Sexmate ON GOING! [ENGLISH]

Chapter 12 - Beneath Jones Ronin

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Jones's Ronin Point Of View.

I walked drowsily, with my once tidy suit, now all messed up and crumpled,

"Monsieur," I heard Luire's voice echoing in my eardrums, even if my ears were already stiffened from all the loud erotic music,

Trying my best to walk straightly, my knees weakened,

Falling on someone's body,

A woman's,

I heard her gasped and chuckled, with her hands and long red nails massaging my biceps,

She's wearing a bikini, gazing at me, when I fell over her body,

"Hey," I breathed, with my mouth drenched in heavy liquors,

The more I stared at her face, the more it reminds me of Hana, wearing those clothes,

Hopeless and alone,

I sobbed and cried, and the girl who fell on the floor with me was confused from my actions,

I heard the customers complaining about me, ranting and cursing me,

I gave them a hard look, with my face drenched in tears,

Look at these bullshits treating everyone else here like a mud puddle,

How did Hana even bare to live here?

I felt someone dragged me, and stood me up,

With my white polo tore open and my necktie was all over my chest, hardly tied,

While as Luire's face pitying me, I panted and tried my best to step on the ground,barely even feeling anything at all.

"Monsieur, we should go home now," Luire offered, but I shoved him away, with my body sweating and circling from dizziness,

I angrily walked outside through the exit, with my head roaring and pounding,

I know to myself that I'm drunk,

But being drunk can only make the pain less tolerable for me,

Customers and strippers glancing at me like I'm some wasted person fell into bankruptcy who went here to waste his night,

I stopped my pace by the client's door that is slightly opened,

I tried my best to keep my eyes opened, gazing whoever is in that room,

I saw how did they do it there,

Inside,

Fucking eachother like there's no tomorrow,

With a prostitute on top of the old man's body,

For money, for a living,

For lust, for abuse.

My anger surging within me, with my hazy vision , imagining that, that was Hana, and Hana was suffering,

My eagerness dragging me to even put up a strength to moved and pulled my gun out of my sleeves,

Ready to aim that thirsty fuckard on the bed,

But then Luire grabbed my wrist stopping me from clicking and pulling the trigger,

I grunted fighting him back with everything I have even if I looked so drunk, childish and useless,

"Enough, monsieur!" Luire forcefully grabbed the gun from my hands and hid it inside of his pocket,"Our work here is done, sir, I suggest that I'll take you home and rest,"

"No--" I shook my head, swallowing my grief, with my eyes pouring bitter tears, "I don't have a f*****g home, you understand me?! There's no such place called 'home' for me--"

Neither does she,

With all the sanity remaining inside of me, I pushed him away, as I tumbled by the exit door, barely opening it with my weakened body,

I smell all the bad stuff running in this city all the immorality,

I f*****g hate this place,

The sky turning into a shade of lilac as the sun rising up, yet this bar never closes down,

I couldn't help myself, I couldn't even help her,

I couldn't even save Hana,

"I f*****g--hate my life--!" I shouted in the middle of the empty road, with my knees surrendering and falling on the ground,

I have no parents,

No lover,

No one for me,

I'm alone,

Carrying the burden of my dead parents,

Paying their debts,

When I was just a damn child--

A damn sick-in-the-head, left with no one,

With completely nothing!

It's sounds so overrated to other people,

--f**k them,

They don't know how it kills me everytime,

I didn't even know how did my parents left me and died just like that,

No one,

No one had a heart to treat me as their own, just like my parents did.

Crying my heart out, I heard Luire called me one last time, running on my way,

Oh, how I wish I wasn't born in this world.

I collapsed and fell on the hard and cold ground, groaning, slowly losing my consciousness,

--this cruel world,

Forcing my eyes to stay awake,

But I know it's useless, to even wake up to this awful reality I am living in.

Where Hana is living in.

My eyes closes down into a pitch and dreadful darkness.

Seeing the blasted bloodied face of the manager before my eyes,

--Of how I shot him in the head,

How he died infront of a murderer I am,

When he told me, mockingly before I left his office, that he--

That he f*****g raped and tortured Hana, on her first day in that devil's lair!

I know,

I'm a dreadful person,

So dreadful, 

And so are they.

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My mind took me somewhere,

Somewhere where my memories were hiding in the corner of my very thoughts,

Now revealing,

Memories dressed like a dream whenever my body went painfully unconscious,

It's a fragment of the past,

Something that I long to remember but too agonizing to even bare with my life,

It's like a sin of the past.

I was a little kid, where every great man started--just an innocent child, who grew up as a Ronin,

Just like every wealthy family, my family also desired a gracious manner, ethics, and reputation coming from their only begotten son,

Me.

My family is perfect, kind-hearted, all the money, the luxury, came from their hardwork, started from a scratch,

Now, they are winners, and the people wanted to be like them,

Pure, justified, and striving.

My parents has a beautiful reputation, a thriving relationship, and they love me, they love me as they love eachother through sickness and health,

For richer or for poorer,

And those are my parents,

My family,

My only family,

The only blemish is that many envy my family, even my relatives envy my parents,

In that way, they hated my loving mother and father ,

It's cruel to see your relatives competing with you, seeing you more like an enemy than of a family,

But my father did his best to protect us, to protect our name,

As the years go by, the media started demanding and questioning about my parents' charitable foundation running low,

So they decided to established an orphanage,

That the people clamored and praised my parents, it's a huge orphanage, not just a single house, but a manor orphanage,

I was 14 when they started the project, those time was the hardest for me,

For a teenager to see their parents working hard for a foster home instead of taking care of their only son,

I was selfish,

But my parents were very forgiving,

I watch and watch, just like how the people watch to see the orphanage completion,

The people applaud, acknowledging the Ronins, and that's us,

For my relatives to earn the limelight, they became friendly,

Very friendly,

That they even fund the minimal needs of the orphanage, just to say that they also have contribution not only in the project, but also in our name as the renowned 'Ronin',

That's how I watch to see my parents adoring people, adoring the fosters, with my self-centered will, I protested,

Just as I turned 18, the orphanage is done, established, and finished without a flaw,

I protested to my parents, now especially to my beloved father,

That 'people will keep on leaving their children on that orphanage 's doorstep!'

'giving us the responsibility that supposedly the people should carry!'

'Just because we're wealthy, forgiving and generous, they have the rights to take advantage of our hardwork!'

I opposed, I argued, I did my everything to change my father's mind,

His mind that is too pure for this demanding, cruel and selfish system,

But he thundered at me, my father got furious, he told me that I couldn't reason the needs of the people with politics and self-centered decisions,

He told me that 'Just because there are bad people out there,'

'Doesn't mean we shouldn't be lending a hand to those which are good.'

I was humiliated,

Not by my father,

But myself,

My father gave me the realization,

That not all their love and care belongs to me,

It also belongs to others, who are need, more than I do.

Embarassed of what I did infront of my father,

He did something that changes the dimmed part of me,

In order for me to regain my father's respect,

He sent me inside the orphanage to work as a part-time secretary,

Not to punish me, nor to discipline me,

But my father wanted me to see more than what's a luxurious life feels like, but also what is on the opposite side of it,

So I did, I wanted to fulfill my father's request,

I settled in, and the orphans looked at me like I'm a new smooth rock from the playground,

The nuns introduced me to all of them, that I was the son of the founder of this orphanage,

I thought they were going to laugh at me, but they stood there, praising me with admiration,

Thanking me, they were innocent people after all, just like what my father told me,

An innocent, and poor people who are in need,

That's when I felt a light feeling,

That I was lucky, fortunate to have a better life, a best one any kid could ever wanted,

Instead of staying here, waiting, waiting for an adoption.

The first few months was the busiest, families will give up their child for adoption, the next day, they will be adopting an orphan, taking them as their own family,

It's a cycle,

It's sounds stupid, but it's painful to watch it happen every single day,

My father was preoccupied with his incoming works, the peek of his business growing world-wide, various offer from huge company was showing up,

That I'm afraid that he'll be drowned, but I know he won't,

Because even if he's breaking his bones to work for the orphanage, for our family, he still took care of me, and my education,

But I insisted to study inside the orphanage, surprisingly he accepted what I asked of him, he was with joy when I told him that, it's clear in my eyes, that the orphanage was becoming a part of me,

So my father and I made a promise, that one day he will entrust all his fortune, all including this orphanage,

I thought my heart was going to explode, I was over-joyed.

Until this fateful day,

Where I met a very unusual girl,

The nun told me to visit the library for light reading, but I found this strange girl reading bunch of books,

At first, I thought she was only after the picture books, those which have colors in it,

But in my surprise, it was all about education, she's learning every each of it,

I was amused, watching her reading, sitting at the corner with her legs sprawled and blocks of books around her,

I smiled,

But that smile disappeared when I saw her tore a page and kept it in her pocket,

I was astonished, so I step right up, and talked to her,

"Hey, what do you think you are doing? Those where library's property--"

"Shh!"

I couldn't believe it, did she hushed me?

The strange girl cutted me off, with her index finger on her lips,

I looked around to check if anyone sees what she did, luckily it was only me,

I walked closer to her, to see what she's up to, and so I sat beside her, awared of my surroundings,

"I'll tape it back, I promise, just promise me that you won't tell anyone," she compromised, as if she's a spy or something,

"What? That's nonsense--"

"Not. A soul." She continued giving me a serious look,

That I couldn't even believe that I'm in this crime scene with some girl,

She looks younger than me, but I assumed she was smarter than any kids around her age,

She stood up , carrying all the books on her delicate hands,

"Let me help--"

She refused, stepping away from me, only to slipped all the books from her hands, making a loud thud,

I winced in shock, she did too, with our faces exchanging the same expression,

The nuns came running on our way,

But the girl--

The girl ran away,

So I followed her, hearing the nuns scolding us from behind,

I ran and ran,

It's like my first time breaking the rules,

It was scary, heart-pounding,

Until I found myself laughing and chasing the girl who was running away from her the trouble she caused,

There she was, ahead of me, laughing and smiling from the mess she made,

Only it wasn't a mess, it was just the feeling of freedom as a youth,

And I never felt this alive,

Our chasing and hiding around the manor came to an end,

To find ourselves, laying on the grass by the orphanage 's garden, under a shady tree,

"I haven't had your name yet," 

I started breaking the long silence, she gave me a funny look, like I'm some maniac trying to flirt with her,

"It's Hana, what's yours?" She smiled offering her hand to me, I stare at her soft and pinkish hand,

Then I gazed at her, pretty face,

"It's Jones," I held her hand for a handshake, that I could feel my cheeks warming up,

"You're old, Jones," she giggled, rolling over the grass,

I furrowed my eyebrows and tried to protest, but it's too obvious that I'm the oldest in the orphanage,

Since no one ever stay in the orphanage on the age of 18,

And I'm 18,

"I'm just 13, I just turned 13," Hana told me, sitting up, looking at my face amusingly,

"Okay," I simply said, shrugging, but she pinched my cheeks, making me face her,

"Tell me!" she squealed happily, I gawked at her tilting my head,

"Your age, dummy!" Hana laughed at me, I bet she noticed how red my cheeks are, whenever she get closed to me,

I could smell her brown, soft and wavy hair,

"I'm 18,", I cleared my throat, trying my best not to look at her,

"No way! You don't look that old" she argued, but I know she was faking it, trying to compliment me,

We both stare at each other, is like exchanging look with our reflection on a mirror,

Seeing the other half.

It was a funny feeling, but it felt light and reckless ,

The spring of youth,

On that sunset, we became friends,

Best of friends,

We even talked about our dreams, our promises, our secrets,

What makes her happy,

Made me happy.

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Few months had passed.

There were times that Hana has to be alone, there are some days that I can't see her around,

Not even in the library,

She told me that she have something to investigate,

I thought she was bluffing, but whenever she told me that, she gave me this nervous look, and always, always told me to keep it as a secret, and a promise not to tell anybody, of what she was up to,

I was glad I hadn't knew what she was up to, or else my father will take me away from this orphanage tomorrow morning,

What I meant is that father will take me away for Christmas tomorrow, and I don't want to leave this orphanage so I am at my best behavior,

Only that Hana wasn't at her normal behavior,

She was always acting anxiously, careful, and very aware of her surroundings,

That I couldn't help myself not to think of her every passing minute,

So I tried once again, to search for her in the library,

Checking every shelves,

I stopped my pace, my heart fluttering in happiness,

Seeing her reading peacefully, just like when I first met her,

With her mesmerizing wavy brown hair, and her skin white tone.

When I got closer to her, she cowered, and panicked, but when she realized it was me, she exhaled sharply,

That made me furrowed my eyebrows,

Hana closes the book she was holding, with her face frantically sweating but here she goes again, with her pockets full of tore papers from various book,

"Hana, what's wrong?" I reached out for her, but she pulled me closer to her, with her index finger by her lips again hushing me,

"W-what--"

"If anyone, anyone, would even dare to search for me, will you keep it as a secret?" Hana gave me an uneasy look, her face was painted with worry,

But I shook my head, this time, I won't cooperate, until she told me the truth behind her undoings,

"No," I answered, then Hana let go of hand, giving me an upset look,

"You have to trust me on this Hana, tell me what you have been up to," willingly, I wanted to help her, on whatever is bothering her,

But she gave me this scared look, the kind of look that she never shows eversince,

And it frightens me,

"Jones, I know something about your parents," Hana started and I listened carefully,

She looked around to see if anyone was listening, then she continued, "There's a plot behind of it, and I just discovered about it--"

She was frantically looking around and checking her wrist watch,

But then she stood up quickly, without finishing her statement, she walked away in a hurry,

"I have to go, Jones, please be with you father tomorrow morning--"

"Hana, where are you going?!" With my voice trying to shout in a whisper,

I chased after her, to see her almost running in the empty hallway,

"Hana!"

"Go away, Jones!" She panted,

She run and I chased her still, until we both reached the outside of the manor,

The dark, cold rainy night,

Where the weather is terrible so is what's happening with Hana.

The lightning bolted, thundering, lighting up our faces,

As our bodies drenched from the rain pouring like razor sharp,

Hana standing a meter away from me,

While as I stood a few inches away from the manor,

She finally stopped her pace, and turned her directiom towards me,

With the papers by her hands, pointing at me,

"This,"

"I have to know what's behind this, Jones," Hana told me, I could hear her sobbed, with pain in her voice,

I opened my mouth, but Hana started to run once again, as the thunder rumbles and lightning flashes hysterically,

I winced from the loud noise,

Only it wasn't coming from the thunder,

But from Hana's direction,

With the car's light flashing towards me,

Hearing an earful screeching of the tires, pulling over for a stop,

But eventually. . .

Hitting Hana's body, with a loud noise,

That the car, crashes to her body,

Everything, just went slow, as I watched cowardly,

Seeing Hana lay down, unconsciously horribly wounded,

Her blood trailing on the wet ground,

"H-Hana..--"

My voice begun to break , when I saw how severe the damage that cause her body,

That causes Hana's life.

That the car's glasses broke when it crashes to her,

"Hana!!!!"

My knees fell on the ground, surrendering from the pain that I saw,

As the driver got off, talking on the phone, feeling sorry and innocent of what he had done,

Reasoning that it was a rainy and a foggy night, 

But my eyes were there, watching Hana ran away just a minute ago, there's no headlight, no any car's light,

But this man,

This man, driving a car just appeared out of nowhere, hitting Hana, like an accident,

I tried to fought back, and blame him,

As he acted to check Hana's limp body, covered in blood, with the papers she tore now drenched with the rain and her blood combined,

The nurses and the nuns came running outside, signaling an emergency,

As I watched

And watched,

To see Hana, dying,

Hardly, breathing,

The nurses checked her pulse, but as I watch, it only brings me regret,

To see the nurse shook her head in dismay, in the assumption, that she was dead.

Dead,

Just like that,

If I have only stopped her,

If I only agreed not to put my nose on her matters,

She wouldn't ran away,

She wouldn't go out, 

An accident,

This is just an accident,

I tried my best to convinced myself that it wasn't my fault,

As I stood up,

And walked closer to her body,

But then I stepped on a paper, one of the paper that Hana was holding,

I picked it up, and to see what was in it,

It was the financial assets of the orphanage building,

My eyes widened,

How could she knew about this?

My eyes trailed from her dead body,

With them laying her on a stretcher,

There's no time, to console, and cry ,

I watched the driver carefully,

The man talking to someone on the phone,

The lightning flashes once again, and this time,

It reveals the other person who's inside the car,

My eyes quiver,

As the driver got inside of it, the nuns and nurses cleaning the space, while as the other cries, in a small sadness,

As if there wasn't an accident happened at all,

As if they're disposing a stray animal,

I walked closer, but the driver got inside the car and started its engine,

So I walked hurriedly,

Only it zoomed out of the place back in the dark outskirts,

With the paper in my hand, panting, watching the car disappeared into the night,

So is Hana, 

By my side.

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   thank you for reading

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