Gillian Lermant

Gillian

Gillian, sounds a nice name to me, it my father’s sister’s name, he loved her; she died of a road accident, on the highway road by a huge sell way truck.

And he kinds of never says my name though so I don’t understand, if he really likes calling out my name or does he sounds bit down for over her death or he isn’t over it.

So, this day was like any other day, I went with Lermant, it’s a sounding impossibly hard name to pronounce, but well I can’t even pronounce the word “pronounce” so I guess I am already at a 1st level grade. Lermant always says its sounds Turkish, and well I like it anyway. He is always trying to find what his name is?

Maybe his father never told him, if he’d he wouldn’t much obsess over it.

Humans are like that we are so obsessed over things we can’t have , only to get it and obsess over something new again. There is no growth but just a sickening cycle.

I obsess over something which I could never achieve and never would find something else: Lermant.

I love him. But I can’t seem to have him, though he’s always with me. We are actually, best friends.

I hate now calling each other best friends, its sounds the one roadblock to my all time happiness.

I love him and it should be easy to say to him but I don’t know. I cant seem to do it, he messes around jokes about us always being together but I it"s all for our friendship; if he’d known I mean it in all the words but just not he proposes it.

I try to get dressed for the party tonight, as well as I could to look better in front of Lermant. He always looks that good. Even in his normal clothes, either he has a kind of vibe at him or my eyes just looks at him and filter stuff around him.

We have been together for so long, I even trudge along a memory of though while applying more foundation to fix my skin tone, when we were in elementary school and we used to sit together, walk together basically live at a treehouse my elder brother had left for me after going to college. We used to spend our whole day in there, all by ourselves.

In the coming year I can tell exactly when, it was our third grade that’s when I actually realized I love him.

We used to stroll around the city on our bikes, and they were completely identical, almost same red, round swivled grey at lustre and I broke mine, it got under the car, he had saved me, we rode past along the people on the footpath and as we changed our direction my bike slipped along the curb and landed on the road.

He quickly turned over me and I remember, he heroically got me out of the car’s aim and caught me in his arms.

I have imagined that same moment multiple of times, in hilarious way, in heroic way, in the most sensual way, in all the way I can’t seem to forget it. And for the loss he gave me his bike and went home and told his parents that it he got into an accident. And his parents got angry, asked him not to go out and never drive on the streets and did not bought him a new bike.

So we both played around, rode with one bike, mine but apparently his. I sat behind him and he strode me to all the places, Brooklyn Bridge, from where we looked to the remote places and felt so small.

All those days, in past of childhood I see but we are still young and still innocent, what is now that we can’t reach that near to each other. Yes we are great friends but we just friends.

The bell rings and I know he’s there I stare from the window and he’s already there looking over at me, as if he knew I would stare down at him, he’s hiding something behind and I know already what is there. No not some flowers, it’s a red stall it’s very small just larger than a handkerchief and its just to wear around, I have seemed to put it on with any kind of dress I have and I tag it along to wear it around with my style and till now I have not looked some kind of a joker, I don’t know if that would stand today.

I come down and he smiles at me and pretends that he is blown away. And then gives it to me, I see his light sea green eyes and I know he’s waiting for me to tag it along, I fold it around curves and wear it around my sleeves and hopefully it looks better. Lermant acts amazed again.

And he holds my hand, ‘damn you always find a way.’

‘I think I am running out of ideas now,’ I say

‘next time just wear it around your hand.’

‘I don’t want to look some kind of a hippie.’ And he laughs, his teeth going under the lamp light.

We take the taxi for the past and as we enter to the house, he says.

‘I actually want to get out of here as quickly as I come here.’

‘I actually want to get out too.’ And then we find Mason.

‘the Mason is here.’ Lermant laughs and starts talking to him.

Mason he is reffered as The Masons, the freemasonary, we refer him just form the “The Lost Symbol” by Dan Brown.

‘dude high school, they say it’s time of the year, but dude, I don’t feel it.’ Mason says.

‘stephen king once said, ‘the one believes that high school is best time of their life are seriously f****d up.’,’ see he’s literally my true soul mate.

‘really? Wow…where do you think to get know all this.’ I ask.

‘just constant worth of time left around for you due to uselessness of doing anything.’

Mason grinned and we both went around to sit over the edge of the pool.

With our rolled over jeans, we sat next to each other and watched as the whole party dissolved into a big minx of roar of youth zone to literally dying in moments that passed with people passing out eventually.

Mason had brought some red wine, some really tasty wine, it had a spill of rumchada, well I know it because actually I want to be a mixologist. I think I can do wonders with absinthe.

‘hey Gillian you can add absinthe in it, and if not would we be able to do it? Lermant says holding the bottle. He knows me to well and my certain attraction to absinthe.

‘absinthe is nice but its really high alcohol and me personally I haven’t even tasted it but just heard about it all from my mother.’

‘- your mother, Karen she does Youtube Videos right?’ Mason asks.

‘yes actually doing Mixology 101 she does on youtube, I didn’t knew it would be this much of success and it was quite a revelation to watch it’

‘I might have to look it up.’ Mason said.

‘yeah sure you do.’ And I look over at, lermant. He knows about it he actually started my mother’s youtube. Recording her while making drinks and asking her all about it and he kept uploading , since my mother liked making drinks, she used to bartend but she stopped it for me and joined a literary firm and only ever went to gave those small mixology workshops. But Lermant made her do it and she got a lot of acclamation for it.

‘I can say I know much better about “Need a drink”,’ Lermant says laughing, that’s the channel name.

After dirnking what was left of the red wine, we both kept sitting together even after Mason had gone.

‘umm are you bored?’ he asked me.

‘no…I am with you.’ I think I can be romantic when I am drunk.

‘are you drunk?’ he asked me.

‘not that much just a tad bit….I guess.’ And I hiccupped.

‘you need water!’

‘oh I don’t know?’

‘well then lets go.’ And he held my hand and fell down, pulling me into the swimming pool.

No I yelled in my mind but I immediately gave in, damn, we are stupid. I guess we are still kids.