Chapter 4 — A Feeling He Couldn't Name 🖤
1906 Words
Diara had always believed that feelings were supposed to announce themselves.
A sudden heartbeat.
A nervous smile.
The inability to stop thinking about someone.
Something obvious.
Something impossible to misunderstand.
But lately, she had begun to wonder if feelings could arrive quietly.
So quietly that you didn't notice them until they had already settled somewhere inside you.
It had been two days since dinner with Tian.
Two days since she'd caught him looking at her as though there was something about her he wanted to understand.
And two days since she had caught herself smiling whenever his name appeared on her phone.
She hated that.
Not because Tian had done anything wrong.
Quite the opposite.
He was easy to talk to.
Easy to laugh with.
Easy to be around.
And that was precisely the problem.
Diara had spent most of her life being careful about people.
She knew how quickly kindness could become expectation.
How affection could become a responsibility.
How someone could make you feel special one day and make you feel guilty for needing them the next.
So she had learned to keep a little distance.
Tian was making that distance disappear.
And she wasn't sure whether she wanted to stop him.
“Are you going to stare at that phone all day?”
Diara looked up.
Yun stood beside her desk, arms crossed.
“I wasn't staring.”
“You've been looking at the same message for three minutes.”
Diara locked her phone.
“It's nothing.”
“Is it Tian?”
“No.”
Yun smiled.
“Definitely Tian.”
Diara sighed.
“He just asked if I ate.”
“And?”
“And I said yes.”
“And?”
“And that's it.”
Yun leaned closer.
“You're smiling.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
Diara touched her face.
She was.
She immediately stopped.
“It's not a big deal.”
“I didn't say it was.”
“You were thinking it.”
“I was thinking you're falling.”
Diara stared at her.
“Falling?”
“For him.”
The words made something inside her shift.
She looked down.
“I barely know him.”
“That's never stopped anyone.”
“It's not that simple.”
“Why?”
Diara didn't answer.
Because the truth was, she was afraid.
Not of Tian.
Of herself.
She liked him.
That much was becoming difficult to deny.
And liking someone meant giving them the ability to hurt you.
She wasn't sure she was ready for that.
That evening, Diara left work alone.
The sky had darkened earlier than usual, and a cold wind moved through the streets.
She pulled her coat tighter around herself.
Her phone buzzed.
Tian: Look behind you.
Diara stopped.
She slowly turned.
Tian stood several meters away, holding an umbrella.
She laughed.
“You're ridiculous.”
“You looked cold.”
“I have a coat.”
“You're still cold.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you're rubbing your hands together.”
She looked down.
She was.
Tian walked toward her and opened the umbrella.
“Come on.”
“Where?”
“I'm walking you home.”
“You don't have to.”
“I know.”
“Then why?”
He looked at her.
“Because I want to.”
She didn't have an answer for that.
So she stepped beneath the umbrella.
They began walking.
Their shoulders occasionally brushed.
Neither mentioned it.
“Diara.”
“Hmm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Depends.”
“Why do you always say you're fine when you're obviously not?”
She went quiet.
The question felt too personal.
“You've known me for what? A few days?”
“Long enough to notice.”
She looked ahead.
“It's easier.”
“What is?”
“Pretending.”
Tian didn't joke this time.
“Pretending you're okay?”
She nodded.
“People don't really want to know when you're not okay.”
“I do.”
Diara looked at him.
He was serious.
She didn't know what to do with that kind of sincerity.
So she looked away.
“Don't say things like that.”
“Why?”
“Because I might believe you.”
Tian's expression softened.
“Then believe me.”
For several seconds, neither spoke.
The rain began falling lightly against the umbrella.
Diara's heart felt strangely heavy.
Not unpleasantly.
Just unfamiliar.
When they reached her apartment building, Tian stopped.
“This is me saying goodnight.”
Diara smiled.
“Thank you for walking me.”
“You're welcome.”
She turned toward the entrance.
“Diara.”
She looked back.
Tian hesitated.
Then smiled.
“Nothing.”
She laughed.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
She entered the building.
Tian remained outside for a moment.
Then he turned away.
Neither noticed the car parked across the road.
Inside it, Jin Zhao watched the entrance.
He had not come there for Diara.
He had come to meet Tian.
At least, that was what he told himself.
His gaze shifted toward Tian as he walked away from the building.
Jin's expression hardened slightly.
He didn't like surprises.
And lately, Tian had become one.
The next morning, Jin arrived at the office early.
Tian was already there.
“You're early,” Jin said.
Tian looked up.
“So are you.”
“I always am.”
Tian smiled.
“Something bothering you?”
“No.”
“You look bothered.”
“I don't.”
Tian studied him.
Then smiled knowingly.
“It's about Diara, isn't it?”
Jin's expression didn't change.
“Why would it be?”
“Because you keep asking about her.”
“I asked once.”
“Twice.”
Jin looked at him.
Tian laughed.
“Relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
“Sure.”
Tian leaned back in his chair.
“I like her.”
The room became quiet.
Jin looked at him.
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
There was something strangely sincere in Tian's voice.
Not playful.
Not teasing.
Serious.
Jin looked away.
“Be careful.”
Tian frowned.
“Why?”
“She doesn't seem like someone who enjoys being treated carelessly.”
“I wouldn't.”
“I know.”
Tian studied him.
“You sound like you care.”
Jin didn't answer.
Because he didn't know whether he did.
And that uncertainty bothered him.
That afternoon, Diara received an unexpected invitation.
A company event.
She didn't want to go.
Yun forced her.
“You need to socialize.”
“I socialize.”
“You argue with people. That's different.”
Diara rolled her eyes.
Still, she went.
The event was crowded.
Music played softly in the background while employees and guests moved between tables.
Diara felt uncomfortable almost immediately.
She preferred quiet places.
Animals.
Coffee shops.
Anything where nobody expected her to smile politely for hours.
Then she saw Tian.
He smiled when he noticed her.
And suddenly the room didn't feel quite so unbearable.
He walked toward her.
“You came.”
“Yun forced me.”
“Should I thank her?”
“Definitely.”
He laughed.
They spent most of the evening together.
At one point, someone approached Tian.
A woman.
Elegant.
Confident.
Beautiful.
She smiled when she saw him.
“Tian.”
His expression changed.
Not dramatically.
But Diara noticed.
The woman stepped closer.
“I didn't know you'd be here.”
“Neither did I.”
She laughed.
“You haven't changed.”
Diara looked between them.
Something uncomfortable settled in her chest.
The woman finally noticed her.
“And you are?”
Diara smiled politely.
“Diara.”
The woman looked at Tian.
Then back at Diara.
There was a pause.
A small one.
But Diara felt it.
“Tian never mentioned you.”
Diara's smile faded slightly.
Before she could respond, Tian stepped closer.
“She's a friend.”
The word shouldn't have bothered Diara.
But it did.
Friend.
Of course.
They had known each other only days.
What else could she be?
She forced herself to smile.
The woman looked satisfied.
“I see.”
Then she touched Tian's arm.
“We need to talk.”
Tian's expression hardened.
“Not here.”
She smiled.
“Later, then.”
She walked away.
Diara stared at her.
“Who was that?”
Tian hesitated.
“Someone from my past.”
“Oh.”
He looked at her.
“It's complicated.”
“You don't have to explain.”
“I want to.”
“Not tonight.”
She smiled.
“Enjoy the party.”
She turned away.
Tian reached for her wrist.
“Diara.”
She stopped.
He released her immediately.
“Sorry.”
She looked at him.
For a moment, neither spoke.
Then she smiled.
“It's okay.”
But it wasn't.
Not completely.
Because for the first time, Diara realized something.
She wasn't the only person standing between Tian and his past.
And she wasn't sure she liked the feeling that came with that realization.
Across the room, Jin Zhao had seen everything.
He had watched the woman approach Tian.
He had watched Diara's expression change.
And he had watched Tian reach for her before stopping himself.
His eyes remained fixed on Diara.
She looked uncomfortable.
Lonely.
He recognized that expression.
He had seen it on her before.
The difference was that this time, someone else had caused it.
Jin's jaw tightened.
He didn't understand why.
He had no right to feel anything.
Diara wasn't his.
She wasn't Tian's either.
She wasn't anyone's.
That thought should have made him feel relieved.
Instead, it made something darker stir inside him.
A thought he immediately pushed away.
I could make her feel safe.
He frowned.
Where had that come from?
He looked away.
But the thought remained.
Later that night, Diara stood alone outside the venue.
She needed air.
The city lights blurred slightly.
She rubbed her eyes.
She wasn't going to cry.
Not over this.
Not over a man she'd known for less than a week.
She laughed quietly.
“What is wrong with me?”
A voice answered from behind her.
“Nothing.”
She turned.
Jin Zhao stood there.
She sighed.
“Why do you always appear when I'm having a bad day?”
“Coincidence.”
“I'm beginning to hate coincidences.”
He stood beside her, leaving enough distance between them.
“You're upset.”
“No.”
“You're lying.”
She looked at him.
“You really like saying that.”
“Because you keep doing it.”
She looked away.
After a moment, Jin spoke again.
“You don't have to pretend around me.”
Diara's expression softened.
“Why?”
He looked at her.
“I don't know.”
For once, Jin Zhao didn't have an answer.
And somehow, that honesty made Diara smile.
A small, tired smile.
“Goodnight, Jin.”
She walked away.
Jin watched her disappear.
His expression remained calm.
But inside, something had shifted.
He had noticed her before.
Now he was beginning to understand her.
And that was far more dangerous.
Because once Jin Zhao became interested in something—
he rarely stopped until he understood it completely.
And Diara was becoming the one thing he couldn't understand.
— End of Chapter 4 —
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