Between Beasts

Chapter 8. New Thoughts

“Are you alright?” Jodie asked Mary, watching as she slumped against the wall beside the kitchen door, taking long, deep breaths. Mary looked at her and smiled.

“I feel great. I’m shaking like a leaf, but I feel great.” Mary looked at one of her trembling hands and laughed. She wasn’t shaking from fear, but from the exhilaration she had felt in standing her ground with Teo. “I definitely should not have done that. I can’t believe I did that.”

“Mary, you’re scaring me, what happened? What did you do? And what was that sound?!” Jodie was getting really worried. Mary took another slow, deep breath to still herself, then her smile broadened as she stepped forward, hugged Jodie and said.

“You’re going to be alright, Teo’s going to help.”

Jodie had no idea what Mary meant by that, but her mind instantly went back to the safety she had felt when holding onto Teo’s arm and it no longer mattered. If Teo was going to help, she would be safe. She couldn’t imagine not being safe with him.

She let herself remember looking up at that strong, trustworthy face as her fingers recalled the feel of his skin and the scars that laced his arms. She longed to feel his skin again and shivered slightly at the thought.

“I know I hugged you first, but you’re going to have to let me breath.” Mary laughed. Jodie snapped herself out of her thoughts before they went any further, she was still hugging Mary, and had been slightly stroking her arm with her fingers. She let go and tried to hide her face, feeling so embarrassed yet again.

“I’m Sorry! My mind was wandering!” Jodie said, trying to hide the redness of her face.

Mary gave Jodie a questioning, smiling look. “You can tell me what you were thinking about later on, but there’s something I’ve got to tell you first.”

“You want me to move in with Teo?!” Jodie was shocked. She had felt bad enough just fantasising about him a little bit, she couldn’t move in with him! What if he walked in on her showering or changing and he saw her naked! … Or what if she walked in on him and saw him… naked… Jodie’s mind started to wander again, would that be such a bad thing?

“I can’t, I have a boyfriend Mary, it would be wrong!” She said, flustered by her thoughts.

“Some boyfriend! You need to dump Kevin and get out of there. You’re not safe Jodie!”

“But… I can’t just leave, he… we still… I… I still love him.” Even as she said it, Jodie could feel how hollow it was.

“Really? When was the last time you were actually happy together? When he made you feel happy, did something nice for you or even thought about you at all? I’m sorry Jodie, but do you really still love him, or are you just telling yourself that you do?”

Just a few days earlier Jodie would have leapt to Kevin’s defence, claiming that of course she still loved him, but now… How could she love him? The first few months they’d been together had been amazing; they truly had loved each other back then and had already made big plans for their lives together, but he soon changed and their plans, like Jodie’s hopes, drifted away.

Kevin had quickly become increasingly distant, making her feel more like a burden on him, like she wasn’t good enough and was always at fault in some way. She had taken the hurt and buried it inside, repeatedly telling herself that they loved each other and that things would get better, but they hadn’t.

Jodie began to admit to herself what she’d known but denied for a while; that things would never get better with Kevin. That all that lay ahead for her was to be emotionally beaten down time and again by Kevin while he turned a blind eye to Mark, who had now groped her and promised to do worse. That would be her entire life.

Jodie broke down into tears.

“Come on Jodie, think of yourself for a change. This is a chance for you to start fresh. There are loads of spare rooms upstairs and Teo really doesn’t mind. You don’t ever need to see or speak to either of them again. I’ll come back with you to yours tonight and we can get you moved in tomorrow. I’ll even break up with him for you if you want.”

Mary seemed to pause and think for a moment.

“Actually, can I please break up with him for you? I promise I won’t hurt him!” Mary said mischievously, looking away from Jodie dramatically to make it clear she had no intention of keeping that promise.

“Thanks Mary… I think that would be great. All of it would be great.” Jodie smiled a little and Mary hugged her again.

“Yes! You’re doing the right thing Jodie, you’ll see! It’s about time you got free of that deadbeat!”

Mary was so happy that Teo had agreed to help and that Jodie was going along with it, that she would be free of Kevin and would be safe, but she was also hopeful for herself. Mary’s five years with Jodie were almost up and she had been dreading her next birthday, when she would have to find a reason they could no longer see each other, but maybe, if Jodie was getting involved in her world, with the pack… maybe Teo would make an exception.

Jodie walked home with Mary, talking all the way about what they should do to celebrate Jodie’s new freedom. Mary was so excited, and Jodie was being swept up in her enthusiasm, but she couldn’t help feeling a little sad and guilty; they were planning on celebrating her leaving Kevin. Moving out and leaving him while he was away without him even knowing.

She knew leaving him was the right thing to do, it had been too much of a relief when she had agreed to do it. It had to be the right thing. But despite how bad he had made her feel, how he had neglected her, that he hadn’t even touched her in over a year, a small part of her was still saddened by it.

“Wow, I thought my place was a mess!” Mary said when they reached Jodie’s flat. The living room was strewn with food remnants and assorted packaging left behind after Kevin and Mark’s last-minute shopping spree and packing the night before. Jodie bet Kevin would come back expecting her to have cleaned up… or more likely, that he simply hadn’t thought about it.

“Sorry, I’ll quickly clean up.”

“Don’t you dare. Did you make this mess?” Mary gave Jodie a stern look.

“Well, no. But… “ With Mary staring at her, waiting for it to click in Jodie’s mind she realised she was still thinking about what she should do to fit around Kevin. Jodie grabbed the rubbish on the sofa and threw it off to the side, sat down and then after a moment swept the food containers on the table off to join the rest of the rubbish.

“That’s more like it!” Mary shouted joyfully, but then sounding crestfallen and looking at the pile of scattered rubbish added “Although I think there was still some pizza left in that box…”

Jodie looked at Mary in astonishment and started laughing. She had gone from feeling guilty and embarrassed about the mess to empowered not to clean up after Kevin and finally to laughing, thanks to Mary.

“I love you Mary.” Jodie laughed. Mary jumped onto the sofa, sprawled across Jodie’ lap and looked up at her.

“I know.” She grinned, then tipped her head back to look at the food containers on the floor.

“You wouldn’t?” Jodie knew food was never safe around Mary but surely, she wouldn’t eat that.

“But I’m hungry, I haven’t eaten anything since we left Wulf’s” Mary replied, turning wide, puppy eyes up at Jodie.

“That was just forty minutes ago… Come on, let’s go make something.” Jodie laughed.

Mary had insisted on helping Jodie make the fajitas she’d intended for Kevin two nights before, although in truth Jodie spent half the time chasing after Mary, worried she was going to cut herself or burn something. Then on Mary’s suggestion, they raided the beer stocked up in the fridge. Neither of them liked beer, but Mary had said that it was a point of pride. That they were reclaiming some of Jodie’s savings which Kevin had spent.

Jodie was easily swayed by this line of thought right now. A small ‘f**k you’ to Kevin and Mark. So, they curled up together on the sofa, ate fajitas and drank every can of beer they could find.

“What wis thaaat?” Jodie slurred, now quite drunk and half asleep, when she heard a series of growls and myriad other noises outside.

“Huh?” Mary responded from Jodie’s chest. She had made herself comfy by laying back on Jodie, using her breasts as a pillow while playing with Jodie’s hair. Mary didn’t seem to have any concept of personal space when it came to Jodie.

“Iiii sounds like dogs fffighting”

“Ahhhh! Thats’ll be the pack. We’re guarding yooooou.” Mary giggled back as she looked up and poked Jodie in the forehead, before turning over and straddling her, leaning in close and now looking right into Jodie’s eyes, added. “Don’t tll anyone though, can’t know, it’s secret.”

“Ok, so long as thhhts wht it is... Pack?” Jodie said back, only partially taking in what Mary was saying. “shhhhhh, don’t mention pack.” Mary replied, putting a finger against Jodie’s lips to shush her, but then going on to gently trace her lips with her finger, their faces just inches apart.

Mary leaned in the remaining few inches but stopped just before their lips came together. Jodie had closed her eyes and passed out.

“Was just being silly.” Mary said to herself, returning to her position curled up into Jodie’s chest. Then smiling and sounding dreamily pleased, continued. “Just silly, sooo silly.” And settled down to sleep.