Finding Ellie (Complete)

Chapter 9

As it was still dark, Ellie was able to slip out of the B & B unnoticed. Although the air had a chill to it, the sky was clear and full of stars. The road was dark and bare without any streetlights and there was only the chirping of crickets to be heard. The plan was to do it at exactly midnight Boston time, which meant five in Ireland. She wanted to get to the harbor with a bit time to spare, to be able to reflect and take it all in. Thinking about it, Ellie supposed she could have done it any time she wanted but it seemed fitting to do it now.

            She carefully maneuvered the large stones in the dark. She could hear the water crashing as she got closer. Finally, standing there looking out to the sea, she looked back on the person she had become since the day she found out Chad had been having an affair. Stronger for certain, more independent and even braver; she would never have traveled alone like this before. Going to New York to spend a weekend with Poppy didn’t count. After Chad slowly took away her voice by making every decision for her from what she should eat, or read, or watch she was finding it again. It was an incredible feeling and a sad one all at the same time. It was sad that it took a divorce to get back to who she had been so long ago.       

            By now she had thought she would have had kids. She had imagined going on family vacations, wiping runny noses, kissing bumped knees and watching her children sleep from the doorway of their bedrooms. It wasn’t long after their wedding that she realized Chad did not share her feelings or want those things. It angered her that he hadn’t voiced this beforehand, that he let her go on and on about having a boy and a girl, about wanting to start a family as soon as possible.

            With tears running down her cheeks she checked the time. 4:59 a.m., this was it. She stepped closer to the edge only to be jerked back just as quickly. Confused, she shifted her eyes to a furious looking Aidan. She had to be crying, of course she did, she thought.

            “What the hell are you doing?” he demanded, loudly.

            “What am I doing?” Ellie countered. “What are you doing?”

            Struggle as she might, the grip he had on her arm was not weakening. If she wasn’t so angry at the interruption she would have let her mind wander to where else she might like to feel his strong, warm hands. But at the moment she was too upset. Why did he show up at the most inopportune times?

            Aidan dragged her back a few feet from the edge. “I’m stopping you from making a terrible mistake. It’s not worth it…he’s not worth it.”

            Ellie blinked at him, letting the words sink in. What the devil was he talking about? What mistake was he stopping her from? What was he doing there? Nothing was making sense.

“Look,” Aidan continued. “I’ve watched someone close to me go through a downward spiral because of someone else. I’m telling you there are other ways and I am not going to let you do this. Think of your friends and family and all those who love you.”

            He saw realization shift in her eyes but didn’t expect the sudden outburst of laughter. Wasn’t it just his luck to be attracted to an unstable woman? He knew something like this would happen. He should have just gone to bed.

             “I’m sorry,” Ellie managed, between giggles. After regaining her breath, she continued. “You thought I was going to jump in?”

            “Weren’t you?” he released her arm, staying ever vigilant should he have to grab her again if she made a move.

            Ellie snorted. “God no.” She handed him the worn piece of paper she had been holding on to.

            The creases were tattered from where it had been folded and refolded many times over but he could read the words clearly. When he looked at her again she dug in the deep pocket of her coat and took something out. He watched as she opened her hand.

            “Rings” He reached out, took them from her to examine them.

            “At midnight Boston time, on September 18th,” Ellie told him. “My divorce is final. It’s official, I’m a free woman. I know, it’s five o’clock here but in Boston, it’s midnight.” She glanced at her watch. “Well, four minutes past midnight now.”

            Aidan returned the letter and rings to her, still a little confused as to what she was doing at the harbor. Seeing this confusion Ellie moved back to the edge of the water.

“After I got my letter,” She waved the piece of paper in the air. “I knew I wanted to take a break from everything for a while. I contemplated a spa or a little road trip but, for some reason, Ireland kept popping up everywhere. It was as if it was calling my name. My best friend kept telling me to do something Ellie would never do, so without thinking about it, I booked a flight in hopes to find the person I was before this whole mess started.”

After a few seconds of silence she continued. “I had a mind of my own, Aidan. I had dreams. Then I met Chad….”

“Chad? What kind of name is that?” Aidan interrupted, then sheepishly grinned “Sorry, go on.”

“Like I was saying,” Ellie shot him a smirk that nearly brought him to his knees. “I met Chad in college. I was taking Creative Writing and he was in Law School. We started dating right away and he somehow persuaded me to go into Journalism. The whole thing is like a blur, it all happened so gradually I didn’t even know it was happening until one day I woke up and realized I wasn’t Ellie anymore. To make a long story short I let him dictate every aspect of my life and lost myself along the way. I started writing again and made the mistake of telling him about it. He didn’t want to hear it. The wife of a well-respected, high-profile attorney didn’t write stories. He made me feel like an embarrassment and made sure I knew that I was more than once.”

“Bastard” Aidan hissed, wishing he could get his hands on this Chad.

“I did end up writing that book and sent if off to a publisher where it was picked up. I was elated but he was less than thrilled. Then, all of a sudden, he had a lot more client dinners and whatever else to attend where I was no longer invited or welcomed. He would come home late and, after a while, didn’t even bother to tell me when he was coming or going.”

She looked sad and so tired, Aidan observed. “I knew something was not right but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it or confront him. When it did finally come out, he blamed me for it all, of course, and then he left.”

“You did nothing wrong.” Aidan said, to her.

“I defied him.” Ellie answered, bitterly. “Those were his words. Do you want to know what the sad part is? The fact that my husband was having affair after affair was not what bothered me the most. I was mostly worried about what other people would think. It was humiliating that people would know I failed at something as simple as marriage. That I wasn’t good enough.”

“Don’t” Fuming now, Aidan grabbed her by the shoulders, turned her to face him. “You are more than enough. You did nothing wrong.” He repeated. “He’s the one who did everything wrong.”

“Thank you for that.”

“And the wedding rings?” Aidan asked, curiously.

“I knew that wherever I would be on the day my divorce became final I wanted to do something… symbolic, I guess you could say.”

With that, Aidan watched as she c****d her arm back and swung as hard as she could, releasing the rings into the ocean. He wrapped an arm around her, pulled her close to his side. It felt so natural, like she belonged there right beside him. He was fairly certain his heart skipped a beat or two and his knees went weak for a second when she leaned her head into his shoulder.

“I have to ask and don’t be angry.” He risked asking knowing it was a sore subject. “What is your fascination with Blarney?”

Ellie stepped away and looked up at him. “When I was a little girl I saw a picture of Blarney Castle in a book. It looked so majestic and magical. I told myself that someday I would go there and experience it for myself. I never really believed I would.”

“I see.” Aidan didn’t want to let her go but he couldn’t come up with a good enough reason to touch her again and let his arm slide down by his side.

He grew curious when she looked at him sideways, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I have to tell you something but you can’t gloat about it.”

“I promise I won’t.” He placed a hand on his heart.

“You were right about it being very touristy.” Ellie scrunched up her face as she remembered the crowds. “It was very grand and beautiful, but certainly not as magical with children running around, line ups and tour buses and crowds everywhere. I had this image of it in my head of how it would be and when I got there....”

“It wasn’t what you thought.” Aidan finished for her.

She shook her head, waited for the snarky comment. When it didn’t come she narrowed her eyes, her suspicious look making him laugh. He had a great laugh, booming and sincere. And oh boy, if she didn’t rein it in, she would get in trouble.

“There’s something I need to do” Aidan jammed his hands in his front pockets and looked at Ellie sheepishly. “I need to apologize for what I said to you last night.”

Ellie waved it away. “There’s no need.”

“There is.” He pressed on. “I assumed a lot of things about you, Ellie. Who you are and what you are doing in Doolin. I acted like the jackass I am.”

“What’s so funny?” he asked, when he realized her shoulders were shaking with silent laugher.

“I may have used that exact word to describe you when I returned to the B & B and was angry,” Ellie admitted.

“And I deserve it. I was very much out of line. If you let me, I’d like to show you my Ireland”

They stood there in silence for a few more moments, Ellie taking in what Aidan had just said as well as the breathtaking view and the sound of the ocean crashing on the rocks.

 “Come on, I think it’s time to get you to bed.” He looked at her, horrified. “I mean… I meant….”

Charmed by the idea of going to bed with him, Ellie blushed and quickly thanked the cover of darkness. She burst into laughter and quickly assured him.

“I know what you meant.”

As they walked back he automatically took her hand, treading his fingers through hers. There was no need for words, it was a comfortable silence. She didn’t pull away, liking how small her hand felt in his, how warm his felt against her skin. Somehow, and she couldn’t quite explain why, she felt safe, she felt at home with him.

They reached the B & B, neither wanting the walk to end. He walked her up to the front door and looked down at their intertwined fingers. This was it, he was going to kiss her she just knew it. But he wasn’t, he stood there, seemingly in a silent battle. Maybe he wasn’t sure if he should, or maybe he didn’t think she would want him to.

And so she took matters into her own hands. Silently chanting ‘do something the old Ellie would never do’ she rose up on her toes and brushed her lips lightly over his. When he didn’t respond she dropped her hand from his and made for the door, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. It seemed she had read the situation wrong.

“Ellie”

 Coming to his senses, Aidan reached her in two long strides and crushed his mouth to hers. Soft lips and the scent of honey battered at him from every side. A low moan escaping her was nearly his undoing. As soon as her lips had touched his he knew he wanted more and so he took without hesitation.

She wound her arms around his neck, marveled at the feel of his hands on her flesh when they found their way under her coat. The taste of him made her giddy, everything was spinning, and she couldn’t get enough. When his tongue demanded entrance she gladly parted her lips and let him in. A light turning on from inside the house had them jumping apart. It was over as soon as it started. Ellie mourned the heat between them, wanted to ask him to come in but was scared at how it would look. She didn’t want to appear desperate or to be looking for only one thing.

Aidan made it easy for her. He stepped off the front porch.

“I’ll see you at the pub then?”

“Yeah” She nodded “At the pub.” then slipped inside without another word.