Change

Chapter Six

Hurting yourself than hurting your loved ones are better . Its quite difficult to see them hurt because of you but if its for there good you won't feel guilty . Its just a span of time and they'll eventually forget you . And I wanted him to forget me , to forget that he met me , forget that he ever liked me .

I know its the most difficult thing to do but if he'll hate me he'll surely forget me .

Next morning when adalin came to my bedroom , I was a mess . Seeing me with my eyes red and puffy , hair all messed up and sitting in a corner curled up and I was still in my last night's dress . She was really tensed she came and knelt in front of me .

I felt the need to cry again . I hugged her tight crying and she patted my back trying to calm me down . She didn't know the reason why I was crying like this . She has never seen me cry like this after my family passed away . Pulling me back she wiped my tears away and pulled me up to stand up . She made me sit on the bed and went to close the door.  Taking a shorts and tee she pushed me to take a shower. 

After shower , I changed into the given clothes and left my hair wet . As I got out she pulled me and made me sit on the bed and she sat beside me .

" What happened Jen ? " she asked , concern and panic evident in her voice .

I need someone to know everything that happened . So Lin is the better person with whom I can share . I can't trust Nick with this 'cause I don't know what he'll do to Ed.

So I explained everything to her starting from our singing together to were he confessed his feelings to me .

I finished my explanation and looked at her face and found her looking at me with tears in her eyes and pity .

" Jen ..." she said softly hugging me and I cried again .

" Lin ..why is it only me ? I've always wanted to end my life but when I want to live for someone I don't have time .. Why me ? I...I don't want to ruin his life but I.....I  like him so much . I know everything happened So fast , we met just two weeks ago but that time is enough to like each other right ? .. I...I just don't want to ruin his life . Lin " I said sighing .

She took my hand squeezed it gently .

" What if he is ready to face your problems along with you when you tell him everything ? " she said and my eyes widened in disbelief .

" I..I can't do that ! How can I ruin someone's life just like that ? What will happen to him after I ...die? " I said she squeezed my hand gently .

" That depends on fate Jen . " she said smiling .

" Just tell him when you're ready . " she said giving me a small smile and kiss on my forehead before leaving for work .

Am on leave today because if Nick sees me like this he'll go all ninja on who ever made me cry . So its better I take a leave for today so that I'll get time to think and can avoid Edward .

Sighing I fell on my bed thinking whether to tell him or not .

*   *    *

» ADALIN POV «

I was checking the details of the newly arrived groceries when someone called my name . I looked up from my computer to see that Edward guy looking at me .

Man he was a total mess . His eyes were red and puffy and his hair all messed up because of him running his fingers through them constantly . I felt really bad for him.  First when Jen told me about this guy I was not sure whether he was playing with her or not . But seeing him like this I know I was wrong.  I wish Jen would give this guy atleast a chance . If I could I would have told him everything about her but its her decision and she should be the one telling him .

" Excuse me ? You're Adalin right ? Jen's friend ?" he asked and his voice cracking .

I nodded and his eyes lit up in hope .

" How's she ? Is she fine ? She Is not picking up my call. She is ignoring me from last night . Did she...umm..tell you....umm.. everything ?" he asked and I nodded .

" Edward ..She.. She is not fine ...I can't tell you anything ..because its ...its her who should tell you ..but I could only request one thing ...please ..please.don't leave her ...don't break her heart . She has suffered a lot . So if you love her don't let her go whatever happens ..please ? " I said unsure of what he'll say . This is what I could atleast do for my best friend even though this would break my other best friend's heart. 

He smiled and nodded .

" I would never let her go ..Thank You . " he said and went out. 

I know everything would turn upside down in his life after she tells him everything .Everything happens for the best ....i hope so.

***

» JENNIFER POV «

My phone kept ringing and I didn't have any courage to pick it up . I know from the ringtone its Ed who is calling .

I'm not ready to face him ..not now .

Sighing I got up from my bed and drank the cold coffee that was on my side desk.

Sitting back on my bed I rested my head on the headboard of my bed and closed my eyes .

Everything was a mess last night . His life was already in pain and he should not suffer more pain by loving me . I could never give him happiness . I really don't have much time left . An year or so . But according to Dr.Mathews , that time depends on my health and mind . He said I should try to be happy and try to live my last year of my life . He said there is nothing he can do to remove tumor in my brain and it would be miracle if i get cured . I really don't know why he told to control my drinking and its because of my too much drinking that I pass out . I don't see any connection in my drinking and tumor . But doctors knows the best .

I can't guarantee my life to him ,and I don't want him to end up like Riley . She loved my brother soo much , the tragic part was that he was going to propose her and she got to know that from his friends . She was broken and once  her mother requested me to convince her for marriage. But she refused and requested me whether she could get James's belongings . I gave  his belongings to her because I couldn't see her condition.

Its been 3 years and she still she hasn't moved on . She works as a teacher for kids and that keeps her alive , its that Jamie loved kids maybe that's why she ended up being a kindergarten teacher .

I really don't want Edward to end up miserable like that . I can't stand seeing him like that . So its better if I never accept him. Time heals everything so eventually he'll be healed . He may get someone better than me , who could stay by his side and support him throughout even though watching that would tear me apart but its for him .

Yes . That's it , he should move on from me. 

Atleast try to .

***

A week passed away ignoring Ed but he never gives up . I didn't go to work since one week and I don't know what reason Lin told manager that he told me to take as much leave I want and he won't fire me .

Crazy .

Its been a week I've went to that bar , first I don't have my payment second I want to ignore Ed. Nick would check up on me regularly and he would bring me drink when I feel miserable and now I have a bit control on my drinking .

A bit .

I haven't got out of my room since that day other than to have my food , otherwise Nick would doubt because I haven't told him what had happened .  Everyday my phone would be filled with missed calls , voicemails and messages from Ed and everyday I would cry and end up falling asleep . He would not stop sending me voicemails and  I would dare not to open his voice mails because I would give up once I hear his cracking voice . He would come to see me but before Lin could convince me I lock my door .

He has to give up and hate me .

I was sitting on my bed with my head resting on the headboard of my bed and eyes closed which is my usual position other than laying down ,  when the door burst open and I shot up from position .

My eyes widened when I saw the person standing in front of me with red puffy eyes, messed up hair , stubble clear on his jaw due to lack of shaving and in total ....a mess . His chest was moving up and down fast as if he was panting from running . I felt a sting of pain somewhere in my heart upon seeing his condition.

I glanced up to meet his strong gaze and suddenly I felt my heart beat speeding up . I tried to yell but no voice came out .

Taking a deep breathe I spoke .

" Get out . " I said and I saw him flinch for a second on my harsh tone .

He took a deep breathe and stepped in and closed the door locking it . I felt anger rise because god he is so stubborn ! .

" Open that door and GET OUT Edward . " he smirked and came closer and stood near the foot of my bed .

" Ed .. Go out before I scream . " I warned him and tried to sound as harsh as I could . But he didn't move a bit and kept his gaze on me .

" You can scream but no one is going to hear that . Nick and Lin were the ones that send me in .." he said huskily and sending shivers down my spine . My eyes widened in disbelief .

How can they do that ?

Nick didn't even know this !

He sat on my bed near my knees and giving me one last glance he pulled me by my legs towards him ,  I moved down with my legs on either side of his waist and he pulled me up by wrapping his arms around my waist so that we were facing each other and our faces only few inches away . My breathe hitched on sudden proximity and my throat dried up .

I looked anywhere else other than his eyes . He turned my face to look at him and his breathe hitting my lips .

" I know everything ..Jen ...everything ...don't avoid me . Lin told me everything , your health ..everything . She couldn't see you like this ...please don't ignore me ...Give me a chance . I want to make you happy .. please . " he said and his lips brushing my lips when he spoke making  me shiver .

I looked up to see him looking at me with pleading eyes .

I felt myself giving in . He doesn't deserve the pain he will get after having me in his life .

I pushed him and moved backwards and got off from the bed and walked towards the door but he grabbed my hand and pulled me backwards .

He cupped my face with his hands and gave a kiss in my forehead , his lips lingering on my forehead for some time and he pulled back and hugged me .

" I ..I love you Jen . I love you soo much ..don't leave me ..I want you in my life. .. Please . " he said and tears rolled down my cheeks . I wanted to shout out that I love him so so much but I can't ...I shouldn't . Why is he making it difficult for me ?!

I removed his hands from my shoulder and pushed myself away from him . He stumbled backwards but balanced himself . He looked at me with his eyes filled with hurt and tears .

Taking a deep breathe I looked at him .

" Get . Out " I said and  he looked at me in disbelief . But he took a deep breathe and moved towards me and placed his hands on both of my arms pulling me towards him .

He looked straight in my eyes .

" why don't you understand ? I want to be with you ..  I love you and I want you ...no one else can replace you ! .. Is it that we just met some weeks ago and you don't trust me ? .. " he said and I shook my head . He pulled me closer, our nose touching .

" Then why ... Why can't you be mine ? " he asked softly and I stared at him before pushing him hard and he stumbled backwards .

" I DON'T WANT YOU TO END UP LIKE RILEY ! GOD DAMMIT ! " I shouted and he stared at me trying to analyze what I was saying . Seeing him quiet I continued.

" I don't want you to be alone after my DEATH ! I love you ! I really really love you and you don't deserve anymore pain in your life and by making me yours , you'll be in pain . You deserve someone who can support you and be by your side always but am not that person . I won't even live for more than a year or two . You should ...just ...forget me Ed .. " I said panting and he came , hugged me tight but that similar pain shoot up my head and everything blacked out .