Into the Darkness

Angel POV

It’s easier to cry in the rain because no one can see your tears. Then to force a smile on my face, while I’m in so much pain, that I would rather die than live in vain. - Paula Gallegos

Angel POV

Deep in the night I lay in the darkness, the night consumes me like a gentle caress that touches my skin. The battle within me wreaks havoc in my mind. Wanting to feel even just a little bit, this feeling constantly torments me. Maybe I don’t have a soul to begin with. It’s hard to feel or to love or even care for that matter. The rage I feel within me boils beneath my skin; it festers like an open wound ready to burst by just a single touch. It’s like acid ready to burn any foe that dares to lay a hand on me. I’m ready to lay deaths kiss upon a poor unfortunate soul that catches my eye. To suck their soul right out of them just so that I can feel for a little bit. Does it matter that I don’t want to feel loved? My heart conflicts with what my mind is saying to me and no matter how many voices in my mind are screaming at me, I’m in denial with what to feel. Everything around me is so conflicting with what the world wants you to be. I embrace the darkness to come over me so I can finally be at peace. Why must this world constantly torment me with all this bullshit? I have endured so much pain that has been inflicted on my body, I can’t take it anymore. My body is battered and bruised like my lifeless shell of a heart. Who the f**k am I kidding, I am too broken and past caring! Any empathy that I had left in me has been sucked down into the depths of hell. The color of my eyes is dull and lifeless, nothing but cold hatred.

I don’t know what time it is in the morning and I look next to me and Emiliano is asleep. I cringe away from him, and I can smell the alcohol coming off him, so I know that he is going to be out until the afternoon. I try to get up off the bed as gently as possible, so I don’t wake him up and I grab my duffel bag that I had put clothes in and took it out of the closet. I threw a hoodie over me and I wanted to cry out because I was in so much f*****g pain. I put my shoes on quickly and quietly opened the door and closed it and went into the kitchen to grab the money that I had been saving for the past six years. I stuffed it in my hoodie pocket and went to the front door and walked out to my freedom until I had to come back to kill him. I have no idea what I look like right now as I didn’t go into the restroom to see what condition I am in. I know that it is worse than what it was yesterday morning. I had to walk as I didn’t have a car and I had no phone Emiliano took those away a long time ago and I have no friends either that I could call to help me. I was in so much pain and I was already wondering how in the hell am I going to get away. I was contemplating on calling Ernesto he always treated me well and always showed concern towards me. But I was not sure if I could trust him or not, so I just kept walking. I got to a gas station and pulled my hoodie lower over my head and covering most of my face and walked towards the restroom I locked the door behind me. Luckily there was a mirror in there and when I looked up, I had dried blood all over my face and welts going across my face that were bruising already. I lifted my hoodie pulling it over me and seen all the blood marks on my tank top. The brownish color stained my shirt so bad. I took it off and I gasped at all the s***h marks all over my body the welts were so many, f**k how long did he f*****g whip me for. My body started shaking uncontrollably and I wanted to kill him so bad. I got some paper towels wet them and began to clean off all the blood and I pulled out a fresh shirt and put the hoodie back on me. I pulled it forward over my face and went out to buy me something to eat and drink and I asked the cashier if there is a bus stop around here or the nearest hotel. He asked me if I was ok and I told him yeah, I’m just tired. He said the nearest hotel was about 15 minutes away from here and the bus stop was about a 30-minute walk. I chose to just go to a hotel so that I could get off the streets. I asked if he sold any prepaid phones and he said yeah, and I purchased one and whatever medical items they had, and he helped me set the phone up.

I walked to the hotel and went into the front office and I rented a room for a couple of days. I went to my room and laid down on the bed because I was too tired to do anything else, I fell asleep instantly. When I finally woke up, I went into the restroom and did my business and stripped and took a shower. The water on my skin felt like thousands of fire ants were all over my body I was shaking so bad and was having a hard time of standing up. I hurried up, wrapped a towel around me, and came out to the room and sat on the bed, and dried myself off and started to get dressed. I went to my duffel bag and pulled out some of the snacks I had got last night and started eating them. This moment is the first time I have felt free in a long time, and at the same time I was scared that he would find me again and drag me back to my personal hell. I needed to find away to get out of here. I have no identification so there is no way that I could get a plane ticket to leave, and I’m not sure if I need one to get a bus ticket either. I was getting angry because I was starting to think that there was no way that I would be able to truly leave. I need to think about what my next step is going to be and then I thought that I have Ernesto’s number put away in my duffel bag. I remember a conversation that he had with me one time and he has asked me when we were alone that why don’t I leave Emiliano and I had told him that I couldn’t. He told me that if I ever needed help that he would help me leave and now I’m contemplating on calling him and at this moment I really have no other choice. So, I pulled out my cell phone and decided to call him, the phone rang, and he picked up on the third ring and he said hello and I told him Ernesto its Angel I need your help.