Angel POV
965 Words
Sorrow filled till it’s overflowing. I’m suffering and I feel alone but people don’t understand they say the pain is not going to last forever, but they don’t know what I have been through. - Paula Gallegos
Angel POV
For years I have sat in the darkness and thought of my impending death. Do I wish it to come sooner or just let nature take its course? I hate not having control over any situation. Sometimes I think that this is karma for all the sins that I have done. I am far from being an angel and I’ve never pretended to be one. But at the same time, I have tried to show compassion to others even though they were undeserving. My thoughts are dark and impure and filled with rage. I don’t know who I am anymore. I know I’m not the person that I was once before, nor do I want to be her anymore. I can’t afford to have any weaknesses. I carry this melancholy in my soul has I wonder around this earth. The fissures of my heart constantly crack and no matter how hard I try to keep it at bay nothing works. The darkness continues to swallow me whole. My anger knows no bounds, I need to feel pain! I cut, I scratch, I bleed, I need the pain! I hide behind a mask in front of the world to show them my f*****g fake smile but in the dark, I am real, crying and dying.
When Ernesto texted me that he was here I could feel my heartbeat in my chest to the point that I thought it would fly out of my chest. I peeked through the curtain to make sure no one was with him. I unlocked the door and stood behind it and locked the door again and peeked through the curtain again just to be sure. I think I am developing OCD now. I stood there and finally I just couldn’t take it anymore and I started to break down and the fight was just out of me and started crying. Ernesto walked behind me and he turned me around and wrapped his arms around me. Even though it hurt like hell it was just what I needed at that moment. I cried hysterically because I got tired of trying to be strong all these years, I cried for the little girl that I once was and I cried for the woman who was raped and for the abuse that I have had to endure for the past six years. I am so tired of it all and just wish that it would end. Ernesto kept whispering words to me that everything will be okay now and that he will help me, and he was trying to comfort me. It felt nice to have someone to want to care about my well-being and just to hold me. I finally stopped crying and he lifted my face in his hand and then he froze, and he growled that he was going to f*****g kill him. He stepped away from me and I immediately felt rejected, and I shouldn’t feel like this because Ernesto is Emiliano’s friend so I should not feel this kind of emotions towards him.
Ernesto asked me to tell him everything and I just put my head down because I don’t know if I could tell him everything without breaking down all over again, so I decided to just show him instead. I asked him to sit down and to keep calm because I needed him to be strong for me because I am barely holding on right now. He sat down and I started to take my clothes off. I pulled my hoodie off and I was watching his facial expressions and he stood up all of a sudden and stuttered asking what am I doing and I told him that I will show him first and then we can talk. I finished taking off my hoodie and then pulled my shirt off as well, he sucked in a breath and then I pulled my pants down. I am just standing in front of him in just my panties because it hurts to wear a bra right now, and his eyes were glossy and then he put his head down. I didn’t see any signs of disgust on his face, just sorrow and regret. I walked towards him and I placed my hand on his shoulders and I told Ernesto to please look at me. When he lifted his face to me, he was crying and it broke my heart and I didn’t understand why he is crying for me, I’m nothing at all. He apologized to me and said that he shouldn’t have left me and then he wrapped his arms around my waist, and I held him back. I think that he was afraid to hold me, but I needed him to hold me tight right now. So, I asked him if he could hold me tighter please and he hugged me tighter in his arms. I straddled his laps and he just held me in his arms. The moment was just right and there was nothing s****l between us but still it felt good to be in his arms right now. I am glad that I called him! He pulled back and looked at me and he said that he promises me that they are going to die, and I told him yes, I know this and that I am going to do it myself.
- Writer
