My dear me, the invisible

Lesson VIIII: Humiliation

Lesson VIIII: Humiliation.

It was one day that I decided not to go to college. One day when I hadn't slept at all, I was feeling so exhausted that I could barely stay conscious so I decided not to go to college.

It was the stupidest decision I could have made because it cost me dearly.

I was struggling when I heard a vehicle arrive at the house, it was my mother. I do not know what happened to me at that moment that my whole body trembled and I act almost on automatic pilot, I got out of the shower still with soap covering my body and when I came out she was at the other end of the hall watching me, I started to tremble when I saw her eyes. She was furious and I could just start crying. I spoke to her, I begged her, but she did not want to listen to me, she just advanced and when I wanted to realize it I was naked and she was on me.

I still remember it and it makes my eyes burn. May my heart clench and leave me with a painful sensation.

She hit me many times in the past. Some were brutal and I did not deserve them, others maybe yes, but that was undoubtedly the worst thing ... I felt outraged, sodomized there under the door frame of my room being mistreated by my mother being naked in broad daylight.

My heart withered that day and like a sad and dying flower I dropped into darkness.

I began to let hatred consume me, eat me up.

I would never forgive that woman, I told myself.

I would never say words of love to that woman again, I vowed.

I would never smile for her, I thought.

Today she stopped being my mother to be my own executioner.