When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

Chapter 2-1

Chapter 2

“I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with you.”

Felix swam to the surface of consciousness for the second time that day, once again in unfamiliar surroundings.

“Ro—?” he creaked before clearing his throat and trying again. “Ronan?”

“He’s in the next room over. He’ll be fine. As will you, they tell me.”

Felix blinked and tried to focus. The woman who was speaking to him had a stern face, but kind eyes. He nodded and relaxed back onto a pillow that was wedged beneath his head.

“Can you wake up and join me here?” the woman asked. “What’s your name, son?”

“Felix. Who are you exactly?” Felix asked.

“I’m Garda Redmond.”

“You guys have such weird names,” Felix said. “Your mom must have held a grudge against you to name you Garda.”

“Garda is a title. I’m with law enforcement. You know, police?”

Felix sprang from the pillow but was stopped by the spinning of the room and the IV at the crook of his arm being pulled taut. Garda Redmond put her hand on his shoulder. “Easy now. I just need to ask you some questions.”

Felix nodded his consent, the presence of an officer of the law clearing some of the fog from his brain. “Am I in trouble?”

“Like I said earlier, I’m not quite sure. We’re still figuring that out.”

“I didn’t mean to wreck it. There was this big truck and Fat Charlie’s pants got stuck on the, whatever it was, and I—.”

“Fat Charlie, you say?” Garda Redmond asked, writing in her notebook. “Is he one of your friends?”

“What? No. These are his pants.” Felix pulled back the sheet covering him to see once again he was without pants. “Oh, I was wearing them a minute ago.”

“Where are your friends now?”

“I have no idea. I woke up way out in the country without any clothes on this morning.”

“Do you own a T-shirt with a giant cupcake on it by chance?”

“Yeah! Now that you mention it, I think I was wearing that last night.”

“Mrs. Norris’s dog Thatcher came home wearing just such a shirt as it turns out.”

“Oh. I don’t remember that.”

“She lives down the street from the town square where several decorative potted plants were either smashed or uprooted.”

Felix grimaced and shrugged his shoulders.

“Do you recall some statues from your adventures?”

After some thought, Felix said, “I think, maybe. Were they all green and cruddy looking?”

Garda Redmond stopped writing, tucked her pen behind her ear, and crossed her arms. “Cruddy? I’d call it a lovely patina on some quite old statues.”

Felix nodded and decided remaining silent was his best option.

“And that patina will be ruined because the statue of the young woman dancing with her partner? It now boasts a rather large willy scrawled across her back end in indelible pen.”

“Oh.”

“Lucky for you, she can be cleaned. She’ll just have a shiny copper backside until the elements do their work. Need I tell you how little the citizenry of Lisdoonvarna will appreciate a statue of a young woman with a shiny copper backside?”

“No, sir. Madam. Guard lady.” Felix’s vision shimmered around the edges with tears he hoped would not spill over.

“Garda Redmond,” she said staring Felix in the eyes until he looked away. She sighed and sat at the foot of the bed. “Molly. You can call me Molly. Look, you don’t seem like a bad kid, but if it’s one thing that really lights my wick, it’s a group of smart-arse Americans running amok.”

“I get it.” Felix wiped at his eyes with the backs of his hands. “I tear up when I’m embarrassed,” he explained.

“You seem genuine, Felix. I’d like to talk to you friends if I can. CCTV has footage of three people in your group. Where are the other two?”

“Not sure. The last thing I remember was finding a seat on a train. Sam got us drinks. Me and Katelyn. Those are my friends. Sam and Katelyn. What’s CCTV?”

Molly retrieved her pen and wrote that information down. “Closed-circuit television. You know, little cameras all about? Big Brother? Let me pop outside and see what my colleagues found out. I’ll be back. You need anything?”

Felix shook his head and tried to go back to sleep once Molly had left, but was unable. His mouth was dry and distracting. He pulled back his sheet and slowly got out of the bed. He stood on sore legs and grabbed onto his IV pole for support. The room he was in housed little more than the bed and a chair, so he made his way out into the hallway beyond. He expected to be in a proper hospital, but he soon realized he was in what was most likely a small medical clinic. The hallway he was in had only six doors—all of which were closed except the one right next door which was half open.

As he gingerly pushed open the door the rest of the way, he knocked and called out, “Ronan? You in here?”

Ronan was leaning back on a bed that had been raised to a forty-five-degree angle. “Yep,” he said with a frown before closing his eyes.

“I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.”

“Yep,” Ronan said.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Are you okay?”

“I knew I shouldna have helped you.” The look of regret on Ronan’s face caused a wave of embarrassment to surge up and crash over Felix’s head.

“I said I’m sorry,” Felix said, eyes flashing. “I didn’t mean to crash your stupid truck.”

“My stupid truck, huh? Well, that stupid truck was irreplaceable to me. You’ll go off on whatever silly little trip you have to complete and I’ll still be here.” Ronan used his heavily bandaged hands to awkwardly pull back the sheets to reveal a brace on his leg from ankle to thigh. The effort caused him to grimace in pain. “My leg’s busted, my hands’re cut up. Don’t even know what’s going on with my shoulder. I barely have the money to put gas in that truck. I’ll never afford another. So, thanks for your apology. It means a great heap of f**k-all to me, but thanks for it.”

“What about insurance?”

Ronan harrumphed and shook his head, turning from Felix to stare at the far wall. “You’re safe now, princess. Now leave me be. You’ve done enough.”

Felix felt his face flush and he was once again fighting back tears. “Ronan—I. I don’t know what to—”

Ronan turned back to Felix and his expression softened. He struggled to pull the sheet back over his leg and Felix moved to come into the room and help, but he was interrupted. From behind him came a booming voice, “Look at that sweet ass! Woo hoo!”

Felix spun around as fast as his bare feet and IV pole would allow. His blushed deepened to an impossible shade of maroon as he pulled his hospital gown closed behind him. “Sam!”

“Hey Weirdo.” Sam held the door open for a slim blonde woman before heading in Felix’s direction.

Felix stepped into the hall and pulled Ronan’s door mostly closed.

“Sam, what the f**k?” Felix asked.

“Lemme see some more of that booty.” Sam laughed and snatched at the hem of Felix’s gown before Felix slapped his hands away. “You’re no fun. But hey, you made it back quicker than I thought. Me and Katelyn had a bet. I said it would take you two days.”

Katelyn brushed her hair out of her eyes and said, “And I said you’d never make it back at all.”

Sam put his arm around Katelyn’s shoulder. “You’re such an optimist, Katy dear. That’s why I love you.”

“I still don’t know what’s going on,” Felix said.

“Allergy meds,” Garda Molly Redmond said. She had slipped into the hall unnoticed by Felix. “These two fine friends of you put allergy meds in your drink on the train.”

Felix stared opened mouthed at his giggling friends.

“Sam thought it would be funny,” Katelyn said.

“It’s not!” Felix said.

“Hey, don’t get pissy. We didn’t think you’d get that messed up,” Sam said.

“If you’re curious as to what you missed, I’ll enlighten you,” Molly said. “After they drugged you, they followed you around with this.” She walked over to Felix so that they both could see the tiny screen on Sam’s GoPro. She started the video with Felix in the town’s square holding a magic marker. There were various groups of people milling about but none of them had apparently witnessed the vandalism he had perpetrated. He was already shirtless at this point and was singing loudly as he sat on a bench facing the roadway.

“Oh, geez.” Felix pushed the video away.

“You get the idea,” Molly said. “Later, you load up in a van with some local kids.”

“They thought you were a hoot, by the way,” Sam said.

“That’s where we lose you on CCTV and your friends stop recording for a long time. Their video picks back up with them leaving you out at Doonagor Castle over in Doolin. You had much less clothing on at that point.”

Katelyn laughed, but Sam pulled her to his chest to stifle her. “Shh.”

“Guys!” Felix said. “That is not okay. What if something happened to me?”

“Oh, stop being dramatic,” Sam said. “We were just f*****g with you.”

“I assume these two here left with our local boys. As bad as their behavior is, I’m afraid they haven’t really committed any serious crimes. At least not on camera.”

Sam stuck his tongue out and winked at Felix.

“That’s good,” Felix said.

“But you did,” Molly said. “I need to talk to the property owners. I need to check out Doonagor and make sure it’s not got any willies painted on it as well. I’ll also see what Mr. Malloy wants done about his vehicle.”

“Is that Ronan?” Felix asked.

“Yes, that’s Ronan,” Molly said.

“Oh, who’s Ronan?” Katelyn asked. “He sounds cute.”

Sam elbowed Katelyn. “Hey now.”

She gave him a pouty frown and said, “Well, he does.”

“Knock it off, you two,” Molly said, her face once again indicating she was not to be messed with. “I’ve had enough.” To Felix she said, “I’ve found out where you’re staying and I’ll be ‘round to let you know my findings later today or tomorrow.”

“I wish that would work,” Sam said. “But we are heading out today. Maybe you can call us or something?”

“No,” Molly said. “You’ll be staying. I’ve talked to the landlord of the hotel you’re in. She’s to call me if you look to be leaving. I’m looking for a reason to slam you to the ground and grind that pretty face of yours into the dirt, so go ahead. Try and leave. Give me what I want.”

Sam mouthed the word wow before saluting Molly. “Yes, sir.”

Molly glared at Sam, a thousand unsaid thoughts seemed to pass beneath her professional expression. “You run along and fetch this boy some clothes. The nurse will have that tube out of him and ready to go by the time you get back.”