My dear me, the invisible

Lesson I; I learned that humans always resort to stupid solutions in times of desperation.

Lesson I; I learned that humans always resort to stupid solutions in times of desperation.

My life has been the most screwed up. I know there are lives that are so screwed up that they glimpse something beyond misery, but seriously, this is me talking about my real personal life.

Let's start with something that happened before I was even born, which is my parents' relationship, okay. To sum it up, it was something catastrophic, something that honestly should never have happened even if the consequence was my non-birth. If I could put it in more literal words it would be ... The visual and theatrical representation of Tchaikovsky's overture 1812, an ideal piece if you want to set a disaster in my humble opinion. Anyway. There was no love at first sight, I think that neither dates or romantic details, it was a stroke of attraction perhaps at the second or third glance.

And although there was no love they married. Not because my dear mother was pregnant with my loving father, no. The unique and special reason was my grandmother's whim. Oh dear, crazy grandmother I sometimes think and wish you never pushed those two into marriage. You were the first token to fall and the cause of everything that happened later, you were the beginning of the renowned butterfly effect.

They got married and Wham! Without realizing it, my mother was six months pregnant. How not to notice something so significant? How to overlook a detail that would mark your life forever? I do not know, it is an eternal unknown for me. Six months and I was swimming in the little pool of his womb without his knowledge. She noticed, obviously. Not on his own account, of course, but because of a friend who insisted that she was pregnant, that friend who insisted on having a blood test and yes, indeed dear and old friend of my clueless mother; You were as right as Galileo Galiei when he proclaimed to the foolish and proud religious that the earth was not flat but round.

What else is there to say? She realized that she was obviously pregnant and like all women at that time her mind was filled with joyful and happy emotions, I wish it had lasted my whole life. The day I came into the world, according to what they told me, was too unexpected a day. Unexpected. But what birth is not? I wonder. It was not a bed of roses for my mother, in fact, she had a very bad time and I can almost affirm that my birth caused her future health complications. Sorry it was not my intention.

And what happened next? Nothing. I came into the world, I was named after my grandfather and I had a first fifteen days without incident, however my ignorant baby brain still did not understand anything. She did not speak clearly or focus her desires so she cried a lot and that let me tell you what broke my mother's patience and pacifism; she hit me. When I was 15 days old, I received my first whipping on the ass or wherever he hit me. Sorry, I don't clearly remember my early life. Baby brain remember?

Now that I have a more conscious brain and that I think I can reason coherently, a question comes to me: Why — because of Newton's world laws — did my mother think that hitting me on the butt would be the key to keeping me quiet? Sometimes we humans have stupid solutions to problems.

I say. Wouldn't something else have been more effective?