?  Why we had to fall time and again before we learn to rise? Is it because the rising of us could end his control over us? Or is it because of our condemnation for his regression? I don’t know the feeling of concord but I almost feel like screaming when I'm amidst discord. Creating my body was his creation and forcing me to sell it was his decision. And so how could I blame my creator for his decision?

Finally, we almost had saved enough for her treatment. We ran back to the hospital. Throughout the way, I was both thanking him and condemning him. As we were at the hospital, it already was too late. I was standing completely numb. Under the bludgeoning of fate, I already was soulless but now I wanted to die beyond this place of wrath and tears, culminating every misery in Armageddon for the end of it, and meet them in hell or heaven above. I have had paid much more than I could for this war.