A Lifetime

Chapter 1 - Part 1

How is it that the moon can appear even more beautiful, more mysterious while reflected off the surface of a body of water?

Tonight, as with most nights, she was its captivated audience. She shifted in her chair to allow its position to move away from her direct line of sight. Of course it wasn’t a brilliant light, so it could easily be stared into. She just found herself mesmerized. Time slipped away as her thoughts wandered. The moon had a way of manipulating thoughts to its will.

She had a lot on her mind, this was no time to get lost again. 

“The Living Sculptures of Pemberley” embraced her thoughts more than the moon. Her playlist was comprised of her favorites that inspired her to write. And this song had the power to transport her to another time. It was magical.

She enjoyed other styles of music too, but those times were for allowing the music to fill the room. Those styles of music motivated cooking, exercising or just entertainment.

Her writing music was always instrumental. When she wrote, words played out in her thoughts, worlds began to spring to life in front of her. So, the words of a song only got in the way.

As her mind would get stuck in a rut, she’d change positions. She’d leave the painted walls and soft coziness of the house for the inline planks of the boat dock.

She always thought a dock resembled a man. Romantic and rugged. It could be strong yet shift slightly when the water grew heavy with activity.

It felt safe here. 

It was the dead of winter and much too cold for swimming, but she didn’t care. Though swimming was by far her favorite outdoor activity, just sitting here was a close second. 

Having been raised on the water, she had no fear of it. None. She actually found that she wrote better, just being near it. Similarly to a painter with his view of the meadow or mountains. Or a beautiful model perhaps.

Her muse?

It seemed so.

She only recently discovered the mystery of the water’s ability to assist in her writing. She never realized how being this calm could finally permit her to hear the words that were trapped inside of her.

She often wondered how many people were trapped as she had been. Knowing something, feeling it to their core and something in this frenetic world blocked it from them.

What a tragedy, she often thought to herself. Especially since she had been that person for most of her life. Afraid of failing.

“But aren’t you already failing by letting fear tear your dreams from you?” her daughter had said.

One day, she heard her words used against her.

“What are you afraid of?” The question coming from her teenage daughter.

Katherine was so afraid of loving something so much but not having the love returned. This fear was applied to her book, but she secretly knew there was some underlying trust issue going on here. And that was likely the culprit that kept her frozen with fear all these years.

Parents dig deep for their children. They find the strength and motivation to boast many inspiring lectures loudly and confidently to them. She could fight the fiercest battles for them or help them chase the most elusive dream. All while truly believing every word she said as she did this for them. She just wasn’t sure that the truth belonged to her anymore. Like she missed her opening. Her only shot.

Her daughter asked her how many agents were sent her first book.

“Five.”

“Only five? I’ve heard most writers are rejected by a hundred before the right one reads theirs. Send it to a hundred and one, Mom.”

This order was given, much like Kat had done to her daughter, when told to get in her room and finish the last 50 pages of the book before the English Language Arts test the next day. These orders are necessary to be successful. You must finish what you started. And finish strong. Put your heart into it.

“Why is it so easy to see the right direction for someone else?” she often thought.

Whatever people tell themselves, to delay one more day, to maybe even not do it at all, is a lie. Finishing gives a person the ability to know. To know if they were good enough. To know if they should move on and find that something missing. Why do we refrain from applying the same assurance and effort, to ourselves, that we give to our children?

Lucky for her, her daughter returned the favor.

“This book is really good mom! No one will want to publish it until they get to read it. Get it to them. All of them!” The encouraging words of her daughter sounded off regularly now in her head.

The day that her agent responded to her email, was one of the best moments of her life. Others had responded with a generic decline that made her wonder if they even read any of it. Maybe it had been the wrong genre to warrant their skilled attention. Maybe it was the query that led them to move on to another.

But not her agent. He was excited! If it were even possible, she grew more excited over his level of excitement. They emailed for two weeks then he asked to call her. As they began to talk, it was easy. Everything was easy. The talking, the laughing, the planning. Everything. Kat felt such a comfort in finding someone that felt so genuine. Their bond was instant…and uniquely rare. He was her kindred spirit. Because of that, her heart nearly exploded when he asked if he could fly out to meet her after just three weeks from the first contact. He wanted to know her. The phone call wasn’t enough for him now. He made her feel like the most important person in his world.

And that’s why he flew to her home. Never even allowed her to meet him at the airport. She certainly offered. 

He grabbed an Uber from the airport and was knocking on her front door within 48 hours of his request to come. She would later learn that one of his many talents was taking care of people. Completely. The whole process was a whirlwind.

She had been watching for him. Like a child for Santa. At least that’s how she felt as she kept peering out the window for a sign of a vehicle.

That’s why she knew the moment he arrived. But for that brief moment, she was scared of not being what he expected. Not being talented enough.

Doesn’t everyone have that dastardly fear attack them at least once in a lifetime?

But there he stood. Tall, gorgeous, dark-headed, heart melting sky blue eyes, and even though she should’ve felt sick to her stomach, the sight of him at her front door, swept every fear away. As though it never existed.

His face was honest. Kind. Different.

His smile. The way it diverted thoughts and feelings was his own private superpower. But he indeed had it…a superpower with that smile.

She returned his smile as she opened the front door and he hugged her on sight. How did he know she was a hugger? Is it something people know about one another? Is it a way you stand or hold your hands? She wasn’t sure, but she knew everything about him made her comfortable.

She was uncharacteristically quiet over the recent months but that too began to slowly transform in his presence.

He began reviewing the entire manuscript and healing a part of her with his warmth and easiness. He was this missing friend from long ago. He fit into her life like he’d always been a part of it.

No…he was a missing piece.

Her agent is Oliver. He was named after Oliver Twist. He is a second-generation literary agent. And it shows. He is unbelievably gifted. And he picked her! She didn’t know at first exactly what a big deal this guy was in the business. She only found out later. Thankfully! Had she known before she would have been sick to her stomach before they met. But instead, this gentleman showed up with a smile that captured hearts, and the kindness that brought out her style. They were a match made in heaven. He completed her in so many ways. He would read through her script and offer suggestions or ask for clarification with a vision that showed how he saw the story coming to life just as she did. They were soul mates.

Oliver lived in New York, but they video chatted every day now. She couldn’t believe that it took her almost her entire life to find such a friend that made life so much more vibrant. So much fuller and loving. He just understood her. Her only regret was not finding him, in this great big world, sooner. What fun they have missed out on. Not having one another, till now. 

He flew in any time that she had something new to review. Sure, he could’ve done it over the phone or computer. But when they sat across from one another on a couch or the bed with papers thrown about, coffee cups nearby, it felt like a reunion of family. 

“Here. Add his address under his contact,” Kyle said, tossing his cell phone towards her lap.

She sat cross-legged across from him on the bed, fluffy pillows surrounding them.

“Why?” she asked suspiciously.

“I walked in a shop the other day and found him a surprise.”

“Oliver!” she scolded.

“It’s perfect! You’ll see. I had to.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“He made the Dean’s list. I definitely had to.”

She leaned onto her knees and kissed him.

Their friendship was rare which bled over into their working relationship.

The world was taking notice too. She had two books published and she had a love for poetry that he understood. Oliver didn’t just take care of his friend professionally, he also did so emotionally. He had some pieces recognized and even quoted in two blockbuster movies. Sure he was doing his job. But he was more than a great literary agent, he was a loving person.

He was also as honest to her as her children were. He didn’t sugarcoat anything with her. If something was a little too dark during a rough patch in her life, he knew it was pain but helped her see more. He was her microscope.

Katherine’s husband had died unexpectedly over a year before she met Oliver. He had been in perfect health, so it ripped an enormous hole in the family. 

Both of their children were attending college when it happened. Sophie in her first year, Josh in his second. She became their strength and saw to it that little changed. She was going to survive this. But only if they finished the dreams that both parents had laid out for them. It was their children’s path, but their parents supported it all along. This was their father’s wish. To have both children go out and fulfill their potential. With the right education, no one could hold them back. 

Most people will find in their lives, people want to find a fault in you. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Sad…Yes.

True...Yes.

As parents, they believed, college would be the safety net. No one would say, “If you only had a bachelor’s or master’s degree…” Our own self-doubt can limit too many chances in life as it is, they sure didn’t want to have education, or lack thereof, to get in the way of a dream…a chance at something they really wanted.

Katherine was glad to see that their rigorous programs of study were actually keeping them busy during the loss of their father. They had less time to feel the weight of the grief. Katherine was so grateful for that.